Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

(((((((Huge Hugs)))))))

Huge hugs from me as well.

Thank you, Claire...I have thought of you often.

Marianne and Lori, thank you for the hugs! Getting through the anniversaries are so hard. Next is her birthday...she would have been 19 this March 19.

AH Joan, this is a tough time for you. The anniversaries, upcoming birthday bring all the memories flooding back. Thankfully there is so much love and support here and such wonderful people! I will hold you close in my heart along with your precious little girl.

My precious, your birthday came and went, Easter and now Memorial Day weekend, which we all know how much you loved. Sitting outside yesterday and looking over the garden I missed you terribly. Juan came and planted the front and I brought Sibbie out with me while I sat on the stoop and watched. Usually she would not sit still, but yesterday she was exactly like you, the way she laid down in my lap and just watched the world go by like we used to. I cried myself to sleep last night...I haven't done that in a long time. Me and Daddy talk about you all the time until I start to cry, then we keep our thoughts to ourselves until the next time. I miss you every day, Lee...that hasn't changed. And I love you. You are and always will be my number one baby.

Mommy loves you now and forever, my precious, my angel, my sweet baby girl. Give Phoenix, Tem and Andee a kiss for me.

Oh Joan, it’s so difficult isn’t it? Nothing quite fills the hole in our hearts they leave behind. Wishing you peace and happy memories as the birthdays and holidays pass by and you hold your precious babies close in your heart!!

Hugs,
Claire

I don't know if it ever gets easier. My girl has been gone a little over 4 years. I still tear up almost every time I talk about her. Know you are not the only one Joan.
Angela

it is almost 7 years since Buddy flew. It hasn't gotten any easier for me. I think we just push through and go on the best we can. Hugs Joan. You are not alone.

I know how you feel, Joan. Squirt has been gone 6 years this month and every special day is still bittersweet. The joy and the heart-ache sit equally at times and at others tilted heavily. If we didn't love them so those dates would sail on by unnoticed. But that love does still live and always will.

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))

Thank you, all....this is where I go when my heart hurts because we all understand these feelings.

(((Hugs)))

My precious...Marie has come to join you this afternoon. I told you last night that I thought it would be soon and I guess I was right. I know you'll be happy to see her. When I said goodbye to her last week, I told her to give you hugs and kisses from me. She always loved you and I know you are probably in her lap right now. Keep my mom company until we are all together again, my sweet little Lena.

Mommy loves you now and forever.....

Oh Joan, sending you hugs and my warmest thoughts. I know you’ve written for quite a while that Marie was not well, but I am so sorry for yet another loss. Peace be with you, my friend. And yes, I believe as do you that Lena was right there ready to give her comfort and love. Now with an important job to do as she awaits the rest of her beloved to arrive in the years to come. Your sweetest angel girl, always and forever.

Huge loving hugs coming from me as well ♥

Thank you, Marianne and Lori. My mom has been so sick for so long that it's a relief and a blessing. My sister and her family can finally get back to normal: no more aides day and night; no more visiting nurses; no more hospice; and they can get to do things without worrying. It was still hard though watching them take her out of the house and put her in the van. I had Sibbie with me and she took one look at my mom and then just laid her head on my chest the way that Lena used to do. While we waited for the funeral parlor to come get her, we sat in the kitchen and I was sitting where I could still see her and Sibbie just sat quietly in my lap staring at my mother. It was very strange, she would usually want to run around and play with her toys. She did exactly what Lee would have done...very strange.

The wake is tomorrow and the funeral on Wednesday morning. We tried to talk my sister out of a wake, but she insisted on having one with an open casket! Very few of my mom's friends or relatives are still alive and the ones that are won't travel because of the pandemic. My brother in Arizona can't come, nor can my brother in South Carolina due to the restrictions, so it will be small. Funeral parlor says no more than 50. Then Cathy is having a luncheon after the mass on Wednesday in a restaurant, inside! I am very nervous about that, especially because of Josh, who isn't going, but I certainly don't want to risk bringing the virus home to him. I don't know what she's thinking...she is the only one of all of us who has had the virus. I may go look at the place myself tomorrow, but I think i will probably not attend which will upset her, but I think it's too huge a risk. The whole thing is keeping me up at night.

