yes those are beautiful memories Joan and ones that you will always have. You hold them in our heart and bring them out when you need to, like a heart photo album.
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yes those are beautiful memories Joan and ones that you will always have. You hold them in our heart and bring them out when you need to, like a heart photo album.
Yesterday was 10 months, my precious baby...such a long time. I miss you so much, Lee. This is Christmas week and it just does not feel the same. I'm trying.
The new tree is up and decorated. I'm making shortbreads. The front of the house is decorated...we used to stand outside and just look, remember? I bought a pretty flag for the front lawn. Father Christmas surrounded by poodles and he's holding a little white one who looks just like you, and he's holding her just the way I used to hold you. When I bid on it from the online auction, I didn't notice that. I liked it because of the poodles, but also there was a red one who looked like Sibbie.
When I opened it, I couldn't believe my eyes..there you were. I know I didn't see you when I bid on it or I would've been frantically waiting for it. Truth is, I almost forgot about it. So now when I come home or leave the house, there you are...watching for me the way you used to.
So I'm at my desk crying...no one is here except for Savitre and she has gotten used to hearing me crying for you. It is going to be a tough week, my sweet, little girl. Mommy misses you all the time...I'm trying, Lee. I love you always and forever, my precious, little angel child.
Thinking of you Joan. Love love love the story about the Christmas flag. Hugs from us.
Thanks, Annie...hugs to you and Whiskey as well!
Sending you a big hug Joan. What a wonderful surprise. Father Christmas holding a sweet white poodle that looks just like your precious Lena. Lena is always with you.
What a special flag that will be and each time you see it, you will think of Lena.
I hope you have a wonderful christmas holiday. It may not be the same, but I still hope its pretty wonderful!
I hope the same for you, Sharlene. I am thinking of all of you and how very much I appreciate having you in my life. I don't know how I would have gotten through these last 10 months without you.
Merry Christmas...
Hugs Joan! I know exactly what you mean
Happy New Year in Heaven, my precious...I can't believe we are beginning a new year without you. It doesn't seem right. Me and Daddy just watched a movie last night and it ended after 12:00. I almost forgot about it being New Year's Eve, but then all the fireworks started. Cooper got hysterical and started shaking, Sibbie started barking and was also afraid, but Gable seemed very calm this year. I had to hug poor Cooper and Sibbie until they calmed down.
The fireworks never bothered you...you were never afraid of anything, Lee, always confident that nothing would hurt you; that you were safe and Mommy and Daddy would take care of and protect you. If only we could have protected you from Cushing's...
I couldn't say Happy New Year to Dad...all I could do was cry. I held it together all day, but leaving 2016 felt like I was leaving you behind.
We are all on the couch this morning, everyone is in their spots. Your spot behind me on the arm of the couch is still empty...none of them have ever taken it. It's like they know that it is off limits. It will always be your space, Lena, by my shoulder where I would lean back and kiss you, listen to you breathe and breathe in your scent.
Josh made avocado rolls at their house last night. You would have loved that. You did love avocado! And fruit...how you loved your fruit! You and your Dad, always trying out these weird, exotic fruits...Lychee was your all-time favorite until Dad discovered Jack fruit a couple of years ago. I think Daddy really misses you when he's eating fruit and you're not at his feet waiting for some, or when he comes home with some new one and you aren't here to taste it with him. He always says that "Lee would've loved this one".
We miss so you so much, Lena...Happy New Year, my precious angel. Mommy loves you always and forever...
Hey Joan, just popping in to say howdy and a Happy New Year.
What beautiful memories of Lena.
Happy New Year, its been a while since I visited. I felt like my grief was bringing you down but I see it is still hard for you also. I was talking with my sister about this because I'm still missing my Bandit to, I told her I don't know what it was about him but I can't seem to let go. I guess like Lena, Bandit was my baby and I knew something was different about him the first time I saw him. I hope we feel better as this year goes on, I know I am glad 2016 is gone it was such a sad year.
I'm so happy to hear from you! Happy New Year to you, too! No, you were not bringing me down. I can't get over Lena either. Your right about that special one...from the moment I saw her, and she wasn't even supposed to be mine. My husband got her for himself.
