Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter - Suspected Pituitary Macro Tumor

Hey Kathy, here too sending hugs and praying for peace....so glad you got his blanket that smells like him....

Mel,
I'm not sure if the administrators will be able to post the video clip of Buddy smiling. I would be happy to send it to you directly. Please send me your email address via PM and I'll forward it on. It's okay if you do not want to share your email address.

Course I will you silly one. Will send it to you in a bit. My Tara used to smile when she woke up and found me every morning. Used to warm my heart that she was that pleased to see me

Dear, sweet Kathy,

After my daughter died I didn't want to live. I had no reason to live. She was the only person who really needed me and she was gone. Vibrant, beautiful, present one day, and gone the next. It felt like I was no longer needed by anyone. Every breath I took felt like a betrayal, like a cruel joke, like stealing. The few memories I have of the next two years aren't pleasant. One night I woke up on the couch with a butcher knife in my hands - I don't remember going to the couch nor getting the knife nor what my thoughts were, tho I am pretty sure what my intent was. I don't know what stopped me that time or any of the other times. But something kept my hands stilled - and that also felt like betrayal, a cruel joke, stealing. I had no right to draw breath when my child no longer could. I had utterly failed her on every level.

Buddy is your child just as much as Gia is mine. You are a mother who has lost her baby boy and there is no pain like this in the whole world, none. It is incomprehensible, incomparable, and indescribable to those who have never lived through it....and you will live through it just as I have. You will face those "firsts" as they come with terrible anticipation, fear and anguish - then cry when they pass with fresh pain. Then you will face those "seconds" with a tiny bit more ease, and the "thirds" and the "fourths" and on and on and on. At some point, you will look through your tears and see Buddy looking back at you - and you will know he has never really left, that he has been by your side the whole time, just waiting for you to be able to see him. You may see him as white feathers floating down around you from nowhere, or a bloom on a bush that shouldn't yet be blooming and you will know it is your sweet boy showing himself to you, telling you that he is alright now and that he loves you as much as ever - that he needs you to keep fighting as much as ever. And, as impossible as it is to believe today, that he is grateful to you for taking his pain, confusion, and fear away, for sparing him the horror that was to come, for giving him freedom from his failing vessel.

For now, you grieve as you need and let us grieve with you. Let our tears mingle with yours, let our prayers rise with yours, let our strength and hope sustain you. In the mingling, we honor Buddy's life, we honor Gia's life, we honor the lives of all those we love and have lost. We need you, Kathy, as much as you need us right now and we will not leave you now or ever.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, and our Angels, Ruby, Crystal, Tasha and Josie

"On this side of The Bridge, time is painful, but it gives me a chance to live and love on."
Jeanne, Kiska’s Mom

Any sleep at all for you Kathy? I hope you managed to doze a bit or at least just rest in bed. I see the nighttime duo Mel and Trish were there to help get you through.
Today won't be easy, that's for sure.
I keep looking at all Buddy's photos..and showed them to my girls who also shed some tears.
I can't eat at all when I feel terribly sad so I can understand that you don't feel like having anything...but I agree with an earlier post..(was it Marianne's?) who suggested Carnation instant breakfast... a yogurt or a milkshake...just something that will give you a little bit in your stomach.
I would love to see the video of Buddy. Do you still have my email?
Thinking of you Kathy...I know you are feeling lonely...
everyone is here for you...
Barbara

Dear sweet, Kathy, I am just seeing this sad news this morning and I want to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. My heart aches for you. Buddy was so incredibly fortunate to have you for a mom....you knew him like the back of your hand and he knew that you would know when he was ready to be released from his pain. You made one of the most selfless decisions we parents ever have to make in our lifetime. I realize that it's of little consolation at this moment, but please know that many, if not all of us, know the pain you are in right now and also know that only time will bring you relief.

The Budster is gone from the physical world but he will be with you always, as will your k9c family. Don't ever forget that you are not alone...we are here for you and we will always remember and honor your precious Buddy.

Godspeed sweet Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter.

((((Big Consoling Hugs))))

Glynda

How did you teach Buddy to smile on command? That is amazing.
I looked at your albums last night. The pictures are so dear and precious.

Hey Kathy, I'm back and I don't think I can attach your video in its present storage form. But maybe one of the other staffers can figure out a way to convert it to an uploadable form. So stay tuned...

Checking in on you Kathy. I hope that you got some sleep.

Good morning :) awww, I want to see the smiling Buddy. I bet that is real cute.

Sending you lots of big hugs Kathy
Sharlene and Molly Muffin