Anyway, it's over. I hadn't realized that it's been nine years! The last two being the worst. It's a horrible disease and I hope it won't be passed down...

Joan, I totally support your decision to stay as safe as you can, especially given Josh’s extreme vulnerability. I know it will be hard to upset your sister, but truly, what *is* she thinking under the circumstances?? I’m guessing we’ve offended (or at least baffled) a few friends who’ve been trying to get us to join them for some “socially distanced” gatherings. But we know they’ve generally been willing to expose themselves to riskier situations than we have, and frankly, I still don’t want to be near anybody at all right now with our cases still surging here in our part of the country. So I encourage you to stick to your guns, and stay as safe as you can.

And I do understand your relief that your mom’s tribulations are finally over. For humans and animals alike, I do believe that release becomes a blessing when all pleasure is gone and daily existence is nothing more than mere survival. But the passing does change things forever for those of us who are left behind. How dear that Sibbie chose to comfort you as she did at that moment of time. Perhaps right then, there was indeed an overlay of spirits in the midst of the coming and going. And even though you’ll all miss your mom as she was at her best, I hope your whole family will now find comfort in knowing that she’s at peace. And that will give you more peaceful days, as well.

Love, Marianne

Thank you for your thoughts, Marianne. I haven't told her yet, but I am not going to attend the lunch. And with this storm heading our way today and ready to hit at the exact wake hours, I have no idea what will happen. My father died in 2008 while they were still living in PA. An ice storm hit the day of his wake, and it was just whatever family had already made it there. They just can't seem to get it right! LOL!

We'll see what happens....

Love,
Joan

Hi Joan, I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. My mom died last December unexepectantly. She never complained about anything. Yet, looking back on her last year or so, she really didn't have much quality-of-life left and knew it. She remained mentally sharp til the end. I think it make it even harder because she knew what was happening and couldn't fix it. Your mom's trials are over and she's free of pain now. Both of them are now at peace. That is such a gift.

With regards to attending a luncheon, or wake for that matter... Your mom understands and wouldn't want you to risk your health by doing what is unsafe. I know this because that's how moms are. So, go with your gut. Yes, your sister has had Covid, but what about the rest of you? I don't understand why there even would be an indoor luncheon right now. Maybe, the family can all do a Celebration of Life get together in a year or so, when it's safe for everyone to attend.

Covid is surging like an out of control wildfire throughout California. We are still hunkered down here, only venturing out weekly for essentials. Restuarants are closed to indoor dining, but I wouldn't be going anyway right now. Returning to work/school is my biggest issue right now. I will hit 30 years in 2022. I can retire now, but would like to make it till then. Another year (or two) isn't going to help a whole lot if I die from Covid, or I bring it home to dad, who is 89.

So Joan, do what is best for you and your family. No one can fault you for that. That's what EVERYONE should be doing right now.

Hugs,

Thank you, Kathy. I never did get to the wake on Tuesday due to the storm. With downed trees and power lines almost all roads were closed. Not many people showed except for family who were already here and some others who did manage to make it from the South shore. I did get to the service at the funeral parlor and mass yesterday though, in spite of the roads still being a little tricky. It was a small group, but I still didn't feel comfortable about the lunch, which I did bow out of.

Both services were beautiful and i am glad that I attended. At the church, when the priest goes around the casket waving the incense over it, an absolutely amazing thing happened. I know it was a sign from Lena and my mom....one of the plumes of smoke formed a perfect smoke ring that looked just like a halo and floated up over the casket to the ceiling of the church! I saw it first and nudged my brother and my nephew who were sitting on either side of me. They saw it and nudged whoever was next to them. My sister is hard of hearing and by the time she understood what we were trying to show her it had disappeared. I know it was a sign that she was safe and well and that Lena was with her. I don't think anyone but me saw it as a sign, just something unusual. I had been asking Lena for signs since she died and I think that was the perfect one. I'm happy that Lena was there for my mom and she is probably sitting in her lap right now.

(((((((Awwww...huge hugs, Joan!)))))))