I've been thinking also of how I just can't move on...and I really don't care. I don't want to forget her; I don't want to just accept the fact that she's not here anymore. Tomorrow will be 11 months and I've missed her every single day. I don't cry as much, but when I do, I really do...and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I do find myself smiling sometimes when I think of her and the things she used to do...smiling, crying all rolled into one.
I love the rest of them and Sibbie is a joy! She makes me laugh and does distract me, but it doesn't change how much I loved or miss Lena. I couldn't even celebrate Sibbie's first birthday because it was 10 months to the day that Lena died. I felt terrible, but I just could not do it. I took her shopping and let her pick out some toys, but that was as much as I could do.
I hope that Sammy and Betty are making you happy in whatever way they can. Please visit once in a while so I know you are okay. I wish you a better new year and hope we both find peace with the loss of our darling babies.
Love,
Joan
I will try to come visit more often, it seems to be getting easier to come to this site, as long as I don't read to much about other babies and this horrible disease. I'm with you I don't want to forget and I don't want to move on if that means forgetting my baby.
Betty is getting older and I just took her to get her teeth cleaned, it was very hard to do because that is when I found out Bandit had cushings is when I took him for his teeth cleaning. I was worried until I picked her up but she is fine. Sammy makes me laugh a lot he is just a crazy little dog. I love him and Betty but its just not the same. I'm glad you are doing ok. I will be checking back , its coming up on a year for us both.
I wish I could just skip February.
Same thing with Lee...two weeks after getting her teeth cleaned and some pulled, was when the symptoms just seemed to accelerate to where it wasn't my imagination anymore, and her blood work came back so bad. And she was fine after the procedure. I was so worried about putting her out at her age, but when I got home from work, she was busy eating.
I am dreading the one year anniversary...I've been crying to and from work for weeks now. I still feel like someone has punched me in the stomach when I think about her being gone. I still can't talk about her without crying. I miss her every single day.
Me, too...2016 was definitely one of my worst years...
Everything is still before and after Lena...
I understand that Joan, the before and after. :( 2016 wasn't a fab year for many of us. I think we all would rather just move away from it. Unfortunately emotions don't get board with that when we want them to
You're so right, Sharlene. I wish we could go back...I can't believe I haven't seen or held her in almost a year.
Group hugs, for everyone! I could use a hug right about now...
Here's one from me <HUG>
(((Hugs)))
My precious, Lena...it has been one long year today. One year...and I have cried every day. I miss you so much, Lee.
Josh is in the hospital again, just like this time last year. That Sunday after you died, I had to watch Alex because Jess was at the hospital with Josh. Thank God Jeremy came because I was in such shock over you dying that I could not have watched him by myself. All I remember of that day, and most after, was just sitting or lying on the couch.
After he left today, I sat outside with Daddy. It was such a beautiful day and I thought of how much you loved sitting on the deck watching everything, taking your little strolls along the paths, watching you investigate every bush, plant and the ponds. I could almost see you hopping up the one step into the rose garden and then hopping down and making your way back to us on the deck. I would sit on the step and you would sit in my lap facing the garden and we would just watch. I always loved those moments. I have so many pictures of you sitting on my legs facing out.
It is still so strange without you, my baby girl. I posted some pictures of you in Williamsburg on their Facebook page. I'm hoping that someone will remember you and our trip that year. You were such a big hit...everyone wanted to meet "Princess Lena".
Every memory of every occasion that I can remember, you were part of. You were such a presence in our lives, Lee.
One year and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. You are forever in my heart and mind. I talk to you constantly in my head, sometimes out loud. My first thought when I wake is of you as is my last before I sleep.
I was driving to work one day and thinking about that night and wondering...were you waiting for me? wondering where I was?
were you afraid? And I looked at the car ahead of me and there on the license plate was "JoeFixIt". I hoped that you were telling me that Pop was taking care of you because no one in Heaven would be calling him Pop, they would be calling him Joe...I hope so.
There will be no more "firsts" after today. They've all been so hard. I've dreaded each one.
I love you forever and always, my precious, angel child...Mommy will always love you...you are my heart.
Hugs Joan. There are no words, just tears and hugs.
I know, Sharlene...hugs right back at you.
((((((((Sobby hugs from me, too.)))))))))
