Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter - Suspected Pituitary Macro Tumor

You are funny, and very dear Sharlene. I am afraid to go to sleep. :eek: Buddy is unstable. It is my job to keep him stabilized. I'm worried that his blood sugar will drop and I won't be awake to help him. I'm terrified that I am going to wake up and find him dead. So, I sit up and watch him to make sure that he is breathing. I know that this is completely insane and it can't go on forever, but it is the only way that I can relax at all. My family members are of no help, after all he's just a dog. We agree to disagree, so I'm on my own. They don't understand the expense, the emotion, the heartache, or any of it. So I continue to remain on auto-pilot in zombie land. Yes, I am still working through it all. The guys with the white coats are on their way.

Hugs,
Kathy

OK so I'm going to sing you and Buddy a lullaby ok? Go lie down and cuddle next to each other with a soft blankie and here we go:

Lullaby, and good night,
With pink roses bedight,
With lilies o'erspread,
Is my baby's sweet head.
Lay you down now, and rest,
May your slumber be blessed!
Lay you down now, and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed!

Lullaby, and good night,
You're your mother's delight,
Shining angels beside
My darling abide.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.

Sleepyhead, close your eyes.
Mother's right here beside you.
I'll protect you from harm,
You will wake in my arms.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.

Lullaby, and sleep tight.
Hush! My darling is sleeping,
On his sheets white as cream,
With his head full of dreams.
When the sky's bright with dawn,
He will wake in the morning.
When noontide warms the world,
He will frolic in the sun.

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/miscel...ghtlyrics.html

Kim,
Thank you for the lullaby:D

Hugs,
Kathy

Wow, Kim does good lullaby. Hidden talents there! :)

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Kathy:
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time lately. I know what you mean about staying awake, and watching them. I often stay awake and watch my Tipper because of her struggle to breathe, I am also afraid of finding her dead. I am so glad you will be out of school soon. Poor Buddy he has really been through a lot lately also. I pray that you make it thru your school trip and get to summer break. It will be a God send to you and Buddy to have you at home. God Bless your heart I don't know how you are functioning with all this going on. Tipper is sending Buddy hugs and kisses, and she said to tell Buddy she would love to hunt some lizards with him! I feel helpless that I am unable to do anything but support you at this time. God Bless you both.
Patti

Good morning angels:)
My posts have been way to sad and grim lately.:( They are bumming everyone out!!!!!!!!!!! :eek: I have decided not to post on my thread until I have something positive or happy to report. I will continue to support all of you on your threads. I will still be here watching out for you and your precious babies.;)

Marianne,
I know that you want all the gory details and your input and knowledge is invaluable. Please PM me with all your burning questions and I will try to answer them. The rest of you lovely angels are also welcome to send me a PM if you desire. I am trying to eliminate some of the negativity and bad news on my thread. :p

Always,
Kathy

Aw Kathy, you do not need to limit or edit anything you write on your thread! If you want to take a break because that's the best thing for YOU, then it is A-OK. But don't hold back out of fear of writing bad news for the rest of us to read. We are here to read everything and anything -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. :) :( :eek:

So do not censor or hold back on our accounts. And that's an order!!!!

But honestly, I don't have any other questions right now. I'm waiting alongside you to hear what the neurosurgeon has to say. So I hope you'll pass on whatever additional info your vet finds out. And then we'll all move forward -- together!!

Marianne

Dear Kathy,

What Marianne said goes double from me. We are here to help and although we can't always help, we can always listen.