Joan, I’m so sorry about your mom. Although you know her suffering is over and she is at peace and holding your sweet Lena in her arms, it is a loss and leaves a huge hole in your heart. Sending you big hugs and much love!
Claire

Thank you, Claire. It is strange...even though she hasn't known who I am for so long, I miss her. Everyone is finding pictures of her and she was so beautiful and happy all the time. Just doesn't seem fair that she suffered for so long. I know Lena is happy to have her there, she loved my mom and especially loved visiting them in PA. Both of my parents loved her and I can just see her sitting on their laps.

I still miss her so much...

I am so sorry about your mom, Joan. Even when a loved one is so ill it is still hard to let them go. My dad had suffered with one thing after another for years and I knew he was so tired but when the time came that he could fight no more it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done to tell him it was alright for him to go. My selfishness wanted me to beg him to stay just a little longer. Today it brings me a measure of comfort to know he is with my daughter and all my babies and to know that he and my mom are together again. He worshiped the ground my mom walked on so I know it brought him joy when she joined him. I hope in time you too will find some comfort knowing your mom is with those she and you love. I believe, and often feel, my dad's spirit is still near. Otherwise I couldn't face life at times. I believe your mom will be close by you as well, lending you strength and hope when your burdens seem too much to bear.

Hugs,
Leslie

Thank you, Leslie. My sister had asked everyone to call her the week before she died. She was hoping that if she heard all of the voices of all of the children and grandchildren that she might let go. And it worked, maybe that's what she was waiting for. Whoever was close enough visited in person. I am glad that I saw her on the Monday when she still looked a little like herself, and didn't wait until the end of the week because she declined so rapidly after that. I was completely shocked when I went over to wait with my sister for the funeral parlor to come get her.

It was a long struggle, my sister and her family did a wonderful job taking care of her, and I know this will leave a huge hole in my sister's life, but I hope she will find peace and be able to get back to her old life.

I lost my mom and Dad many years ago when I was 28. We didn’t have video or iPhones so I have photos but nothing with their voices and sometimes I feel so terrible that I can’t remember what they sounded like. I hope all my fur kids are with them waiting for me to cross the bridge and we can all be together. There are nights when I can’t sleep and I swear they all come and haunt me. The hole in my heart has never closed. It’s such a shame we can’t find answers to some of these insidious diseases. Hang on to your memories and know in your heart your precious little Lena is getting lots of cuddles and love and your mom knows who she is and everything else!! Lots of Love!! Claire

Wow! That's young to lose parents. Sometimes I think that prints are better. All my pictures are in my phone, in my laptop, in my desktop, and if you don't use those devices anymore, there go your pics. I have been going through boxes and boxes of them that my sister brought back from my mom's, but then where will I keep them and who will want them after I'm gone.

I don't think they come to haunt you, I think they want you to know that they are all there with you.

Love to you, too!

Happy belated birthday in Heaven, my precious...yesterday you would've been 20! Even though I know you probably wouldn't have lived that long, I still feel cheated. I thought about all the little things I loved about you...your beautiful eyes and the way they always followed me; the way your ears would go down when you saw me; how you would wait until I opened my eyes before you licked my face, never trying to get me up the way Sibbie does; our favorite songs to dance to; how you loved being in my arms; and how I loved to hold you up and kiss your belly.

The holidays were so different this year and not just because you aren't here with us...I don't think we are doing anything for Easter, i really don't want to. Daddy can't really eat much and I don't want to make all the usual stuff that he won't be able to eat. Maybe just brunch, the food is easier for him to chew...I don't know, we'll see. So far no one has mentioned it, maybe just Jess, Jeremy and the boys. Thanksgiving and Christmas was just too much work for me and I don't think we are up for another long day of cleaning, cooking and cleaning up. Getting Dad to all his appointments and treatments is exhausting!

The tree is still up. I have all of your ornaments facing the couch so I can see them...your first Christmas picture ornament; your "I love my Mom and Dad" ornaments; the Willow ornanment with the woman holding the little dog; and the poodle one. I think I will do some photo ornaments with my favorite shots of you for next year. I need to make one of Gable, he's the only one not on there.