Joan, the first year is so very hard, filled with tears and memories. Most are precious and beautiful. All a part of the life you and Lena shared. Hugs
Lena... thank you for watching over your mommy this past year. You know how beautiful and loving she is, and how strong... and just when to send her the right message to give her more strength when she needs it. You are a bright star for her, today and always.
Joan... much love to you, my friend.
Dear Joan, thinking of you with much love and comforting hugs. As I said in Whiskeys thread, they are woven into every fiber of the fabric of our lives. Such a part of everything we do, every single day. Bless you, and your family, and take comfort from your other pups and all of us here who care about you. Lena is watching over you all.
Thanks, Leslie...I was hoping they would start to subside, but alas, not yet...Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirt's Mom
I do smile more when I think of her, Dawn...sometimes without realizing it. I'll picture her sweet little face and the way her ears would go down when she saw me and a smile will start. She always made me smile, and she knew it. I hope you are doing okay...Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyslittlegirl
I know, Annie...the rest of them do bring me comfort, especially my Gable and Sibbles. Cooper is oblivious to anything but being happy that he is in a home with other dogs and not in a cage anymore. He's happy all the time, he doesn't even care if I get mad at him when he marks in the house...it's like, oh well, she won't be mad for long, LET'S PLAY!! And Doree is getting old, she's going to be 13 or 14 and is slowing down and pretty cranky when the rest of them bother her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiskey's Mom
I just wish they could be with us longer...I hate knowing someday I will lose them.
You're sweet, Shana. She is my shining star. There is this little cluster of stars that I always used to see when we lived in Kings Point. I used to point it out to Lee, she would look up, but I know she didn't see it (we pretended that she did :) ). Since we moved to Glen Cove 13 years ago, I have had a hard time finding it. I don't know why, it couldn't possibly have disappeared. But I finally found it the other night, the one year anniversary. I let the dogs out in the back on this beautiful, clear night, and looked up and there it was.Quote:
Originally Posted by DoxieMama
It's been a hard year for so many of us. Every year is a hard year for so many of us...much love back to you, dear Shana~
Another one from Leslie, Lena...
Remember Our Love
I was chosen today
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry
And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone
When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.
Remember our love
In a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beside you
when you're thinking of me.
Julie Epp
Another one for you, my precious....I was remembering the other day how you used to sigh when I picked you up and held you to my heart, Lee. We'd look out the window together and you would just settle in and we would be one. I miss that so much. Sibbie doesn't like to be held. I could rock you in my arms for hours, dance around to our favorite music. I found the little front carrier I had for you when you were a baby. You faced out and would watch me cook, do the dishes, clean. It was so small! You were a teeny little thing, my teeny little baby, my angel child. I love you, Lee.
Tribute To A Best Friend
Sunlight streams through window pane
unto a spot on the floor....
then I remember,
it's where you used to lie,
but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound....
then I remember,
It's where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road,
and up beyond the hill,
then I remember it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still.
But I'll take that vacant spot of floor
and empty muted hall
and lay them with the absent voice
and unused dish along the wall.
I'll wrap these treasured memorials
in a blanket of my love
and keep them for my best friend
until we meet above.
Author Unknown
Joan, my baby did the same thing. I think the sigh was a sign of contentment. A feeling of being loved. Safe in your loving arms. So many precious memories of your sweet baby.
Didn't you just love that, Dawn? She would do it and then I would do it...and she'd sink right in to my chest. Sibbie will lay on my legs or next to me, and if I pet her, she will do it...but it's not the same. Maybe she will someday...I miss Lee.
Yes, I did Joan. I treasure all the things we shared. I miss everything about her. I know how much you miss your Lena. . I feel the same way about my baby. Days pass but the missing remains the same.
I know, Dawn...some days I just can't function, I miss her so much.
It still hits me like a punch in the stomach. I can not believe that she is gone and I can't hold or see her anymore.
I love the rest of them, and all the others who went before, but she was the one, she was my baby and I miss her all the time....
Dear Joan my heart aches for you. We all have are one and only. Lena was such a sweet heart. She is in your soul your heart and every breath you take. Four years since Apollo died and I miss him every day.
Love Sonja and Apollo
Joan, I use the stars to talk to molly and to my mom. They just seem to always be a point of reference for me when I need that connection.