Kathy:
I am so upset that you would not post about Buddy. Thru all of his pictures, and antics I have grown fond of hearing about him.That means good and bad!!! Please don't ever feel you cannot post because you think it is negative, or bad news. I have poured my heart out on here, and so have others. After all, it is about Cushings, and that is nothing good about Cushings. I personally never feel you are negative, you just tell things like they are. I think that is all anyone on here expects, is to be told things how they are no matter how good or bad. There are just a lot of nasty things that happen to these babies from this disease so writing about it at times may seem negative, but it is something we need to hear, as it may help someone else. I always want to hear it all, as it may provide me with information I need for Tipper. Sometimes when you are down, or want to get things off you chest, you need to come here to do it. I know not everyone has family members that support them in this struggle, in fact some family members oppose what we try to do, and think we are crazy. It is important that all of us remain compassionate and understanding, especially in light of many new members coming on here for support. I have no one and no family left. My only help is this forum. I would be lost without the support of the wonderful people I have leaned on in scary situations I have had to deal with. At times some members babies are doing well and they have nothing bad to report, so it can seem like they are upbeat and all you post is bad, but that is just how things are going for you that day. I don't think anyone on here can sit in judgment of others. Every situation is different and some people never experience problems when treating their babies. Others have a multitude of problems and struggle. So let's all agree that no matter what anyone writes concerning their baby , that it is their personal journey and they have a right to express it! Blessings
Patti

hey there,

If posting about our mighty lizard hunter is hard for you and bringing you down and upsetting you, then we understand, don't post. If you think it is bad news and you should not post because of others then we all stand beside you saying, not true, we are all in it together, good news, bad news, no news, does not matter.

Melt downs are also allowed on our threads, so if you need to have one, have one.;);)

But really, you need to keep some sleep somehow. I know how bad insomnia can get, trust me I have gone to work for weeks on end with little to no sleep. At some point though, it takes its toll and I worry about you. Buddy needs a rested mommy too.:):)

Hey Kathy, you are not bringing any of us down, plz continue to post good or bad, unless you don't want to of course...we can all learn from each others posts and don't expect only good ones...the many adventures of Buddy and his lizards keeps me going and I'm sure many others, but you need to get your stories out too...we all feel the same at one time or another, and like others have said, this is all I have too for support....and we all support each other, good times and bad, sending hugs!

Okay, Okay I get it!!!!!!!!!;) I'm not normally a doom and gloom kind of person. I work with special needs kids all day. You have to be fairly upbeat and easy going to do that! ;) It is hard for me to read so many sad stories on the forum sometimes. I want to be able to wave a magic wand or recite a special prayer that would fix all of your babies and take your heartache away. Obviously, that is not possible.:(That is why I didn't want to continue to add to them. It is not that I'm unwilling to share, it's just too much doom and gloom!:(I am working on the rest thing, I really am!:p

Hugs,
Kathy

:(:( We are here for good times & bad. hugs to you & sweet little Buddy.

I wrote a poem for all of you! It's not too bad on no sleep! Enjoy:D

An Army of Angels
There are angels everywhere
Flittering here, soaring there,
and spreading hope for all to share

Sending love to every breed,
holding hands of those in need

They come disguised as regular folk,
but what they do, is no joke

They listen to others pour their heart out
and yet, they never yell or shout

They always say, "It'll be okay
and I'm with you, all the way

Even when our babes move on
they are there, marching them on

Picking up the pieces of those who are left
is what our angels do the best

Lighting candles for all to see
helps us set our babies free

They have lost loves of their own
and sometimes they still cry and moan

Yet, they return the very next day
to help out in every way

Such is the life of our angelic group
and they're always ready to scoop up the poop!:D

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy that is sooooo beautiful. I cried, just because.

I do want to echo what others said too. Doom and gloom is unfortunately, a part of this life we all lead. Some days are good, some are not so very good. We are happy sometimes, and other sad, and then Others, well watch out because we're just royally ticked off mad.

There is one other aspect that I want to mention when it comes to posting on your thread. First, though I'll say, absolutely, if YOU don't feel up to it then don't, that is fine, we understand. However, if it is to save us form the reality of life, then pfffttt, we all know the reality, it's not always pretty. It's not always dire either though either.

