Holidays can be hard...

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Somehow, he knew the meaning of Christmas and always gave us the best gift, his love.

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Marge, welcome to our K9C house! What a dear, sweet thing to write about Fritz and what a truth it is. You know, when I think about it, year-round that is the balance that our pets give to our lives. And that is why the scales just topple over when they are gone.

I can't help but smile at the thought of your dad's photo. Do you know that movie, "A Christmas Story," where young Ralphie is given his beloved Red Ryder BB rifle -- and the havoc that creates? When I was little, I was decidedly a tomboy myself, and I'll never forget that wonderful Christmas when I got my Annie Oakley outfit along with my holster and two shiny six-shooters. A very different era, that's for sure. :o

It seems to me that the memories are both the blessing and the curse of the holidays. The yin and the yang. I don't ever want to forget. But sometimes it just hurts so much to remember. Especially early on, it hurts so much to remember.

You are at that early stage, that's for sure, with such a combination and compounding of loss. It can be impossible to predict in advance which one of the family-honored traditions will help and which will end up hurting way too much. And then, of course, some things are totally new and different. Sometimes very good things; sometimes throwing us totally off-balance. I suspect the hospice event will be very hard in many ways, but I hope there may also be a bit of peace that comes from honoring your dad in this way. If you would care to tell us how things go, we would very much like to hear about it.

Marge, sending big hugs your way, and once again, welcome to our house here for the holidays.

Marianne

You most certainly can! I have a few times! ;) Do what's in your heart and let the rest go this year!

Hugs,
Kathy

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Originally Posted by Wally P's Mom

Can we just skip December?

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Since you asked about the Lights of Love that we went to last night, I will share. Before I do, recall it has been only a month since Fritz had passed and 11 months since my dad had passed. Emotions were very raw yesterday. Especially reliving every last step that I took with Fritz.

The evening began with music and opening remarks. Everyone was given ornaments with an angel wing with their loved ones name on it plus an index card with their name to be read aloud. So my mom and I placed the ornaments on the tree with my dad's name read. (I wished I had a pen to add Fritz's name to the tag. But I think he knew I thought of him too.) Silent night was played and a poem was read. The tree was lit. The glow of the lights were very special. The fire department had their drum and bagpipes rose from the pit playing Amazing Grace. If Taps was hard to hear at the funeral, this was just as hard.

I think I cried through much of the program, but when I left and saw all the red eyes, I realized I hadn't been alone.

Since Fritz had passed, my chest has been very heavy. Last night, I didn't have that heaviness when I went to bed. Either it has been that my husband has been home and we have been gone or the healing has begun.

Marge

I hope it is because the healing has begun, Marge.

Thank you for telling us about your dad's ceremony. I could imagine it in my mind's eye, and even from my distance, it seemed very powerful and also very lovely.

Sending tons of hugs this day,
Marianne

Just checking in, again.

Death has been a constant companion this past year. All the firsts with my dad's passing and now Fritz. Remembering that my husband lost his mom about 15-16 years ago about this time of year. The loss is hard. Tears have been shed quite a bit this week.

Joy has been difficult to find. I found some yesterday and it felt good. No guilt attached. Just pure joy. Without going into details, I brought some holiday cheer to a group of ladies. In return, this group of ladies gave me joy.

Going in this direction, could happiness be around the corner?

Thanks for reading. I just needed to share.

Marge

This will be my third holidays without Woody :( He passed so close to Christmas on the 19th December 2013, that when I came home without him the first thing I did was take down the tree and decorations, how could I celebrate without him there, I have not had a tree up or decorations since Woody left, they are still in the boxes and will probably stay there again this year. I am not a lover of Christmas but with Woody he made it bearable although I couldn,t put decorations on the bottom of the tree as he used to knock them off and play football with them, he was ever so naughty :D So I will get through Christmas day on auto pilot like I have done previous years, get up, go see mum and the family smile when I need to, nod in the right direction when all the time I will be thinking of Woody and what we should have been doing, we should've been snuggling on the sofa watching rubbish Christmas movies, long walks in the woods, eating too much but alas its not to be :)

I thought the holidays would be really hard but Thanksgiving turned out pretty good, just different. I was ok with different as I did not cry so much missing Zoe. Now hubby has been down with count with his back, he cannot stand or walk for 2 weeks now.. We can't get in to see a specialist. I am really struggling now as this drags on and find myself really down and missing my girl who could always make me laugh. She healed his carpel tunnel by licking his wrist ever day.

