Dad of Lulu - sweet Lulu has crossed The Bridge

Hi Bob and Moo - so pleased to read you have your girl home with you where she belongs :) I so have my fingers crossed for you on the job front Bob, because that means little darling Stella wherever she comes from....... will be making her big entrance into your lives!

Thinking of you lots
Trish xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well I had my first dream with Lulu running around, and though in the past I would be a bit confused, I remember just before I woke up, thinking that this was a dream, Lulu has crossed the Rainbow Bridge! I wonder why it is we dream often of people we have known and pets after they are gone. I used to have dreams of my Susie, before.

As a surprise treat, here is a picture of Susie when she was a new puppy! Susie

You are so lucky, honey, to have dreamed about our girl. I wish I would dream about her. I am so happy that we finally got her remains home with us. It is comforting some how, to know she is home with us, once again where she belongs. The cats are glad to have her back too. They both went over to the box and rubbed on it. Then they sat there and meowed at it. I moved it from the living room to the family room, and Molly noticed it gone, right away. She started meowing and went and sat right where it had been sitting....and they call them dumb animals. I don't think so.
Moo

I firmly believe they come to us in our dreams when we need them.
I used to dream of my father for many years after his death. I alway woke up feeling very happy and calm. I would tell my husband "Dad came to visit last night". I could not force myself to meet him in my dreams by talking about him before bed or looking at pictures; nope he would not show up then. Dad would just pay a visit when I least expected it but when it seemed I really needed him and did not even know it.

Enjoy the visits.:)

Hi Lulu's mom and dad. I've been out of touch for a few weeks so am getting this news kind of late, but I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain and sort of feel like those of us who have lost our little ones this year are sort of in the same club. Each step we take on the path since the loss is a milestone. The first walk alone, the bringing the ashes home, the first time on the treadmill without her watching.

I'm at the 7 week mark and I still have those moments. I live alone and I don't cook, and I was forever ordering too much food so I could bring things home to Baxter. Eating at the places with his favorite treats gives me a pang every time. There is this gourmet hamburger place that I brought two burgers from the week that he passed away. I was so thrilled when he ate his hamburger and mine too! I actually got some beef out of the freezer and cooked four more patties and he ate those too! That was a happy day. And now I haven't been able to bring myself to eat at that hamburger place. Yesterday I went through the chick filet drive through, I always brought home extra nuggets for Baxter, and I found myself buying them yesterday too. I dumped them on a plate for him and left it out overnight.

I haven't been back to the pond where I took him on walks yet. I want to, to walk there and think of him, but it will be so painful. You know after the first couple of weeks I worried because I felt that I wasn't grieving enough, that I was bouncing back too fast. What I've found is, though we get back into the routine of living our lives, the grief is still quite painful and lingering. I still cry hard sometimes, missing him. I think this is normal. I think this will lessen over time, but that the memories and love will remain as strong as ever. I worried about that too, that the memory would fade, but I still have bright vivid moments of remembering things about Baxter, as plain as if the events happened just yesterday. So I don't worry about losing the memories now. I envy you your dreaming of Lulu - you are very lucky =) I hope that happens for me too.

PS Addy posted as I was writing my own little note. But I agree 1000%, Addy you are so wise!

Thanks Addy & Gummysmurf, I am going to read more from 'Embraced by the Light', it's a short read, so then will work on more grieving exercises. I did go to a local dog rescue place after trying to find more about the job in Port Huron yesterday. They introduced me to about 5 or there 15 or dogs they have taken in. They sure are doing a great job and have a spacious place for them.

I took a walk this morning and could feel the presence of Lulu around me. I did my own grieving exercise or started it. I start it with this question: What does it take to be a human? (Now what will lead after this is replace human with dog or whatever kind of pet you have).

But to answer, and I have only partly done so: To be a human is to have a physical presence which includes different systems. You have lungs to breathe, you have a stomach to take in food and water. You have to have a nervous system and humans also have a brain that is in charge of this system. You have other organs in your body needed for life processes. Now when you leave this world you will stop using your stomach and lungs and your brain. So then what is left? (Well this is as far as I got on this question, because it is also where people may differ. Some say that is it, we are all physical and others will say that is not true, there is something else we have and our physical body is just a vehicle to our 'soul' or whatever you want to call what is us or what is human?

Well, we will leave it at that for now, I will go on with this later.

Saturday morning I woke having dreamed again of Lulu and another one of my dogs, Lenny. Lenny was a small dog I had for a few years until one day, un-neutered Lenny disappeared. Though I would check the humane and pound places, I heard through the grapevine that a chicken farmer may have been responsible for me never finding him. Well Lulu did and they ran along areas I was familiar with and I had to run pretty good to keep up with them.

I have finished 'Embraced by the Light' and I feel good that when we go, we will see our pets.

Now today I was able to treadmill and listen to music. But after the first mile, I kept looking in spots for Lulu, on a rug, outside, chewing a nylabone ... I had to stop and go upstairs and I brought down a framed picture of Lulu from four years ago on the lawn standing proud.

I was able to treadmill 2.7 more miles for my goal of 3.7 miles that I usually try to do.

I did visit a dog rescue place on Thursday after checking on the tech. director position. They showed me five dogs, from nine years to just over two years all lovable.

I had another nibble on a job prospect today, with a LinkedIn message from someone that read my profile and is thinking that she can use my skills. So I keep looking as I wait for that hopeful interview this week.

Well Moo has the Oscar Previews on, I will try to watch some of it. There are probably a couple of movies I would love to see, maybe 'Argo' & Moo read 'Life of Pi' and liked it.

Hi Dad,

You know, every time you write something I think that you and your wife sound like such lovely people. I know that any dog would be lucky to find his/her forever home with you. Good for you for seeking to adopt. (and I have my fingers crossed for your job search).

Well afternoon and back to Grieving for pets. One chapter of the book talks of the benefits of pets, such as lowering blood pressure, cholesterol, certainly increased physical exercise, stress relief, social interaction ... Pets teach us responsibility as we teach pets, our Lulu was great at the nursing home. She would bring a toy in her mouth and several residents asked to pet her, and even see them in their rooms as I brought her to visit my dad who spent the last part of 2011 in a home. One exercise I liked in the chapter was: What is your favorite non-fiction animal story? What makes it your favorite? I chose 'The Littlest Hobo' and the original series. Below is an episode from 1963 for nostalgia. I think they redid the program in the 1970s or 1980s. The German Shepherd int he series travels the country and stops for a short time to help people. Each episode has her walking down the highway and for a short time a person or family is helped by this dog. When the people around the littlest hobo are helped and they thank the dog, he leaves to go on to another town and to help someone else.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzYJBoDq6jw

I forgot to update on job looking. I have an email to Mark about the interviews with the school. I haven't heard anything. So I don't stand still. I have a guy that suggested lunch in Port Huron on Saturday. I went to look at his website and he has updated it last year. So if he is serious about hiring soon, I would be interested, if the school job doesn't materialize. Also another lady is interested in the work I was doing last year that ended a month and a half ago. So that is good news. I do get these through LinkedIn though I met these people before I LinkedIn with them.

We have a guest in our spare bedroom. Our neighbors are in the air right now having left Phoenix for Oahu right now. Must be nice. The guest is their cat Kitty Boy. Our two cats are very curious. Moo opened the door a crack, though Kitty Boy is staying under the bed.

This may just help the moral of all of us for the next two weeks. I still have to go over there every other day to take care of their hermit crabs.

Oh, well have to get the mail, and it is sleet raining, ugh, so I will drive out to the mailboxes.

Glad you are standing still and are actively pursuing all possibilities. That's what you have to do unfortunately.
Also have you looked at larger companies who usually will have a web department? That might be a possiblity. Telecom, Manufacturing, etc. Just ideas to throw into the wind.
I think pets are awesome for ones health and stability.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Hi Bob and Moo

Just checking in to see how you are all doing, keeping busy on the job hunt I see. You are right, no good standing still and waiting! Good things come to those who go looking :D:D I am in your cheer squad willing the right job to land in your lap soon. I love reading about your walks too, it sounds so peaceful and we can all do with a bit of that. I hope Kitty Boo is out from under the bed soon!!

Trish xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Trish,

Yes, the schools are closed today with a snow day, but unless they have put the director position on hold, which is possible with this sequester thing in Washington D.C. then I haven't had an interview scheduled and they need to get those going by the end of this week for sure.

But I am meeting in the same town a guy I met with three years ago about a software job in security, so I am looking forward to meeting him. I hope he is serious.

At the same time, I wish the school district was serious, as they have some problems I was told about that are easy to fix, but the present director has not fixed them. There is that thing called politics, so what else is new.

I do know the name of the human resource director. I am thinking of sending him an email tomorrow. May not do any good, but I can't think that it would do any harm, because if I'm not going to be interviewed no harm done. The h.r. person is new, only been there a year.

Well will try more grieving exercises. The hardest part getting by is the quiet in the home and car. She was with us (Lulu) a lot. We haven't had a long vacation since 2006. And that was the last time she even spent time in a kennel. We were lucky to be able to either have someone stay at home or a neighbor come over when we were gone, and it was never more than four nights.

Maybe when the pay checks start rolling in you and Moo can start to plan a wee trip away, or a nice long holiday :D Having something to look forward to would help I think. Where would you like to go?

Hi Trish,

A trip might help. I sure could use one. I can't believe how a dog can have such an effect, but as Moo said she wasn't a dog, she was a people! And I have to laugh, she was!

Trish...that is a great idea. I don't know where Bob would like to go, but ( would like to go to West Branch Michigan. We have gone there for the last 6 or so years for our Anniversary. We always took Lulu with us. She loved to stay in a Motel. We could not aford to go this year, and we had just lost Lulu. So I would like to go there and remember our baby jumping from Bed to bed and walking in the woods...just one more time.

But you can rest assured, if the checks start to roll in, we will have a new baby in no time. I can not live with out a dog...it is too hard. Maybe the pain would be less, with a new baby....Stella, is waiting for us to find her :)
Love,
Moo

Haven't read much more in the Grieving book, I know the section I want to read next. Late breakfast meeting with another potential employer went good. He doesn't have anything full at the moment, though he said he may be able to start me with something soon. I don't know whether to be relieved, but I do keep looking. The techie stuff he does is good. There are some issues. He did ask if I would be interested in going to Las Vegas to a trade show in April that he goes to? I said I don't thin that would be a problem. But my dilemma is I am thinking he won't be able to pay enough, and that is the criteria for me 'Enough' .

Well I will return later with more on the grieving book.

Enough is kind of important. Enough to get by, enough to find Stella or allow her to find you, enough to not worry, etc, etc, etc. :)

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Thanks Sharlene, so I will have two posts now. This one on the job front. I am not going to dwell on the Saturday lunch meeting. I will occasionally send out an email to Joe, the guy I saw. The reason being he has led me on for three years about a possible job, and I think the statue of belief is a bit long in this case. You can't expect someone to wait on you that long. That plus the first thing Joe said was how much he was paying his Indian programmer, it was $2/hour.

On the school job, all I can say is that it is re-listed as they didn't care for the four they interviewed. I am going to re-apply and try to convince them that I am managerial and can improve and I would by taking college courses in the evening to be better. I will have to work on this to at least get an interview. I'm not sure how to proceed, but will think on it. The new deadline is in two weeks. And that is all I should say as I probably found out more than I should have about this from my sources.

I had to wait a bit, the post enforcer doesn't like me to be too quick. On grieving now. I thought as I walked this morning thinking of Lulu, how it would have been for Lulu had I passed and left her. She would have been devastated I'm sure as well as our cats Nellie and Molly. Nellie has become like my interim dog now, as she brings her snake everywhere. She has adopted our last cat's cloth snake toy and she brings it to us at night and downstairs during the day. She brings it close to where I am, if that be the living room or the family room or even the basement.

Now what I read on grieving the first part of guilt. I will report on the second part perhaps tomorrow. Some irrational thoughts on guilt are I should have done this or could have, and of course that doesn't matter now. But I have thoughts that better preventive care or more aggressive and attentive therapy may have prolonged Lulu's life. But it's easy to analyze 9-11 after it happened and say what we could have done before hand. I am happy that Lulu had over two years of quality life after she was officially diagnosed with Cushing's Disease.

I am happy that I got to document her life here and provide a written history and fortunate that this site has that as a record. This is useful information for future dog owners and hopefully as treatment gets better for all animals and people will benefit tomorrow as we have benefited today.

I could say that our economic situation may have been a hindrance but we did have help with the vet bills and a friend paid the testing and expenses at the vet the last year. So Lulu had the best of care and I feel the quality of life was good.

Not only that she was happy in spirit if not body right to the end, with a ride in her favorite truck and went fairly peacefully with the people she love.

Will continue with part II of grief tomorrow.

Have a great night! I might watch a movie or tv show tonight. I do feel a bit better on the job fight, and though I still might not get the director job I am going to give it the old college try.

I meant to post this too, but we got a card from my step-dad adn step-mom today and they sent us 100 dollars for another dog. That was nice of them. They said they would try to send more too. They didn't have to do that, but I guess we will have to get Stella soon. I hope Lulu will approve. I know my Susie, Barry and Joey approved of Lulu so I believe she would.

$2. an hour, that isn't worth the work you'd have to put in. I'm sure there has to be something else out there.
Drat on that Director job. :( I can see where they might Want mangerial experience, but if you're willing to take night courses, then maybe they would be willing to give you a chance.

That is sweet of your stepdad and stepmom. I'm sure they know how much Lulu meant to you and Moo and just want you to be happy. Stella will come, when Stella comes, you know how it is. :)

Hang in there!
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Well he is willing to pay more, but he does say he has to pay less now though he could pay more or bonuses. But when someone mentions outsourced programmers, I remember trying to help someone who got his software from overseas, it was a disaster. I wouldn't touch it, because it was scattered everywhere on his hard drive. But I don't hold much luck for his lawsuit he has on a patent. He told me about it, and it had to do with using MAC addresses for his cameras, but I don't see how that can be patented. That is a logical way to identify computer components other than using the local IP addresses of a device. My dad got involved with lawsuits and it was a very tough battle, and I had another boss that had litigation. They both lost, whether they were right or wrong. I didn't tell Joe about those cases, I just know enough to be realistic.

On guilt (Part II). It's normal to think what if I had done this, or I should have done this. Guilt is a big part of grieving for a pet. You know I think back to times walking and when Lulu was with me, which was 95% of the time I walked. I always would say I am older now when I last thought that I was also older, but I still felt very alive as did Lulu. Though as she was slowing down she didn't run as fast. I missed that, but accepted it. You know we are never ready to let go. We would lover our pets to live to be 30 years old. But to what if; we could do that to no end. Perhaps our pets would live another six months, maybe longer, but we don't know and I know I gave our Lulu the longest life 99% of us could. And in the case we did make a mistake or an accident happened to a pet of ours, we know that we are human and we aren't perfect. That has to go a long ways in the grieving process.

Well I have one more part to this part, so stay tuned ...

Part III (Guilt) Remember Me

Remember me with smiles and laughter,
For that's the way I'll remember you all.
If you can only remember me with tears,
Then don't remember me at all.
~ Michael Landon

That says it all. And with Lulu, I remember her on a trip with the family, Moo & me, she grabs her green stuffed bone toy, or her blue cow toy or a handful of other toys. The truck had a minimum of three dog toys at all times. All it took was me cleaning my glasses, putting my ring on and she knew we were on a road trip. I remember her yellow pig, purchased in Menomee, Wisconsin and there is a picture in her album at the motel that evening. We bought it at Walmart.

The time I walked behind the house in the neighbor's woods, and I waited a few minutes, she came in that woods, she knew where I was, even though she hadn't seen me, and they say animals aren't smart!

Up until a year ago, Lulu would gallop to catch up to me on a walk, but as soon as she came within three feet she always sped up so as to pass me before slowing down.

The walks we had at our motel room in West Branch, Michigan that she enjoyed being at with us.

Those evenings I filled in at Adult Education in Port Huron in the evening, Moo said that Lulu would go upstairs get on the bed and look out the window down the driveway and look for me.

Moo talk Lulu to kiss. Ask Lulu to give you a kiss and she would give you a quick nip at you nose.
Many other days of happiness, some 3500 days plus of pure happiness with our Lulu!

At dawn this morning I started to dream. In my dream I walked over to the upstairs office window, that over looks the pond. I pulled back the curtain, and there running with all of her might was a beautiful, healthy, strong Lulu.I have not dreamed about her since she got her wings. It shocked me awake, then I heard her bark. I started to cry because I realized that she had chosen to enter my dreams on the 1 month anniversary of her passing. We lost her 4 weeks ago today. It has been the longest month of my life. I feel so blessed to have seen her one more time and to hear her strong bark. What a blessing. I miss her as much today, as I did on the day she left. But now, I know she is happy and healthy and strong once again. Running around God's pond and waithing for me.
Love, Moo

That's great. It seems that time has in some ways passed by at an amazing rate and in other ways has just dragged on and on. I can never decide. :(
Dreams are a good thing. I know that!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Oh Bob and Moo, thanks for sharing these precious memories and your dream. They warm my heart and bring tears to my eyes, too. No king nor queen could be richer than are you two, spending those wonderful moments of life-well-lived with your princess.

Many, many, many hugs coming your way,
Marianne

HI you two!! Yes, I am reading along too, I love your stories and the way you write, it often leaves a tear in my eye. Ohhhh Moo, it must have been bittersweet to wake up after your girl visited you!! What a sweetie that Lulu is! Hope she comes calling again soon :):)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Still hanging in there, will add more to grieving book too. I got a bit of laryngitis the last couple of days, better today, but after being up a couple of hours my voice still struggles to talk. I need to make a phone call or two but will be sure the voice is okay first, and keep it short. I am avoiding dairy products, even drinking my coffee black.

I have a new job possibility and that is the reason for the one call, it is also in Port Huron, and I haven't heard and I should soon. I want to keep some pressure on them so that they want to hire me. It's a small outfit, and right up my alley.

crossing fingers! Hope you get the job

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Howdy all, and still job looking, though doing a bit on web design at home, keeping up with some old clients. A phone interview tomorrow, though I the place the job is at may be a company I have tried at before. But at least it won't cost any gas money. You have to stay optimistic.

On grieving, this is short, and has to do with children. When your child is real young they may not understand death, but let them be part of the process. Don't hide it. Now when Lulu was ill, our cats, especially Nellie was nearby most of the time. And both cats were aware of Lulu's passing. And I could tell they have both been affected. That is why, the time is right for a new dog for us, but will have to wait until 1.) we got the right dog for us & 2) we can take care of the dog, financially as well as emotionally.

One final point, if you do have a ceremony and bury a pet, let your children and other pets, (that is if they do go outside be part of the ceremony).

Well that is it on this part, of the grieving. I sort of put this into my own words. And really you know your children and other pets. You do have to be cognizance of their reactions and feelings. Have a great evening and night!

Hi Bob and Moo - fingers still crossed on the job front, especially now we know that will bring Stella into the family :) Hope you two and the kitties are doing well :)
Trish

Just a quick note, still think of Lulu on my walks. We are going to Lewiston, Michigan this morning a 3 1/2 hour drive, though weather is good, a bit windy so will probalby take 4 hours. We sold my late dad's Mercury to a friend, so she needs it and finished chemo. So Moo is driving the Mercury up while I drive the truck. We will have lunch with Judi, who we haven't seen since we were up there two years ago, with Lulu of course.

Oh, we are dog sitting for our son's girlfriend's mom's dog. She is a small, but overweight 14 year old. Wow! Well I am hoping that she brings a bit of sparkle to our two cats.

More later, but wanted to get on and chat. Still job hunting, but I am volunteering for Romeo, Michigan 175th anniversary, they loved my pictures on Facebook, and I met yesterday, took more pictures and showed them a couple of video slide shows I did for a class reunion and my dad's memorial. So they are gung ho for a few short video slide presentations. So I will be busy, and I am thinking very good networking. I am sure there will be lots of people there, and it can and often brings in the local tv (Detroit) media people. ;-)

Have a good trip. Sounds like a good way to spend a day to me. :) The volunteer project sounds exciting. Hopefully it can lead to something else. :)

Hugs to you and Moo,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Thanks Molly, we had a great, but if short time. But visiting, having lunch and then the drive back together was worth it. We stopped in West Branch, Michigan where we spent our last few anniversaries at with our beloved Lulu, and I think that was therapeutic. We can return, knowing that we have visited with Lulu with us in spirit. The next time it will be with our new dog when we get her, Stella of course!

Well, tired and retiring for the evening.

Labdad,
as kids, we took it upon ourselves to have a "fun-funeral" even for hamsters etc. My parents weren't involved that I can remember.

I just assumed that all kids did this :)

Good luck with the job hunt! I'm in the same boat.

Our house guest has arrive. Click on the 2013 album. Daisy is a 14 year old miniature dog, staying with us until Sunday.