So what I wanted to mention is that, sometimes, people never become members, but they need help, their babies have symptoms. Often they find a good search will lead them to us and then they might become members, some just try to learn all they can. Some join and then do searches for stories who match their own.

Anything that you go through, that Buddy goes through, I'd hope could and would be documented for those who come behind and walk the same path you do. It is so helpful for them to find someone else who has gone through the same thing. Whether it is positive or not so very positive, every post you make, helps someone else. You probably don't even realize it. You probably don't even realize that you too have become one of the k9 angels, helping others.

I know that working with special needs kids take a special kind of person. (I have family members doing the same thing :) my sister for one) You are that special kind of person, so I know that this is really wearing on you body and soul.

BIG HUGS
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Kathy:
What a wonderful, and touching poem. It made me cry, but they were good tears. You are functioning so well with no sleep, I don't know how you are doing it, but I sure understand why. Blessings
Patti

Oh Kathy,

That sure is a beautiful poem which brought tears to my eyes too.

Sending huge and loving hugs, Lori

Awesome poem Kathy!!!

Oh Kathy,

This really touched my heart like you would not believe. Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!
Terry xxx

Kathy, wow!! :o :) :)

Spread your wings, and welcome to the Angel Brigade. You have more than earned your feathers...:o :o :o

Kathy, I cried too! That is such a nice poem!

Julie & Hannah

Oh Kathy,
I am so late getting in on everything. Haven't been on the computer all day until now. :( I'm just so sorry for what you're going thru. I know how those sleepless nights feel when you just keep checking up on your pup and are unable to truly rest. It can feel lonely in the wee hours watching every breath.
I'm sure you haven't been a downer to anyone at all!! I know everyone who posts on this board "gets it". No one here would ever think "it's just a dog" NO WAY...so your feelings are safe with us.
I hope when you want to post that you will! Anything...good and bad, because that's why we are all here.
awww..I loved your poem too. Hoping you will be able to get a little shut eye tonight in preparation for the Sea World trip, and when it's over you can start your weekend which I am sure you desperately need!
Positive thoughts and hugs coming your way! :)
Barbara

Awwww that poem is so sweet Kathy! Love it! Buddy must be loving all this attention with him Mom up all hours! Have fun on the trip tomorrow, maybe it will tire you out so you crash and have a decent sleep when you get home then will be ready to face the weekend with some fun for you and your boy.

Thinking of you and the Budster lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm off the Sea World this morning with many very excited kidlets :D:rolleyes:Buddy had a quiet night with no further spells. He is spunky and active this morning. Right now he is telling to put my IPad down and get his breakfast! There are priorities you know!:D

Hugs,
Kathy

You bet there are priorities!! LOL Buddy won't let you forget that at all!
Have fun at Sea World. Would love to be going there right now