I find myself just wanting to skip Christmas but Kate is coming home and I feel badly that I have nothing, no tree, no presents.

Thanks for letting me vent, things are so bad here, he can't take Vicodin for the pain, he had reaction, he should not tak NSAIDs as he already has increased chance of blood clots. The think it is spinal stenosis and the nerves are pressing together, badly inflamed.

I'm tired.

Aww Tracy, I apologize for the belated welcome to our house here. I'm very glad you've joined us, because nobody has to put on a brave holiday face in our house. You are welcomed however you are feeling. And missing loved ones is a feeling that we decidedly share.

Hubby and I are late getting our tree put up, and today is to be the day. But for almost the first time in my lifetime, I'll largely be decorating alone. Hubby loves the finished product, but doesn't much care for the part that I guess seems tedious to him -- unpacking all the ornaments one by one and picking their special spot on the tree. Of course, that's the part I have always loved. Even as old as I am (and no, I'm not going to confess exactly how old that is :eek:), it has usually always worked out that my mom or dad was with me to help. Until his death over a decade ago, my dad was chief elf. He delighted in the tree, and we loved decorating together. When he died, my mom stepped in, and we've been the A-team ever since. But now she is very old and increasingly frail, and told me yesterday that she does not feel up to leaving her retirement complex and joining us here at our home until Christmas actually arrives.

Since we have no human kids, I'm kinda at the end of the elf line here. So I'll be on my own today. A day I've been anticipating for several years now, but wished would never arrive. I'm so hoping it will feel OK enough. After losing precious friends these past couple of years, I do know how lucky I am to be gifted with the opportunity to celebrate Christmas at all. But it will be different, and Christmas is a time when I so dearly wish I could turn the clock back and keep things the same.

But deep breath...up the tree will go this afternoon. Along with all the memories. Fingers crossed that there will still be some magic left, passed along from all the Christmases past. I'll let y'all know. :o

Oh Addy, we were typing at the same time. I am so sorry about Hubby!! No wonder you are feeling tired, you have so much on your plate to worry about. At least Kate will soon be home, safe and sound.

What did you end up doing for Thanksgiving?

Well, I find solace in the fact that I am not the only mess this holiday season.;) We remain united.:p

Well Marianne, there are no elves at my house left either. Holidays have been hard for me for way too long. Somehow or another, Buddy always made them tolerable. We were in it together and his sweet nature helped me get through. He was there and he just knew. He knew that I was acting and I needed him by my side. Rosie is cute and sweet and also clueless!

Tracy, I totally understand your feeling of not wanting to do Christmas. I haven't wanted to do the holidays for a very long time. Holidays are hard for me. Somehow or another, Buddy made them okay. He knew I was just acting and trying to get through and he always managed to make me laugh. I do them for my folks. They are not willing or able to help anymore, but still enjoy the festivities. There is no one around to help with the work, which was a huge part of the holidays. Everyone pitching in to share. Those days are gone.

Oh dear Addy. So sorry to hear that hubby is still is in so much pain. I am allergic to codeine, so I cannot take Vicodin either. After my surgery, they gave me oxycodone to bring home. I only took it for a few days because it is highly addictive, but it did work! Since hubby shouldn't be taking NSAIDs and Vicodin is out, Oxy might be a temporary option until he can get in to see a specialist. Just a thought….

Kate is coming home!!! The rest of the Christmas preparations are fluff. They are just icing on the cake. You are truly blessed my dear, because you still have the cake! You have enough on your plate right now. The rest of the Christmas stuff can hold off for another year, or two. Family is what counts, not tinsel, decorations or a tree.

THE GRINCH HAS SPOKEN!!!:D:D:D

Kathy