I hope Marie, Pop and Grandma Frances sang "Happy Birthday" to you yesterday. Give them all a bunch of kisses for me, my sweet Lee...and Andee, Tem, Phoenix and all the rest who are with you in Heaven.

Mommy still thinks about you, talks about you, and misses you...always and forever, my little angel child, always...

Oh Joan, giant hugs being sent your way. And tonight I’ll light a little candle in celebration of angel Lena’s birthday and abiding spirit. Ever since the holidays, I’ve continued to light candles on my mantle in honor of special souls, special days, and special memories. Tonight my candle will honor Lena alongside the arrival of spring. A special soul and a special day, all rolled into one. Happy, Happy Birthday, dearest little one!!!!!

With much love to you and your mom from Auntie Marianne

(((Hugs))) ♥♥♥

Awww, thank you Marianne. That's so sweet.

And for the hugs, Lori...I can definitely use them...

Love to you both!

Big ole hugs, Joan. These anniversaries are hard enough during the good time much less when you have so much on your plate. I know your sweet girl understands and still feels the love you share.

Thank you, Leslie!

Love,
Joan

My sweet Lee, I hope you were happy to have Gable with you this Thanksgiving. I missed you both so much. Again, I had to smile and pretend...I did all my crying in the shower, before Jess and the kids got here, then before I went to sleep. My Facebook memory came up this morning for Thanksgiving 2015. You were there and so was Gabe...happier holidays for me. I love you both now and forever, and I think of you every day.

Love, Mommy

My baby girl, it's been six years today. I think of you every day, and now Gable is with you for this anniversary in Heaven. I know you must be happy to have him with you, he missed you all these years, too. I miss you both very much and have been thinking of you and him with Andee, Temujin, Phoenix and all the rest. Kiss them all for me, my precious Lena. My heart hurts just as much as the day you left me.

I love you, now and forever, my precious angel.

Love, Mommy

Dear Joan,

Yesterday I came upon this beautiful poem. It was written by an incredible woman who has created a sanctuary for cats she has rescued in Spain. She wrote this poem to honor the many cherished kitties that she’s lost. It touches my own heart so deeply, and I think it embraces us all in the the loss of our furbabies, kitties and doggies alike. I want to post it here today, in honor of Lena, and Gable, and Colleen’s Ginger, and *all* our angels throughout the years. Always in loving memory. Forever in our hearts.

The Places We Go When We Leave
— Elle Maruska

There are worlds upon worlds all blooming with wonder
& numberless doorways between
& when we are done with mere skin & bone
we become travelers of shadow & dream
we do not need form, nor breath, eyes, or claws
to hunt through the brilliance & gleam
& all pain fades away, all fear falls to gray
when we go where we go when we leave
But memory persists & love still exists
& we wait close & we watch as you grieve
for we know you can’t know the places we go
when our bodies fall finally to sleep
but don’t hurt for us long, nor imagine us gone
though we’ve slipped into beauty unseen:
we’re waiting right here for when you finally appear
& we can both go where we go when we leave

I love that, Marianne...and I so hope it's true. I was just beginning to not cry every time I thought of her. I could talk about her and smile. Then Gable died and I'm back to crying again. And there are so many more pictures of him because of Facebook. I am glad that there are, but I miss him...maybe because it's still so soon. I know it will get better with time. But I'm a long-haul griever, I think...

Love to you and Luna...
Joan

Happy Birthday in Heaven, my precious. You would have been 22 years old today! When you died at almost 15, you were the oldest dog we ever had. Now Doree has surpassed you at 17 or 18. She has doggie dementia and it is so sad to see. I'm glad you didn't have to go through that on top of Cushing's.

I love and miss you all the time. Give Gable a kiss for me and all the others who are there with you. I miss you all, now and forever...

Love, Mommy

My precious Lee. Today you have been gone for seven years. Seven years. I still miss you every day. I will never stop. Kiss Gable and Doree for me. I know you must be happy to be together with them again.

Love you now and forever, my sweet little angel...

Mommy

Sending huge and loving hugs, dearest Joan.