hugs,
Sharlene and molly Muffin

Disclaimer………For those of you who are waiting for the gory details from Buddy's appointment, I have assimilated them enough to talk about them now. For the rest of you, please skip this post. Don't say I didn't warn you! On March 11th, I took Buddy to the vet specialty hospital for a neuro- consultation. He was seen by a neurosurgeon and two neurologists. The appointment took about an hour and a half and they tested everything. They even took him outside to see him walk and conducted more tests outside. Buddy was showing neuro symptoms at that time and needed a clearance in order for his regular vet to do Cushing's testing. This is the third hospital that he had been sent to. All of them were seeing Cushings. He had already had an ultrasound at the emergency hospital a week or so before. At the time of his appointment he was wobbly on his legs, had difficulty standing on tile floor, and was visibly weak. Both of his back legs showed reduced motor control, one side tested far worse than the other. His front legs tested fine at that point. It showed an obvious neuro-pathway disruption (their words). There were a few possible causes at that point. Some of the weakness in his hind legs could be due to Cushings muscle wasting, but that didn't explain the neuro pathway disruption. Possible causes were a disk problem in his back - tested with Spinal Rads, then ruled out. A stroke was another possible cause since one side of Buddy's body was more affected than the other (at that time). The last possible cause would be brain tumor or Macro-tumor (as Cushings was already suspected). They recommended a $3500 MRI. If he had a or tumor or a stroke, it would probably show on the MRI. The other option was to test for Cushings, start treatment if found and wait for more neuro symptoms to appear. I had already spent more than $2000 the previous week on vet bills and did not have an additional $3500 for an MRI. I chose the second option and Cushing's testing was started the next day. The theory being that once Cushing's cortisol level was controlled then they would better be able to determine the cause of the neuro symptoms. If it was a stroke the neuro symptoms would remain constant and unchanged. If there was a tumor, reducing the cortisol would more likely worsen the symptoms as high cortisol tends to control or slow down the growth of Tumors. This brings us up to Tuesday's appointment. Many of the same neuro tests were repeated by Buddy's regular doctor. His neuro symptoms had worsened significantly. He failed many of the tests that he passed 2 1/2 months earlier. All four legs now showed obvious loss of motor control. His front legs often buckle now when he walks or runs. They were not affected at the time of his initial consultation. Head tremors videos (taken by me) also showed activity in the head area, indicating tumor activity. The neurosurgeon said the diagnosis would become clear within the next few months. It looks like she was right. All indications point to a brain or macro tumor putting pressure on the brain. My vet was going to review all of Buddy's tests since puppyhood and contact the neurosurgeon to fill her in, so we can determine a course of action and verify that she concurs with his findings. I am waiting to hear back. I have tried to explain what I know clearly. I hope that your able to figure it all out.

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy-(sigh) wow...you and Buddy have been through a lot since March. It's amazing how spunky Buddy is after all that has gone on.
I'm glad he was feeling good this morning. I hope you are able to get some rest tonight, you must be really tired between the day at Sea World with the kids and all this on your mind.
Glad your weekend is here and I hope it's a good one for you and the Budster. Hopefully you will get more answers once you hear back from the neuro vet. I'm so glad you have your trusted vet back in charge.
Big hugs,
Barbara

Hi Barbara,
Thank you for your post of support.:) Sea world was beautiful today. It was 78°, and sunny with a cool breeze. The kids were mischievously wild, as expected.:D. I always get the boys because they are more rambunctious.;) We had a wonderful time. My secret is to eat as much sugar as them, so I'm able to keep up with them! LOL:D This is my 21st year and I still love what I do. I am truly blessed. :p. Where are Trixie's ACTH numbers? She tested on Tuesday!!!

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy--that's a new photo of Buddy isn't it?? He looks so cute!! Is he Robin Hood? Peter Pan? heehee he is so adorable in his outfits!! I just posted a long winded post on my thread re the acth test. All is fine.
So glad you had a good day at Sea World. Sounds like your kids are lucky to have you! I like the sugar consumption technique..sounds like a good plan!! :D
21 years is amazing...great to love what you do..that's why you're so good at it I'm sure!!
Have a great weekend. :) Barbara

The littlest dinosaur, of course! He wouldn't wear the head!:D

Hugs,
Kathy

haha...the little dinosaur! He's probably trying to intimidate the lizards as a giant reptile!! :D I love it!!
Barbara ;)

What a cutie that Buddy is, I thought it was a pickle costume :)

Hey Kathy

I thought he was a lizard :D

How are you both today?

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

Kathy:
I am hoping and praying against all odds that Buddy does not have a tumor. You two have certainly been through enough. I just cannot get enough of Buddy's escapades and costumes, he is soooo cute ! I am glad you enjoyed the day at SeaWorld and got this off of your mind for a while. I think Buddy is dressing up so he can go incognito outside and get a surprise jump on those lizards! Blessings
Patti

Hi Kathy,
Well, that is a fine state of affairs. One options that they might suggest is to stop the vetoryl. I don't know of course, but it might be that the higher cortisol will be better for Buddy than the vetoryl. I'm sure that your vet is going to go over all this with you once he talks to the neuro staff. Hang in there kiddo. We'll be right here with you, whatever may come.
Well and isn't that a fine outfit. Mel - A Lizard!!! hahahaha That Buddy does live dangerously considering his escapades in the backyard Lizard Hunting. ROFL
Glad you had a great time with the kids at Sea World. Sugar, now that is an option. I hear the burn out is YIKES at the end of the day though.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

I was kidding about the sugar on the field trip guys!!!!!!!!!!;) I actually don't eat sugar because it triggers my migraines. So now you have it!:D

Hugs,
Kathy

Yes Sharlene, I know the decision that I'm going to have to make. It will be one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my lifetime. It all comes down to quality of life, what is best for Buddy. If it were up to me, I would pop a pack of energizer batteries in him and keep him going and going and going, like the energizer bunny on the commercials. Buddy was miserable before I started Trilostane. He would lie in his bed all day, only leaving to go potty. Even then, he had to be coaxed out. He didn't hunt, he didn't play, he didn't interact much, he was just there. :(Trilostane gave him his life back. If I stop it, he will quickly revert back to the way it was before his cortisol was controlled. That is no way to live, if there is another option. Keeping him on the Trilostane will most likely shorten his life the way the neuro symptoms are progressing, because it will leave the tumor left unchecked. His legs will most likely give out on him much more quickly and permanently, leaving him unable to stand or even get up. Trilostane could slow down the tumor growth, keeping him with me longer, at the expense of the his quality of life. So it comes down to longer or better. That is a crappy choice to have to make!!!:(

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy:
Tipper and I are saying a super, duper prayer for you and Buddy. I know what you are facing, and it will be a very tuff decision. You are in between a rock and a hard place. My heart goes out to you. None of us should ever have to make that decision. This Cushings really stinks! You are a wonderful mom to Buddy and I know you will choose what is right for him. You put a lot of thought into his care. May God give Buddy a miracle healing. God Bless You Both
Patti

Dear Kathy,

Thanks so much for being willing to explain all the neuro observations and diagnostics that have been done so far. I am guessing it was not very easy to write. :o

But everything that has been said makes perfect sense to me, and so I realize that you are now in the midst of a painful guessing game as to how Buddy's journey will unfold.

For what it's worth, I do understand why you may opt to continue the Vetoryl. We were faced with exactly the same decision with Barkis when we suspected an enlarging macrotumor. We did stop his trilostane entirely for a very short time, but his debilitating Cushing's symptoms quickly rebounded. So we tried to pick sort of a compromise and restarted him at a lower dose for his remaining time with us.

As crazy as it sounds, we have also seen some specialists prescribe BOTH trilostane and prednisone for dogs afflicted with problematic tumors. Although I have never had the rationale explained with certainty, I do believe it is with this thought in mind. A steroid can indeed be helpful in terms of reducing swelling and inflammation caused by the tumor, but you'd like it to be administered in a controlled fashion. So by continuing with the trilostane, the natural cortisol remains in check at the same time that a very specific dose of prednisone is administered. In this way, the dog isn't suffering from the excessively high, uncontrolled cortisol of Cushing's but is instead receiving a predictable steroid dose. So if, by chance, your neurosurgeon makes a suggestion like this -- it may not be as nutty as it initially sounds.

Anyway, bottom line, my heart goes out to you because I will always remember how painful it was for us when Barkis' neuro deficits became ever more obvious. But our family here helped save me then, and our family here will save you now, Kathy. We will be walking beside you every step of the way. And I know you will make the choices that will keep Buddy as comfortable as possible for as long as you can.

Marianne

That is a very good thought Marianne about the trilostane and prednisone. Didn't someoen on here do that before, or did I read it. I can't remember at this point.
Other thing would to do a mild decrease of the vetoryl so as to allow it to come up a bit but not so much as to cause the symptoms to come back. So definitely things to think about.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin