Beloved Zoe

[addy]

Darling, I cant write this now. You know Mama, all fo a sudden the words will spill out and not stop. I will be back to write to you. I though perhaps I should put the first chapter of our book here but now it seems inadequate. For now, my darling, kisses to our head, holding you to my chest, feel me breathe in and out and then run, my darlling Zoe, and go to my Dad. He will love you until we meet again. He has listened to my prayers for you so many times. I will scatter your ashes on his grave on your birthday. Then I know I can always go where you will be together. He is a great Dad you will love him.

[Budsters Mom]

Sweet Zoe,

We love you because of the wonderful gift your Mom shared with us. That gift was your life and adventures. It always made me smile when dinner time came because of "skip, hop, bark". I loved that! I can just picture you "skip, hop, barking" ALL the time! Xxxxxx

[apollo6]

Dear Zoe
You were a princess, a fighter, a leader. We loved you for your courage, mischievous anti tics, your courage, your role model. Just for being you. Sweet Angel watch over your Mom.
Love and
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Dear Addy take the time to grieve and rest and when you are ready you will write.

[addy]

Kitchen was awfully quiet tonight, sweet girl. Koko did ok without you. I know you are watching out for him. We bought him a new squeaky ball but he cant fit it in his mouth. It is the same ball you chewed up three times on him so not sure what is up with that.

Love you more if that is even possible. Thank you for all you have given me Zoe. You blessed me with so very much.


When I am gone, do not cry and shed wild tears but carry on in my name

I will always honor your memory my darling Zoe. Never to be forsaken.

[addy]

Darling,

I found these snippets on my work computer going through all your health files. All the pain of those early days when they told us you had Cushings. I write them here now so I remember that too and then I will write the rest when I can. Dearest Love of My Life.

So many stories to tell, my love, so many good stories to tell. But maybe we have to start with the bad to work to the good.

I call “Hi, how are you!” and wave my hand. Zoe starts barking, scanning the street. One ear goes back, a quizzical look on her face. We walk a few more steps and I try it again. She gives the same response.

Now I yell “Hi, how are you” and then click and give her chicken before she barks. We practice the rest of the way home. I start yelling “Hi, how are you?” in the house. She seems confused and runs to the front door.

Today we go for our walk. I yell ‘Hi, how are you” and she turns to me and sits, eyes soft, no bark. I click and give her chicken. She knows now she doesn’t need to be worried. “Hi, how are you” = chicken. I laugh and laugh and we head for home.

__

The most beautiful dog I ever saw- the joy has been sucked out of me. My beautiful, smart, little dog with so many problems may now have Cushing’s disease. The world is dark, I can’t even go into the pet store. I cry all the time and then make myself smile as I near the house. She musn’t know my pain. But, of course she will know something is wrong no matter how hard I try to hide it.
The most beautiful dog I ever saw, Zoe, I can’t bear the thought of losing her.

--

I put Cushings in the drawer or the box. I tell it loudly “Get in the box now!” I have not cried for two days. Zoe seems more playful. I hope I am able to keep Cushings in the box!

-----
I didn’t know I held my breath when she poops, but I did. She looks up at me with a worried look on her face. Now I plant a smile on my face and breathe. If it is bad, I tell her, well, now, that’s not so bad, good job. If it is good I smile and tell her good job.
Breathe in, breathe out, I must remember to breathe.

------
Anticipatory grief. I did not know it had a name. I am not crazy, just grieving over a beloved family member, my Zoe . I fear the future and what it will bring. Guilt over the past, is it my fault she has this disease? Live in the now? How? I was supposed to write a book. I only finished chapter one. It was to be about a woman and her love for a little dog from Animal Control, written in a warm, witty style. Will it now be of our journey together and how it relates to her disease? Zoe, my Zoe, oh, how I love my Zoe. How do I write your story now?

___
I remember the night Zoe learned “rest”. I did not know what to call the behavior and it morphed into more than what I initially thought it would be. We tried our hand at free shaping. I sat on the floor with my pile of chicken and waited for her to throw out a fun behavior. Those big, black rimmed eyes looked at me and I swear she had a grin on her face. Always that quizzical yet comical glint in her eye that not many people were privileged to see. Finally she nodded, touching her chin to the floor. “YES!” I excitedly cried and clicked and gave her chicken. Then I waited. She looked at me for a brief moment and did it again. A click and more chicken were her reward. I saw the light go on in her eyes. She is always too smart.

------

So much to say, where do I start? I can’t start, tears flow and my throat freezes up. I can’t talk about her. When will I be able to ? When it is too late? So many stories, so many memories, my Zoe. Why do I love you so?

-----

It was -16 degrees the day hope died. The arctic cold had settled in and did not want to leave. The weather stayed dismal with no end in sight. The world was gray and dark, cold beyond belief and no matter how hard I tried I could not remember how to gather roses or what they even looked like.
Everything was in slow motion; bursts of energy “I will fix it” would dissolve into a slow emptiness, as if I were standing still. I was moving, breathing, doing what needed to be done but my world barely moved, she barely moved. The slower Zoe got, the slower the world became.
Koko started to change as well. He became quiet, trying to comfort her, lying near her when he could. I saw it in his face first though I tried so hard not to recognize it. Koko knew before I did that hope died.
Fear, anger, denial, acceptance.
The day hope died it was -16 degrees and there was only one end in sight.
I love you Zoe.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
This is so beautifully written from the heart. When the time is right keep these posts to write in your book. I started to write about 3 pages and have still not restarted. We need to keep them remembered somehow. Sweet Zoe, we all miss you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

Everything you are going through is real.

[addy]

My darling little girl, I let your candle burn out and cried so hard when I saw it was not lit.

I tried to soak my arm in the bath tub last night and I remembered how you would come in and bark at me while I was taking a bath and then roll on the towel. You always tried to pull the wet towel from me when I dried my hair. It had been a while since you could do that.
I realized that last night.

Koko has his Kong again. He needed the stimulation and he does not chew and rip and get his jaw stuck in it like some little girls I know:)
Oh Zoe. I am glad you are no longer in pain. I know you fought and fought to stay with us. You loved it here from the very first day. How happy you were when we brought you home. You ran from roon to room, jumping on the bed, the sofa with that Zoe look twinkling in your eyes, too impish to be called Chloe so I named you Zoe.

The most beautiful little girl I had ever seen so full of life and so happy to out of jail and rescued from that terrible situation.

I love you so much and will hold you in my heart forever and a day. No one can ever take your place. The bond was so deep and true.

I dont know why God took you that Friday. I guess he decided you needed to rest and stop fighting.

I love you Zoe

[gatorgirl_bama]

Addy,
I cry with you for Zoe and for the heartache you are feeling now.

Donna

[apollo6]

How beautiful. Let the feelings out. It will be a tough time for you.
Love Always
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Darling Zoe, Daddy and I talk about you all the time. We found pictures of you and Chewy underneath the Christmas tree, years ago before Koko came to live with us. We smiled so at the images of our happy, healthy dog.

Zoe, I cried so many tears over you. For two years, I wrote about your poop every day. In between those tears you brought me such happiness and joy. I miss you so. I miss you bossing me around, telling me what to do, I miss burying my face in your fur, I miss your smell, I miss your snoring, I miss chicken walks and face at the door.
I even miss you trying to bite me.

Koko is mising you as well. Daddy too. The house is so quiet without you telling us what to do. We are all so heartbroken.

We all love you baby girl. Tell Dad to give you extra hugs today from all of us.

[apollo6]

Thinking about you,your family and Zoe.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Hi Baby Girl,

Had to stop here to tell you I love you. Cant seem to not come here. I'm glad, my Zozo, that I can look at your pictures and smile. Oh to hold you one more time in my arms and smell you. Daddy and I try to distract ourselves. Koko is sad though he does try but he has a really hard time with supper. We both do. How could such a little dog fulfill so much of our lives? Darling Zoe, Mama loves you forever and a day.

I hope you are having a good time bossing Dad around. I know he loves you already. I hoped you would visit me one more time but I am grateful you came last week darling.

Zoe dear, Mama's here and always will be.

[addy]

Once in a lifetime, someone special comes along and your whole life changes in an instant. Your love knows no bounds and is endless. Your devotion is absolute; your loyalty can never be questioned. The bond is made in 30 seconds and only strengthens by each passing day. Happiness and joy fills your heart until it feels like it will burst. The love is unconditional, simple and pure, never questioned.

You were that love, my Zoe.

I will never forget you and I will love you until the end of time.

[Bailey's Mom]

Addy, you fully opened your heart so you could fully experience the love and joy that Zoe brought to you. The "down side" to doing that is the pain you are feeling now. You feel things intensely, as do I. Good feelings and bad feelings. Our center runs very deep. What you feel for Zoe will always be in your heart. You will always be able to call it up. You will always be able to bring up the warm feelings, the smiles, the giggles, even the tears. It is because you loved her so very much that it hurts so very much. You "let yourself fall completely in love" with her. It is all very pure and very beautiful. And I believe you will be reunited with her at some point. I truly do. So be sure to keep some chicken on hand.

It indeed is a very special love and how wonderful and how lucky for you that you were the one who came into her life. It was meant to be and you honored her and that relationship until the very end and even after. You both are very lucky ladies.

Love,
Sus

[apollo6]

Beautifully said. From the heart.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Arizona Boston]

Sweet Zoe. Run happy and free now. You were a wonderful girl to bring your family so much joy.

[addy]

Darling Zoe, please forgive mama and all her tears. I so want to remember you, my fiesty baby girl who was larger than life itself and endured so much and not cry tears of a broken heart. Your life needs to be celebrated. But the kitchen is so quiet , baby girl and the whole in my heart is so large. I talk about you every day. I remember every little thing you did. You were my life, you were my everything.

I love you so and always will. I wish so much I had been here so I would have known what really happened. I think it is the hardest part, not knowing for sure what happened that horrible morning.

Zoe, my Zoe, how I love you.

[apollo6]

thinking of you and Zoe. Keeping you in my heart.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Bailey's Mom]

Oh Zoe. You left such a large paw print. Mom's having a rough go of it. You knew you would be greatly missed. The yucky weather is no help. We need some birds singing and some flowers blooming and some warm sun shining. Bailey says "woof" and I send a big belly rub and a pat for your noggin'. I am so glad you are well and whole once again.
Love,
Sus

[addy]

Stopping by to tell you how much I love you darling. Darling, please forgive me. I feel that I should have not left you at ER. My head told me you needed to stay there to have a chance but my heart screamed to bring you home.

It does not matter what anyone tells me, my heart still aches from that so. Zoe, I even told the doctor I did not think I should leave you there. Im sorry at the end I failed you my love.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
You did the best you could for Zoe. We love our babies so much,that no matter what happens we feel guilt. I know only to well. I am still dealing with it. Try to focus on how you helped Zoe,how she loved you how you did not give up,how you fought a brave battle for her.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((hugs)))))))

[addy]

Thank you Sonja. My head tells me that but my heart does not. They could not even tell me what was happening to her for sure at ER. They thought she threw multiple blood clots, one to her brain, one to her lungs. I knew something was happening to her since Thanksgiving. But no one could find anything wrong. I have to think it was something in her head because everything was always normal but she was not normal at all. It is why I kept saying I dont know what it is I am fighting, it was more than just her leg.

I'm in the guilt stage of grief now.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
You are probably right. I went through the same with Apollo, for months I kept asking about his stomach/intestinal gurgling and knew something was wrong. Then he started losing weight. I feel the cocktail combination of the ivermectin than changing him to high dosage of advantage(I should never have put him on it) also Solxine for thyroid? destroyed his intestines. A month later taking an ultra sound showing lesions through out his intestines indicating maybe cancer, just like you worried for Zoe? A month before his intestines were fine.
Like Zoe taking him off the Trilostane to increase the cortisone to try to fight other issues was to much. Zoe is not the only one who had such issues. Long term effect of taking these medicines than adding other medicines. The what ifs , the only, should have, would have, could have. We beat ourselves up over it. We try to plug one illness, than another one pops up. We need someone to say you did the best you could. Remember Zoe had a few more years because you tried so hard for her. And along the way there were moments of joy and triumph, even if it was fleeting. Zoe rallied one more time for you at the end. She was and is an amazing little girl. Remember she will always be in your heart and soul. Know that you can come here and we will hold , support you, love you through this grief. You do not have to do this alone. I know only to well. Family does not always give us the support we need, nor the time we need. They feel uncomfortable with it and want your grief to go away,so like me , you take charge of everything again, when you have the right to feel the way you do.
Love Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Bailey's Mom]

Addy, why is it when we can plainly see that we are moving, almost clock-like, right through the stages of grief as we are familiar with them, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with them? If you remember, I want Palmer's last 4-5 day hospital stay back and he should have been at home. I kept telling Ryan...come...no, don't come, he's better.....no you'd better come......and on and on until Ryan finally announced he was coming. Period. It was the right thing to do. We make the best decisions we can make with the information we have at hand. We are fraught with emotion and fear of losing our very, very special loved one. We would do anything and everything for them. We want that they do not suffer but usually there are one or more huge unknowns. There are indicators that give us clues but not answers. Try as we might. Try as hard as we do. Test after test. We cannot get to the core of the problem with certainty. The vets aren't as knowledgeable as we'd like. They often are learning along with us when it comes to Cushings. It is not a black and white situation. It is a very gray situation. At some point their poor little bodies just can't take any more and we finally recognize that and realize we must help them make the transition. They have fought with every ounce of their being trying to stay with us, trying to get better, but the fight cannot continue. And we owe it to them to end their suffering, with love. In no way did you fail her. She knows that. We don't get "do-overs" in life. Instead think of all the right things you did. All of the records you kept. All of the yelling you did on her behalf. All of the knowing not to make more than one change at a time. Making notes so you could look back and remember that you had tried something before and it had not worked....or you had tried something else and it had worked. Think of how you thought to take Koko in to say goodbye. WHO thinks of that?? How you raced home and didn't get a ticket so you could be there as soon as you heard she was more sick. Zoe knows. Zoe feels your love.
This is just hard. Very hard. And that is normal. Sad but normal. You are not alone. I care deeply. I'm still sitting up here. :)
Love,
Sus

[addy]

crying words of thank you Sonja and Susan

[gatorgirl_bama]

Thinking about you...

Donna

[addy]

Darling Baby Girl,

Not a day goes by without me thinking of you or talking about you. Today at lunch time, I found such a nice picture of you and Grammy. I could not stop smiling at the two you. How time changes things my Zoe.

Daddy took your hamburger from Kokomo. I think it hurt Daddy to see him with it so he hid it again. Koko doesn't seem to mind.

Your birthday is right around the corner but the weather is still so bad, darling, I dont know if we can scatter your ashes. I feel like I need to keep you here anyway. I'm not ready to do it, Zoe.

I love you Zozo, always in my heart. I will never forget my best little girl. We miss you so very much, it does not get any easier with time, no matter how hard we try.

i love you so.

[apollo6]

my dear sweet Addy
everything you are going through is normal. Hold on as long as you need to. You will know when the time is right to let Zoe go. This grief is all to fresh for you to take any action. I am glad you think about sweet Zoe each day.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo
It is to new this grief for you to take any action until you are ready.
Be gentle with yourself. And hubby to.

[addy]

Thank you for the glorious rainbow, my darling.

What a gift Zoe, God gave me when he brought are paths together. You gave me so much.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Zoe-I just wanted to let you know we're thinking about you and we miss you.
Love,
Susan & Bailey

[apollo6]

Think about you Zoe and your mommy. Miss you little girl.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

April 17th, 2007 I walked out of Southridge Mall carrying you in my arms. Amy had brought you to her rescue center from animal control. You had been transformed from the dirty, stressed out dog to the most beautiful, happy dog I had ever seen. I remembered yesterday how stressed you were at Animal Control and started to wonder if the breathing problems you were havng at the ER were exasperated from you being so stressed out.

My sweet little girl, I will never have the answers as to waht happned to you at the end of our journey so it feels like I will never have closure.

I do know I love you so very much and you will always be in my heart and soul. I knew I would struggle terribly as your "birthday" approached. I did not realize it would start a week before.

I miss everything about you. I especially miss your courage and spunk. If only I had an ounce of your courage and spunk, my darling.

I love you.

My darling,

[apollo6]

Big hugs! Zoe was one of a kind,so beautiful,so courageous,so full of joy. Watch over your Mom.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

My darling Zoe,

I just needed to talk to you. We talk about you still, every day; remember this, remember that? Daddy and I do a lot of that. I miss how you would raid the laundry basket. I miss how you would try to pull the towel off my head when I washed my hair. I miss you bossing me around and always being so happy. Baby girl, you were so full of life and fought for so long. I miss our chicken walks. I miss how you would look at me with your beautiful eyes. I miss your smell. I miss you guarding the house and chasing people out if you thought they were not acceptable. I miss you playing with Koko. I miss cudlles on the bed all night, while you pushed Daddy to the edge so you could sleep in the middle of us all stretched out. I miss sharing my oatmeal bowl with you. I miss your face at the door most of all when I come home.

I guess I miss everything about our life together. Your shoes are too big to fill. Koko is his own dog and you did teach him well but he is so sweet and joyful and kind. Daddy said you were a lot like me. You went full steam ahead with all your heart in everything you did.

I love you Zoe, always did and always will.

mama

[apollo6]

Beautifully reading. Hugs
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[labblab]

Dear Addy, thinking of you today, and of precious Zoe. I cannot contain my own tears upon reading about the little face at the door. The one you shall not see again. I wish I could think of something grand to say that could ease that pain. But there is nothing that can fill that emptiness. I know there is nothing that can be said nor done.

For some reason today, I am especially missing faces from my own life. And so I am crying for myself, and dear Addy, I am crying for you. Oh, to be able to see those sweet faces one more time. Not just in our memories -- if only it could be more than just our memories today.

From across the miles, holding you close to my heart.
Marianne

[addy]

Thank you Marianne, sending hugs back to you

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Addy,
In Buddy's case it was missing him sitting in the window watching for me to come home. He was always there waiting for me. Now, the window remains empty. It's odd, but I still drive up and stare at that empty window. I get it Addy. Our lives revolved around our previous babies.

I know how much you miss Zoe. I am glad that you have your sweet boy with you.

Love an hugs,
Kathy

[addy]

Oh that they do, our lives are everything puppy.


Zoe darling, on the eve of your special day I want you to know I celebrate you as never before. I rejoice in our life together, as short as it was; we packed a lot into it, Baby Girl.

Tonight and tomorrow, my heart is strong and my memory filled of days long gone by; of happy, strong dogs, playing jump or the tennis ball game or hide and seek or remembering every Sunday was Zoe Day. I watch your videos and even posted two to Youtube. Are you not amazed at mama? Daddy asks, what are you doing as I replay video after video and reread your story so I will never forget. Not that I could forget you but these things will help to make sure your memory never fades my darling.

We took Koko to Sendick's. He loved sitting in the parking lot watching people just like you loved doing and I do things with your brother now and say "and this I did with Zoe so I shall also do with Koko in honor of her memory".

Fly free my darling just like all the birds on your tree. Soar high and watch over all of us. I know you and Dad will always be there waiting for me. Odd how your birthdays are just two days apart. Certainly, that is a God thing.

I love you Zoe.

[addy]

Happy Birthday Darling. We love you forever.

[Budsters Mom]

Happy Burthday Zoe!! And a skip, hop and a bark to you! Xxxxxx

[apollo6]

Happy birthday, sweet beautiful Zoe. Apollo make sure you give Zoe a hug and birthday cake.
Love always Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Harley PoMMom]

Happy Birthday, sweet Zoe. Your loving memory lives on in our heart, always.

[Simba's Mom]

Happy Birthday Zoe, flying free on wings in Heaven....

[Spiceysmum]

Happy Birthday Zoe. x

[molly muffin]

Happy Birthday Zoe!

Never to be forgotten

love
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Trish]

Happy Birthday you skippering hopping gorgeous ball of fluff!! You have struck a chord with all of us who continue to follow your stories... Sending your Mom a big hug today (((ADDY))) xxxxx

[Bailey's Mom]

Happy belated birthday, Zoe. Arf, Arf!!
Hugs,
Sus

[addy]

Darling, look at all the birthday wishes. I am missing you very much tonight. My arms ache to hold you and bury my face in your sweet fur. Oh, to see your beautiful face one more time, my darling Zoe.

It has been two months since I lost you and the tears still fall with a lump in my throat.

I think perhaps I may have to not come here for awhile. Maybe it would be better, I dont know, Zoe. Sometimes the pain is overwhelming. I see your sweater hanging in the closet and I stop for a moment thinking you are coming home one day. Then reality sets in. But for that brief moment, you are alive in my mind, just for a second, the clock turns back.

Zoe, my Zoe - just know I love you, my little girl. My beautiful dog.

[Trish]

OMG 2 months, how can that be. It does not seem that long.

If you need a break sweet, you go for it. You know where we are, maybe some time without having to read sad stuff on here might help. Of course we will miss you, just promise to come back at some stage or send us a message to let us know you are OK!

BUT, it is FRIDAY!!!

[apollo6]

My dear Addy
I so understand what you posted. Being hear reminds you of the pain. So if you need to rest and take a break do so.
My sweet Addy and beautiful Zoe.
Hug Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Addy,
Reading the sadness is hard for me too. :o Grief still overwhelms me often and it's been almost 10 months since Buddy crossed over. If you think a break might help, please take that time. You will be dearly missed, but I understand. I miss hearing about Zoe too. There are so many things that always made me smile. A few favorites are potatoes at the bathroom door and hop skip and bark at meal times. Zoe will always live on in our hearts and memories. Xxxxxx

[molly muffin]

Just sending you some big hugs Addy.
As you have told others so many time.
I care.
love
Sharlene

[addy]

It is hard to come but it is her legacy and I also care about all of you and all of our pups.

[Budsters Mom]

Addy,

We love you, Zoe, Koko and hubby too. :p Yes, we are family, but sometimes family needs a break from each other. You would understand that if you had my family.;)

Love you lots!

[Bailey's Mom]

Addy,

I love you and am sitting atop your shoulder. I am holding your hand firmly. If you need to slip away for awhile, I will wait until you are ready to return. I know and understand your pain and your grief. It feels unfathomable. If you can picture that in your mind instead as a symbol of how powerful and deep the love you and Zoe had for one another was and is. Right now it is just very raw. You are walking through the very hardest part. There are no short cuts, unfortunately. You have so many angels here who love and support you. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Zoe would want that for you.

Love,
Sus

[Budsters Mom]

Thinking of you and sending love and (((((((hugs)))))))

[MBK]

Addy, I so understand about how sometimes it is so hard to come here. I feel the same way (as I sit here now in tears). I also feel that it is only here that people truly understand the loss we are feeling and understand that it is something we will never fully get over.

Sending you hugs.

[Bailey's Mom]

That's so true, Mary Beth.

Hugs,
Susan

[addy]

It is so true, MB. The other day we had a birthday party at work and I mentioned something in passing about Zoe. I rarely speak of her at work now so I could not believe how cold everyone got and quickly changed the subject almost as if she was taboo.:mad: It only drove home what I already knew - I have lost all respect for that company and need to move on.


So I know you will understand: after a weekend of battling a sudden appearance of ants in the house- which we get every few years when we have a super wet cool spring, I sat down finally last night to watch Masterpiece theatre. I love the Selfridge's mini series. All of a sudden Zoe's presence flooded the room. I turned to hubby and said "Zoe's here" Hi Zozo".

Zoe has not come to me in a long time but she came to say hi last night, no doubt in my mind.

Baby girl, love of my live, forever in my heart; you would be so proud of your brother now, he is such a good boy, even on his walks when he sees another dog. Daddy and I still talk about you every day, you are with us every single day in our memories and hearts so you will never, ever be forgotten. You have our love always.

[molly muffin]

Hi Zoe!

I have no doubt that if you felt her, then she was there. HUGS!

Whether they understand or not, human empathy says that one should be patient and understanding when those who have experienced a painful loss. grrrrrr
Eh, Karma will end up biting them on the tush one day.

love
Sharlene

[Robert]

Hi know exactly what you mean. I said in another post I feel like I have four dogs but only two are physically here. I feel tommy and Tammy around me all the time especially my tommy who left seven months ago. Still miss their physical presence tho.

[Trish]

I am glad you feel her close by, that's so nice.

I think your workmates are like that as I bet it just makes them feel very uncomfortable and they have their own hangups about death and grief they find hard to articulate. Speaking to someone who has gone through such a loss is very hard for some people and rightly or wrongly a coping mechanism many have is avoidance and unfortunately that sounds like the approach they took with you. I bet they feel for you Addy, but some people are just better than others at handling it and talking to others about it. Or else they are cold hard ba******* and you should get your tush outta there pronto!! :D:mad:

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Most people are so ignorant about the precious life of our babies. That is why we band together to validate, love,support each other and our fur balls. We are family,all over the world, small, big, young old, all breeds of dogs.
Don't discount feeling Zoe was there. Strange things have happened to me also. The lose never goes away. As a friend said to me " our babies are always here,because we keep them in hearts until the day we die. "
They leave an in-print on us forever.
Hugs and love Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Bailey's Mom]

Their ignorance is their loss. Their rudeness has no excuse. Do not let them live rent free in your head for one second. Don't let them bring you down nor let them change how you are. I'll take one of you against ten of them any day of the week and we'll climb mountains together. :)

Love,
Sus

[addy]

Darling Zoe, it felt so strange not to see your name on my card but I knew it was from you as well, no matter what. You came to visit last on a Sunday so I did feel you with me today. I brought out the beautiful card dearest Sonja made. Daddy and I set it in the living room on the table so we knew you were near.

Koko was a good boy during dinner but he is so quiet:):):)

Grammy came, she has not been here since you died. She misses you too, she loved you so much. Kate is home from college and got a 4 point grade average, Zoe your big sis is such a hard worker. Funny, when we first brought you home the 3 people you liked in the family were, Grammy, Kate and Uncle Jim, the rest you tried to bite. I always thought your first mom must have been an elderly woman with a son and granddaughter and that she must have died or had to move to a home and then you went to a really bad place until I found you.

Darling, I love you with all of my being forever and a day, for always.
ever and ever until the end of time. You will be my best little girl, my heart and soul, a part of me that will only die when I pass on to find you.

Good night sweet girl.

[Casey's Mom]

Addy - you are such a wonderful writer. I just read all of this in one fell swoop. I cried and laughed with you - the chicken walk. I always remember you talking about your chicken walks with Zoe and now know what you were talking about. :) Zoe was such a smart, beautiful dog and you were blessed to have each other. Hugs to you my friend :)

[apollo6]

I just love reading your posts. Such a great writer.
I can not believe it has been almost 3 months since our sweet Zoe has passed. Even though I never meet her, I still miss her and reading about her. Zoe watch over your Mom and Dad.
Love always Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

three months

Precious girl I loved you so
my face against the sweet smell of your fur and
the sound of your breath whilst you were sleeping

Little dog I laughed so hard
as you pulled the towel from my wet head or
waited patiently for chicken walks

Darling Zoe I miss you still
our life together, your love and mine
my heart to yours, two souls together

Forever, I remember… My Zoe

[addy]

Oh faithful friend sit by my side and dream of younger days
When white coat was thick and soft, not sparse and thin
Your eyes not fogged with age.

Oh faithful friend sit by my side and dream of younger days
When legs danced in circles, not stiff with pain
Your voice a whisper now.

Oh faithful friend lie with me now for just a few more days
Spring nears, rain falls, tears of sadness
As you slip, slip away

Oh faithful friend, my broken heart for all the coming days
Come to me in my dreams
Always now a memory

Oh faithful friend, my love
My Zoe

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Zoe. Hi Addy. Sleep tight. Cuddle. Spoon. Just be as one, at peace.
Love,
Sus

[addy]

Hi Baby Girl Zoe,

It is almost summer and I keep looking everywhere for you. You did come to visit again the other night. All of sudden your spirit flooded the room and I said "Oh, Hi Zozo" without even thinking until I realized you were not really physically there.

We are taking your brother patio dining today to Port Washington. remember how you loved to go there? Remember when they kicked us out of the patio because you barked at the server? And do your remember on Zoe days how we would go to Starbuck's patio with the clicker and chicken treats to practice so we could try patio dining again?

We try to do these same things with Koko, Zoe, in your memory, but it is just not the same. We take him to Sendicks to look at people like we did you and we take him for car rides and places to walk, just like we did every weekend for Zoe Day.

Darling, I don't think I will ever stop crying over you. I asked Daddy, how can someone miss a little dog so much?

Just wanted to come to tell you it is summer now and the long, cold winter is gone, washed away with the change of seasons, washed away by my tears over you.

I love you so very much Zoe and I miss you so very much every day.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Understand all to well,how much you miss sweet Zoe. She will always be in your heart and soul. Your writing is so beautiful and moving to read. The poem to Zoe was so moving.
Love,hugs Sonja and Apollo

[addy]

The yellow raincoat lay on the chair near the back door. I stopped for a moment, seeing it. It is so you, dear little one. I remember it was pouring the other morning, raining so hard, I brought it out to put on Koko. He hates coats, only one he will wear is his old ragged puppy coat, hardly fits him anymore.

I had thrown the raincoat on the chair after we came back inside, I just forgot to put it away. Tonight, there it was.

I sit now, with it clutched to my heart, holding it dear, as it was yours, Zoe. I smile, not cry, remembering.

Always in my heart.

love you so,
mama

[Bailey's Mom]

:):):):):):):):):)
:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::c ool:
Having read that, I have this large smile on my face.
Love,
Sus

[apollo6]

How beautiful.
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Darling Zoe,

We hit the 4 month mark, I had a few bad days and then I realized why. That I have now live for four months without you seems impossible.

We cleaned the pool today; your brother sitting on his lounge chair, watching. Daddy and I remembered how that first summer you fell in the pool in the shallow end. Daddy has the grill going and we keep looking at the back door, expecting to hear you bark. You always engaged us so much. We loved that about you.

Koko goes for his annual tommorrow night. Watch over your brother for me darling. Keep an eye out from heaven, ok? I'm alittle scared to take him in. I guess I am just gun shy now.

Love you more than words can say, little one. Miss you every single day.

[apollo6]

Beautifully said.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[paulawhitcomb]

You need to be strong!

[Trish]

She is!!! :D:D:):)

[Harley PoMMom]

She is!!! :D:D:):)

I second that, Trish ;)

Huge loving hugs to you, dear Addy.

[Bailey's Mom]

I second that, Trish ;)

Huge loving hugs to you, dear Addy.

Strong like bull!!:):D
Hugs and hand squeeze,
Love,
Sus

[addy]

Thanks guys, I feel the love.;)

"Strong like bull", ROLF Sus:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

All I keep thinking of this July 4th is the year Zoe ate an eight pack of hamburger buns and swelled up like a balloon:rolleyes::rolleyes:

We had left the house to pickup my Mom. OMG was Zoe sick after that. Hamburger buns not good for IBD!!!

That was my first summer here on the forum I think.

I also realized I think I have to give Zoe the credit for Koko being so well behaved. She trained him, more than I did. She always trained other dogs. I remember dogsitting my boss's pug. Bella was biting at the leash as I tried to leash her up to take her back home and just being naughty. Boy, did Zoe tell Bella off and Bella just stopped biting the leash, sat down and behaved.

LOL, Zoe girl. You ran the house.

Love you more than I can say.

[apollo6]

Zoe will always rule,now from heaven.
Sonja and Apollo

[addy]

Darling baby girl, I cant stop thinking about you today. You are on my mind and I am missing you so badly. Papa says we are so lucky to have shared our lives with you and so lucky to have the memories.

It still hurts thought, Zozo. To have loved you so deeply and so simply, how it could it not hurt losing you?

I think your brother's dental is a bit of a worry though I don't feel worried; it must be deep within me. I know you will watch over him for me. You taught him so well, Zoe. You should be so proud. He is such a good boy. Thank you darling, for that.

Mama loves her little girl, miss you so much, love you more.

[Budsters Mom]

Big hugs Addy. :p. They leave such huge holes in our hearts. With a love so pure, how can it be any other way? :o

Little Miss Zoe, I miss potatoes at the bathroom door and your adorable chicken walk. You mom is so proud of you little one. You were always so brave. Please send her a sign when you get a chance. She loves it when you stop by. Xxxxxx

[apollo6]

Love and hugs
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

That song from Les Miz keeps playing through my head only "he" is replaced with "she spent a summer by my side" and I remember back to that first summer when I had you on a long lead tied to my waist; I remember Zoe Day and long car rides and new places for you to discover. I remember Zoe's school, Zoe's park, everything was yours, my darling.

And now this summer, you are not by my side, nor filling my days with endless wonder. Today for some reason, is really hard and mama cant stop crying. Koko's birthday is in a few days and you are not here.

I miss you going argggg and rubbing the walls, making me laugh, I miss your head in my oatmeal bowl, I miss you waking me up at 5am, such a happy girl waiting to start her day. I miss your smell and Bark Fest, I just miss everything about you and our life together.

I came here today, my darling, to hold you close to my heart. Zoe, what happened at the end, I did not know any more tricks to pull out of the hat and I could not bear to keep seeing you suffer. My heart screamed that day not to leave you at the ER. For the rest of my life, I will regret that I did not follow my heart and bring you home to me. Mama is so sorry.

I love you, baby girl,

[Robert]

Zoe was lucky that she picked you as an owner. You went above and beyond and at the end gave her freedom from suffering. I know how hard it is but you did all you could.

[Budsters Mom]

No Robert, we were the blessed ones to have them in our lives.:p

Addy wasn't Zoe's owner. Zoe wasn't owned by anyone. She was her own little self. ;) Addy was Zoe's mom. They had each other, which was the true blessing.:)

[addy]

Darling, how could it be six months have passed without you by my side?

Your light made the sky bluer, the breeze softer, the wind warmer.Your light made me laugh, love - feel things so deeply. Life continues on, my precious, but that light that was blown out, means things are not quite as bright, nor as beautiful.

Life without you is just a bit harder, darling, not as bright, not as happy, not as complete.

I love you forever, will never forget you.

My darling Zoe. Thank you for sharing a bit of my life.

Always- forever
mom

[apollo6]

beautiful said.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

My darling Zoe,

Today I removed the very last of all things "Zoe" from the kitchen, replacing your 3 quilts with one of Koko's beds. Except for the gate and Koko's bed, the kitchen now looks like it did when you first came home and I am finding great comfort in that. It is not that I don't want to remember the bad times, it is just hard not to cry when I do. I want to celebrate your life, precious girl, as you did every single day.

Mama loves you Zozo. As I went through the house, cleaning up after all the months of neglect, I kept finding things of yours, stuck in a book, on a shelf. I put my heart and soul into loving you and trying to be the best mom I could. Thank you for putting up with all my mistakes.

Somehow, this frenzy of cleaning has helped cleanse me as well. It is easier now to picture you, running up and down the hall.

Only one face at the door now,
Only one head in the oatmeal bowl
Only one pup in the kitchen
Only one heart beating
Only one breath going in and out

Zoe always in my heart and soul, always in my memory
Only one pup now, only one pup.

I love you.

[Budsters Mom]

(((((((Hugs)))))))

[molly muffin]

Ditto HUGS!

love, sharlene

[apollo6]

Hugs
Sonja

[doxiesrock912]

Sonja, I am also having a very hard time missing Daisy Mae of late. In 8 days she will have turned 11 years old. I want to help another dog in need but wonder if it will be possible to love them as much as I do Daisy Mae?

Hugs.

[apollo6]

Celebrate her birthday with a candle. Each dog is different,each love is different.
Sonja

[addy]

Darling Zoe, remember when I taught you 'leave it"? I would tell you down and stay then put a piece of chicken between your paws and tell you to leave it. It was always so traumatic for you- you always had to turn your head sideways to not look at the chicken. I would laugh so hard at the look on your face and give in to you, telling you to "take it"


Your brother just did almost the same thing,not quite as cute and dramatic as you, but then you always had a flare for everything; my little girl with the big personality.

I just had to tell you what your brother did, Zozo. I love my sweet girl forever and always. Never forgotten, always loved.

[doxiesrock912]

Addy, that is so cute! Daisy reacted like I was torturing her when I asked her to lay down and stay. Sometimes she let out this long, drawn out sigh which was hilarious.

Like you, I see some similarities between Bella and Daisy. It's comforting, isn't it? Hugs,

[MBK]

Addy,

Loved reading your posts to, and about, Zoe. It is so hard to believe it has been over 6 months since we lost our beautiful girls. It is still hard and I know it always will be - they definitely took a piece of each of us with them.

Love hearing about Koko now, too. Our boys are special in their own rights! ;)

Sending hugs to you and Koko!

[apollo6]

Hugs to my sister warrior. Our sweet Zoe.
Sonja

[marie adams]

My dearest Sister Addy,

I sent you a message to let you know I'm here.....

Your stories and words are beautiful for your Miss Zoe.

Days turn into months which turn into years, and I still think about Miss Maddie. Of course, having Miss Ella reminds me of how much I miss my calm Maddie. Ella does help keep my mind busy training her and laughing at her antics. So enjoy Mr. Koko he will help you heal.

Hang in there my sister, it does get better, but it takes time......

((((((HUGS)))))))

[addy]

Hugs and heart to all of you. I have been down and out with a nasty respiratory bug which I thought was allergies, then sinus infection but it has seemed to now have settled in my chest and I cant stop coughing. It has been a long time since I have felt this bad and am eyeing up Zoe's bottle of prednisone as I think my asthma is making me wheeze.

Darling Zoe, Daddy and I were talking to day after another realtor came over to assess the house. I was feeling rather down and out because the house has not recouped as much of it's value as we had hoped. But it got Daddy and I to talking about our time spent living here.

When I first looked into the windows of this old, wreck of a home, I felt this uncanny sense of having been here before, perhaps in another life, I did not know, but I knew this house and I could feel a sense of needing to be here because I had been once before.

The first day we brought you home, you became so excited as we turned down our street and wound our way to this home. You cried and cried and you were so animated and excited after being so quiet.
You pranced in the front door and ran around the house in pure delight and it was from that first day as if you had always been here, had always lived here.

Daddy and I decided that we were meant to have met here, have our lives intertwined here, become one heart here.

And so we did, my little girl, the love of my life. So I cant regret my push to buy this rickety old place. Because if I had not, I would not have had you.

Love you more every day.

[apollo6]

So beautifully said.
Hugs Sonja

[marie adams]

My dearest Sister Addy,

You write so beautifully!:) It's from the heart and soul of life with your family. You bless us all with the warmth of "home"!:). I picture Miss Zoe running around checking everything out making sure "her home" was safe and hers!

Love you!! <3

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi, sweetheart-
Tomorrow is surgery day and I'm up at all hours trying to get things in order, as always.
I just caught up on this thread and want you to know your writings to Zoe warm my heart. It seems like way more than 6 months and yet how can it even be six months?
I've been thinking of Palmer lately-there must be something in the air....it seems many are thinking of loved ones that are gone.
I just wanted to send you a huge hug and touch base before I become an invalid again. Keep that pink bubble wrap handy!
Isn't it GREAT hearing from sister Marie Irene??!! :D:D:):):) I guess it is time to get out our sweaters. I have a new navy blue one that I like a lot.
Hugs to you and Koko......and remembering Miss Zoe. Get well soon!
Love,
Sus

[marie adams]

Good Morning Sister Addy,

Sending (((((HUGS))))) for the weekend! Time goes by faster than we realize sometimes-6 months, I remember by that time Miss Ella had come into our lives adding stress and missing Maddie more because there wasn't a calm dog around.

Even now at over 3 years I have moments like when my niece called Ella Maddie and it brought back a moment when I told her that one Christmas this would be the last time she saw Maddie. :(.

Your stories of Miss Zoe are such good memories and that is what keeps us going! Good Thoughts!:)

Maybe Mom can knit us all new sweaters while she is healing.....:o)

[Trish]

Put the doggy prednisone down girl :D:D:D so sorry to hear you have been sick Addy and hope you have turned the corner by now! I have not feeling too well myself but that may just be a reaction to going back to work after nearly 6 weeks off!! But popping in to wish you a Happy Friday and hope you have a nice weekend!! The tulips have been and gone, now the trees are getting all their leaves back and it is warming up... just not today as it is blowing a gale!! Not long till our Chicago test match!! Doesn't look like I am going to make it, but maybe if you get it on your TV we can watch it together!!! xx

[addy]

Daddy and I watched figure skating the other night. A skater performed to a song from Phantom of the Opera.

"Wishing you were somehow here again". Darling I can not stop the phrase from playing in my head and I cry and cry because soon it will be time to remember your decline and I am trying so hard to remember you as you were most of your life, so large and enjoying every minute to the fullest, no matter what.

My precious Zoe, wishing you were somehow here again, wishing you were here with me. Since it cannot be, wait for me around the bend, play and frolic until we meet and journey on.

She is but away until we can meet again.

Love you bunches

mom

[apollo6]

Beautifully said.
Sonja,Apollo and Ariel

[jas77450]

So sweet!!!

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-

I am still experiencing the losses of Peaches and Palmer. Palmer is 3+ years ago and Peaches is probably 18 or so years ago.

In my work room, I have two picture collages. One is of Peaches...I put it together after we lost her. I had enough holes almost to do one picture for each of her years. The other collage Ryan made for me...of Palmer. There are only 10 spaces on that one, but the pictures Ryan selected are so typical of Palmer. There are even two pictures of him with his huge yellow duck with the orange beek. Last night I had trouble going to sleep. I had some of the restless leg issue. At one point I was considering coming up and getting Palmer's duck. I went to bed with it for so long after he left.

They burrow deep into our hearts into the most remote corners. While I miss them still so much, I find it's unusual for the "bad" memories/moments to come to mind. There are several happy pictures with both dogs which seem to be etched into my mind. It's almost like getting a chance to visit with them again. I am so grateful for having had their experiences, for having them in my life, for their love for me and mine for them. At times my dogs made my life bearable. And it continues now with Bailey. I wish she had straight hair, as the other two did, I wish she had all of her tail, as she was supposed to, I wish she didn't bark so much at such a high pitch. Then she comes up to me and gently paws my arm two or three times. She looks at me with those soulful eyes and with that tiny little tail wagging. She melts my heart. She knows how to get to me so I will pick her up for another while.

We are so very blessed.

Love,
Sus

[milosmom]

so very sorry for your heartbreak addy .... the hardest part of loving our furbabies... xoxox patty(milo)meka :(

[addy]

Thank you all. With all the stress in my life, my darling Zoe always made me laugh because she was so engaging. That bright light of hers lit up my life in a way no one else could. I truly miss that, I miss laughing and I miss at times the overwhelming sense of love for her which warmed my soul.

I will forever be grateful to Zoe for sharing my life and teaching me so much.

And I will forever love her and miss her.

[My sweet Ginger]

Thinking of you and our darling Zoe.

[jas77450]

Me too, think of her and let her memories warm your soul again, hugs!

[apollo6]

Thinking of you and sweet Zoe.
Hugs Sonja

[addy]

Thank you for thinking of us. I am still sick with this unrelenting cough. Asthma drugs made me sicker:(:o

Makes it hard.

[Budsters Mom]

Were you tested for Whooping Cough? :confused:

[jas77450]

Hope you feel better!

[addy]

It is almost time for Thanksgiving, my darling Zoe. We will miss you very much tomorrow. I am very thankful for the wonderful memories we all shared of you this past week or two.

I will always be thankful of the gifts you gave me every day, my little girl. The joy, the love and the laughter are the things I miss the most and loved the most.

Dad has been stopping by in my dreams all week. He always appears when I need him the most. I am hoping he brings you along tonight as I would love to see you again, it has been a long time.

I love you always, so does Dad and Koko. Koko misses you, Zoe.

Happy Thanksgiving darling. Mama loves her baby girl.

[milosmom]

i am just popping through here addy and i am sending my heartfelt condolences to you for your furbaby zoe...i haven't been on here in sometime.wishing you much peace.i hope tomorrow you can share fond loving memories of her... patty (milo)meka xoxox

[apollo6]

Thinking of you and holding you and Zoe in my thoughts.
Wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving.
Sonja and Apollo and Ariel.

[addy]

I think I may have to remove December from my calendar. Last year I tripped on a gutter buried in the snow and fractured my shoulder. This year, I was out in the factory and smashed my head on the corner of a shelf. I think I have a mild concussion as I am dizzy and off balance, having pressure in my head and it has been more than 24 hours since I smashed it.

Work is a zoo and I reported the accident but I am still going to work.

Tell me when it is January, ok?

[Harley PoMMom]

OMGoodness, Addy :( You're such a trooper for going to work with a mild concussion, I wouldn't, so please do take care.

Hugs, Lori

[molly muffin]

oh my! I agree, work related injury, stay home!! They will survive without you for a few days till the dizziness passes. Does this mean you aren't sleeping either? Not suppose to sleep long hours with a concussion if I remember correctly.

Take care of yourself. Where is that pink bubble wrap when we need it. Gonna wrap it around your entire body! Head to Toe!

hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Go to the doctor, then stay home and happily let them pay you. That's what Workman's Comp is for. Use it! ;)

Big hugs,

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
You should have an x-ray to see if you have a concussion. Don't play around with this.
Love Sonja

[mcdavis]

Another vote for getting checked out. Concussion can be really nasty please look after yourself.

[Bailey's Mom]

Dear Addy-

My gosh...that's awful.
You know, friend of mine, I have noticed over time that you continue to go to work when I would not. The place will really survive without you for a day or two or three. As Sharlene pointed out, you should not be sleeping for hours after a concussion and you definitely should find out if it is a concussion or not. That IS what workman's compensation is for. :cool: I am so sorry this happened. You need to take care of yourself now. If you were playing for a football team, they would not let you back on the field until a thorough checkup had been performed and that there were signs to indicate when it got better.

I am sending along the pink bubble wrap. I'm not needing it right now.....although we all know that is subject to change really fast! :D
Don't just chuck December. It's been bumpy for you recently, but I remember some really fun times as well. I was in a Christmas store earlier this week and I saw this huge selection of bird ornaments and I immediately thought of you. I think you are really missing Zoe, that this is a hard time of year for you, and that you will get through this, as well. Even though you don't feel like it all the time, you are like the Energizer bunny. You are a woman with such strength and I am proud to have you for a friend.

Now go to the ER!!! :)

Love,
Sus

[addy]

It’s complicated :( cant talk about it.


It takes me 2 days to make up work for every ½ day I miss. I cannot keep up. So the pain of missing ½ day of work is worse than going to work sick. Missing 4 days of work is a nightmare for me when I come back.:mad::mad:


I read they have to do a Ct scan and diagnosing concussion is hard.

I thought I would give it 3 days and see how I feel. tomorrow is 3 days.:):) Maybe it will be better tomorrow.

[molly muffin]

Okay, so no one covers for you if you are gone and it's worse when you get back as you have to try and catch up. That is sucky.

In the mean time, we will want a day 3 report on how you are doing. :) Cause you know, we care. :)

hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Addy,

Please don't mess around with this. It can be serious! I had a brain injury several years ago. I was hit on the head by a flying ball and was knocked out cold for over 4 min. Talk about terrified youngsters! The paramedics arrived and transported me to the ER on a backboard. I was not given a choice. As it turned out, I had a concussion and a spinal injury. I had killer headaches for several months. The only thing that helped was packing my head in ice to reduce my brain swelling. That was 18 years ago. I still get severe migraines. Supposedly they are called by chemical imbalance in my brain, but I don't buy it. I think they are related to that injury.

Please get checked out ASAP! We worry. :o

[addy]

I will, I will file the report today and go to urgent care, I am worried about the dizziness and pressure on the top of my head and temple.

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you!!!!!:pJust cuz we care. Please keep us updated. xxxxoooo

[apollo6]

Dear Addy that is not a good sign.
Will be praying for you. Take care of yourself. You should get a cat scan as well as an ex- ray to see if there is bleeding or bruising of the brain.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo

[Trish]

Blardy hell girl!! Honestly, you are a bit of a disaster magnet at times :eek: god it hurts when you whack your head like that. Sounds like you saw stars and still dizzy, so glad you are getting it checked out Addy! Hopefully just a bit of bruising to your noggin!! Hope you have put a big flag on that shelf so you don't do it again! Is must be busy time of year in your line of work too, so can understand you not wanting to miss it then suffer the repercussions of going back to an awful pile of work... but with concussion as I am sure you likely know, you might just need to rest up a bit! Well I guess the only good news today for you is IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!! :D BUT no girlie drinks for you until we know your brain is not bruised!!! xxx

[molly muffin]

hmm, and not sure you should be driving till you have the all clear on the concussion issue. Although I know that will just make your life harder :( Course if you were off work anyway with work comp, then...... :) :) :) :)

I do hope it isn't anything more than a hard knock, but i'm glad you are going to have it checked out. Best be safe.

Let us know the scoop!

hugs

[addy]

Well I finally found an urgent care that can diagnose concussions so I filed my own accident report- that should go over big with the insurance company:):):):):) and off I go tomorrow morning. Still have headache and pressure, dizziness was better today. When I spoke to a triage nurse today she did not think the doctor would do a CT scan because I am not vomiting. So I guess that is good news and hopefully this ugly bump and bruise will just heal and all of this will be fine when the check me out tomorrow and it will just be a minor concussion and it will go away in a few weeks.

Have to drive, hubby has his procedure next week- I'll rest as I can.:rolleyes:

yes, Trish, I have people waiting for me to make sure their Christmas furniture is shipped out in time. After next week, I can have some down time.
I'm pretty sure this is a minor concussion, just need to make sure what I need to do for it.

[apollo6]

Hope you well be fine.
Sonja

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Please take care of yourself. One foot in front of the other,do what you can and leave the rest.
Merry Chirstmas and a better year ahead.
Sonja and Apollo

[addy]

Thank you dearest sister Sonja.

Seven wonderful Christmas celebrations we shared, my darling Zoe. I find that even though you are not physically with us this year, you keep popping in and out. The book I found from the two of us to Daddy in 2007, the 2008 calendar I found in the ribbon box with your photos and schedule for each month- even your twice a month weigh in recorded.

Your spirit lives on in our hearts and minds and I feel you presence so strongly today.

Your brother has a Santa suit and is going to distribute small gifts to Grammy's fellow residents. He is a good sport, Zozo, you trained him so well for me.

Merry Christmas my darling, my love,

always with me, forever and ever.

love,
mom

[addy]

Happy new year baby girl, I hope you and the gang have one heck of a party! Don't let granpa get to carried away, he always liked egg nog this time of year.

Miss you, love you, can never forget you, I know we will be together again one day, zozo.

2015 with out you, doesn't seem doable, but I know I will survive.

Love forever and more
Mom

[Budsters Mom]

Yes Addy you will survive. I have and you will too!:p Our babies are together and happy, ready to party on.:D

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
The loss will always be there,but so will the love the memories,the challenges. It will take as long as it takes to live with the loss of beautiful Zozo. You don't get over it,you just live with it.
Love Sonja and Apollo

[addy]

Sonja that is so true, really explains it all and puts things into perspective.

As badly as it still hurts, I would not have missed loving Zoe.

[addy]

Cleaning out the old umbrella stand, we decided it is just more clutter in the foyer, and down at the bottom is one of your red Kongs and the pink retractable leash I spent a small fortune on which you chewed in half.

Almost a year and I still find all things Zoe. Downstairs, I decided to empty the cabinets in the laundry room and way in the back was a plastic bag. When I opened it I found my dad's clothes, the clothes he wore to the hospital but never wore home or again. That really took me back fifteen years.

I thought you came to visit in my dreams last night, I finally slept.
Hard to say, I just have a sense of your presence today.

You are my little girl, always will be my most cherished love. Koko is fine, has blossomed so. You would be so proud of him,

I needed to find you today, I needed to speak with you, so I came home, here to this thread. This is where you are now, darling.

I love you more.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Addy,
We miss Zoe so.

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((hugs))))))))

[Harley PoMMom]

Hugs from me as well

[apollo6]

Dear sweet sister in arms,wish Icould give you a hug. Know so well how you feel. Zoe was letting you know she is watching over you.
Hugs Sonja

[Bailey's Mom]

You do know I am still sitting on your right shoulder, correct? Been here all along. I remember from Palmer how long that incredible pain lingers on. How wonderful it is that Koko has stepped up to the plate. I am sure he is loving the undivided attention.

Lately, Bailey comes, sits by me, and just stares at me. Wherever I go, she goes. She is disappointed when she must be left behind, but she is oh so joyful when we return. She always wants a hug from me. Her little tail is wagged so hard it makes her hips go side to side.

As I look back and read through a year full of posts, it's great to see your progress, your acceptance, your growth. Zoe was very, very special. She is remembered often by many.

Love,
Sus

[addy]

Thanks to you all. That one year mark is fast approaching, finding Dad's clothes did not help the situation.

I am so blessed to have Koko and I have Zoe to thank for that. The only reason Koko is here was for Zoe. I brought him home for her when her best friend moved away.

For seven years, everything I did, I did for her.

[Budsters Mom]

I totally understand Addy. I gave my all to Buddy. Everything I did revolved around his needs. I'd give anything to be able to still be doing it now.:o

Zo knows without a doubt that her mommy loves her and will always love her. She will always be the light of your life.


For seven years, everything I did, I did for her.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy,understand only to well how you feel. Your whole life revolved around trying to save Zoe. Then you are left with this empty hole in your soul that you struggle to fill. I'd give anything to have my Apollo back. I feel the lose is even harder when you are the 24/7 caregiver. We are here to get you through this.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
I am celebrating the life,courage,fortitude,joy Zoe gave all of us, one year ago, we lost a trooper, Zoe, February 22,2014.
Fly free Zoe.
Love always
Sonja

[Budsters Mom]

We will all celebrate our potato crunching, chicken walking little diva who won all of our hearts. Soar with our other Angels sweet girl.

Big hugs and tons of love for all three of you. Dear Addy, precious angel Zoe and sweet little Koko Puff.

We remember, we love, we care and we share. xxxxoooo

[molly muffin]

Zoe had the biggest personality and helped to create a world that is bright and filled with vibrant colors. You were a gift that will always be treasured.

Love

[addy]

Thank you for celebrating and honoring my precious little darling.

The impact this small wonder had on me will be with me forever. How is it possible it has been a year? I miss her every day. I try to ignore the pain. Distractions help.

My Zoe, mama will always hold you close to my heart, will always love and remember you and the short life we had together. My only true love in a lifetime. Zoe, my face at the door that is no more, my joy that has been tempered now, my laughter quieted to soft giggles.
I love you so and always will.

[My sweet Ginger]

Dear Addy,

Thinking of you and your darling Zoe often and always will.
It was such pure love that was shared between you and your precious Zoe and your devotion to Zoe was second to none. For that I know it hurts that much more thinking about Zoe but I'm very proud of you and Koko for how far you two have come without Zoe.
Your darling Zoe will always be in our hearts and will always be the brightest star in the sky. Big hugs.

[Trish]

All those visions of our feisty bossy little sweetie Zoe come flooding back as I sit here remember her funny stories and antics, I cannot think of Zoe without smiling as she had a knack of making you think "You GO Girl!" :D Loved her spunk and attitude of meeting life full on, her face may not be at your door Ads but her memory and love for you burns in a huge bright shiny presence that I don't think is every going to fade. Standing beside you as we remember her today, if I was with you I would have to insist we raise our glasses to toast her, as I think she would like that... (especially if it was a creamy drink and she got to lick it!!) xxxxxxxx

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Addy, I, too, am joining in with the others in honoring sweet Zoe. The sad feeling of their loss remains even though another year has passed, and our love for them along with the memories will never change.

I raise my glass to toast our most precious girl, Zoe.

In loving memory of dear Zoe, always.

Love and hugs, Lori

[Spiceysmum]

Dear Addy,

Joining you today in remembering your darling Zoe. It is a sad month for many of us and I will be thinking of you today.

Linda x

[Squirt's Mom]

Our precious Zoe, you will always be remembered and cherished.

Addy, my tears fall with yours, dear, during this most difficult time.
Hugs,
Leslie

[Woodydog]

Joining in with the others in remembering sweet Zoe, it is a sad day, but you are doing good Addy

[Budsters Mom]

Dearest Addy,

I'll be holding your hand all weekend. I hope you're able to get something done with only one hand. ;):D

Yes, we miss her too!

[Robert]

Thinking of you and Zoe. Know that zoe is looking down thanking her lucky stars that you were here mum in the time she had here.

[Tina]

Dear Addy,

Stopping in to let you know that I have been thinking about you and beloved Zoe, and my heart is with you during this difficult time. I too have so many happy memories of her, and I think about her and her cute ways quite often. She was a special gift and we all miss her.

Big hugs from me and Jasper xo

[addy]

Dearest Family,

Thank you so much for celebrating my beautiful little girl. You have all touched me deeply. I find that his one year mark has been much harder for me than I thought and words are not coming very easily to me. Life has been throwing me many curve balls since I lost my darling Zoe, I find right now, I just can't speak.

Thank you all for your unconditional support. Our family here continues to amaze me. Your kindness and support are unwavering.

When I feel like I can again join the conversations, I truly will.

Right now, I cant.
Love you all and thank you.

[scoora]

Remembering your sweet girl Zoe.
Hugs to you Addy.

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Addy,

We completely understand, and you take all the time you need. Sending huge and loving hugs your way.

[labblab]

Addy, I've just come from reading a reply written by our dear Leslie, and was struck anew by these beautiful words that accompany all her writings here:

"May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." Anne, a Corgi mom

I thank Anne for writing these words and I thank Leslie for sharing them. Somehow they seem especially suited to this week of honor for both Zoe and Queen Squirt. We know that Zoe is forever present in your mind and your heart, tucked safely into corners that she has claimed and that belong to her and her alone. And Addy, you are always present with us, too, even in the absence of written words. You do not forget us, and we do not forget you. Words are always appreciated when they come. But they are not essential when connections run as deeply as they do among our family members here. You take care of yourself, Addy, and write if and when it is a comfort to you. In the meantime, we know you are never far from us.

Marianne

[mytil]

Dearest Addy,

You and your sweet Zoe will always be a part of us here. Keep well and take the needed time.

((((hugs))))
Terry

[molly muffin]

{{{{Addy}}}}
love

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Sweetie,

We're chatted before about certain things that are difficult, if not downright impossible for us to do right now. We feel yours, Zoe's and Koko's presence whether you are currently posting or not.

Surrounding you with love and care,
Kathy

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-

I know it's especially rough now. I remember all too well. It's hard to believe it could have been one year but just think of all the fun your Dad and Zoe are having together.

As we were returning home the other evening, as we passed just under a street light, it went out. If you remember back I shared how it came to be that I think that's Mom just checkin' in to let me know she's still around....and she knows all that goes on. I find great comfort in thinking that our special ones, both two legged and four legged, are still "with us." Zoe was a very special little gal. We all miss her.

Love,
Sus

[Trish]

I have been out celebrating my birthday, have been thinking of you tonight Addy, I am home and playing music and want to share with you my favourite song of the moment!! Weirdly, this song seems to be on the radio the last couple of times when we have left the IMS... so I have dubbed it Flynn and my song LOL... but I think it think it matches you and Zoe too! So wanted to share! Hope you do not think it too sad.. but they belong with us on this side or the other side of the rainbow bridge... love this song and sending big hugs to you tonight!! xxxx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvCBSSwgtg4

[MBK]

Dearest Addy,

I very much understand the need to take a break...I have felt it, too. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you managed on the first anniversary of losing sweet Zoe. I cannot believe it has been a year already since we lost our girls. The anniversary was much harder than I anticipated, and I am sorry you are experiencing the same.

We are fortunate that we had our girls in our lives for the time that we did. Even though our hearts have been broken.

Take care, dear friend.

[addy]

Dearest Zoe-

Your little friend Bella is in surgery today. Please watch over her, ok? Remember how you loved to correct her behavior on your play dates? We are all waiting to hear if the cancer spread or if it is only in her spleen. I keep seeing the two of you playing together, running round and round the kitchen and living room in my mind’s eye. You supposedly were the same age but Bella always seemed younger. How you loved those play dates, baby girl.

Loving you and thinking of you so.

Dearest Family, words still do not come and I am ill again. Thank you for thinking of us.

all my love,
addy

[Squirt's Mom]

Holding you all in my thoughts, prayers, and heart, Addy.

[molly muffin]

Aww Addy. I hope that Zoe's playmate Bella will be okay.

You take care of you! My friend had recurring bouts of bronchitis since before Christmas till just recently.

Sending you tons of love and strength

[addy]

Thank you, Bella is home recovering, they did not see any more tumors or cancer. I hope she will be ok. I have been worried about her for awhile, something was not right. I mentioned it once or twice but really could not say any more without offending.

Dr. says I have bronchitis and wants me on 20mgs prednisone for 5 days.
Not sure I should take it. She said it is viral and since I cant take codeine she has nothing left to give me.

Not sure I should take it, I went down this road last Fall with the asthma drugs and it caused me nothing but trouble.

IDK:rolleyes::o:confused:

[labblab]

Oh Addy, good news about Bella, but not-so-good news about our Addy! :o

As far as the pred, have you taken it before with bad results? There can definitely be side effects as we all know, but sometimes the anti-inflammatory action it supplies really does help enormously. Perhaps you could give it a try since you can always stop taking it if you don't like how it makes you feel?

Sending healing hugs your way!

[addy]

Thanks Marianne, you are right I can just stop it. Last time I took that small dose was about 7 years ago and I was fine. I have just been overdosed on pred and other asthma drugs, I get scared unless I have a reassuring doctor.
I'll take you though for reassurance if I may:)

I used to take Zoe's pred when my sinus headaches were awful but that was only 5 to 10 mgs. Shhh don't tell anyone I did that:rolleyes::o

I have to do something, I can't sleep because I make these strange crackling squeaky noises when I try to sleep n then have a huge coughing fit I literally choke and throw up phlegm.

I have to try something.

[molly muffin]

Bronchitis is horrible. Impossible to get a good nights sleep, coughing non stop. I'd give a small dose of pred a try, just for a little while and see if it at least helps you. I agree with Marianne. If it doesn't work, stop it or if you feel bad while on it.

I'm glad Bella is doing so well. Your turn!!

hugs

[addy]

Well I just swallowed the dang pill, hopefully I wont have the heart palpitations like I did last year from the Asthmanex inhaler. I read sometimes you can even take a short 3 day course. My ribs hurt so bad from coughing and my ears hurt really bad.

Hopefully it will help without making me crazy.

I need a hand icon for you to hold:);)

[labblab]

Oh good luck, Addy!!! Will this work in place of an icon?? :p :) :) :)

We're all here rooting for you! (Hoping you can click on the "thumbnail" below)

837

[Squirt's Mom]

Addy, you don't have to take the whole 20mg either. Start with 5mg and see if that gives you enough relief without causing additional problems.

I have some recipes using food items for a soup and chest poultice if you are interested. They can help open the airways and move the excess fluids...and since they are made of onions and garlic and other such things, they smell rather strong, which is one of their methods of working. Onion has antibacterial properties, garlic has antimicrobial properties- both lose effectiveness when heated. If you like ginger, get some ginger root from the grocery and use it liberally - eat it raw in salads and such or just nibble on it, use it to make tea, add it to soups, etc. Ginger helps with blood flow, warming, and has some pretty good anti-inflammatory properties.

Hope you feel better soon, sweetie. I am very glad Bella's results came back so good, too! That is one less thing to worry about now.

[addy]

Love the hand holding, thank you so much:) Marianne where did you find the photo?

Leslie, I have to be so concerned about my asthma, I could hardly move my peak flow meter.

So far just alternating from feeling too "dried out" in my sinus area to feeling better. The coughing is not so severe and straining.

No weird things yet but I have kept my brain occupied while resting, trying to find a new doctor.

So far day one not so bad:o:o
I feel like such a wimp:rolleyes:

[labblab]

Yay, so glad you're feeling even a bit better!!!

I'm so glad you like the photo! :)

I plugged "holding hands" into a Google search, and then clicked on "Images" and this was one of many sweet and beautiful ones that came up. There are a multitude there, so we can even rotate pics and hold new hands every single day if we want to. ;) :D

[apollo6]

dear Addy
so sorry feeling the way you do. Hope you feel better. Check on my in loving memory, video I did. My brother has horrible allergies and can get an asthma attack if he doesn't watch it.
Love Sonja

[molly muffin]

So glad that you are feeling even a little bit better.

Yes absolutely you need to be careful of your asthma, that is nothing to fool around with as you know. They have you on antibiotics too right for any secondary bacterial infections? My friend, myself and my husband all had to take antibiotics before our bronchitis cleared up and my friends kept coming back as I told about that earlier.

hand holding is available anytime!

love ya

[addy]

Don't think I can take the prednisone again, I have had zero sleep

[labblab]

A good friend who periodically needs pred pulses says that, no matter what the time of year, she always gets spring cleaning taken care of during the spurts :o. Nothing like waxing the floors at midnight...:eek:

Seriously though, so sorry that you cannot rest. That is not good. :(

[addy]

I haven't had much sleep for a week but now I have had zero sleep.
I'm worried about how worn out I feel and then there is the pressure from work to be there Monday. I almost 63, it is getting harder to do this.

I coughed all night and my ribs and stomach muscles hurt.
I was always told by my original asthma doctor that I should not take a cough suppressant. Every once in a while a doctor will tell me to take it.

Not sure what to do.

[judymaggie]

Addy--I am so sorry you are having such serious health problems. I know from personal experience how difficult, if not impossible, it is to focus on work when dealing with insomnia. Being a perfectionist, I hated making mistakes (and not even realizing it until someone pointed it out to me). My turning point came when I almost fell asleep when driving to work. Please take care of yourself.

[addy]

Thanks, I just need to stop this cough and wheezing, if I get 3 or 4 hours sleep I can cope.

I just read about 30 articles on treating bronchitis and in an asthmatic.

I think I see the mistake I made. I should have started the rescue inhaler right away to keep my airways open. I did not realize bronchitis causes mucus in my airways.

I need to find a good doctor to discuss this asthma stuff with.
I feel better emotionally right now. Knowledge always helps:)

I need to get well fast, the painter is coming Tuesday and will be here a week, gosh what will those paint fumes do to me n Koko, we will have to sleep at a hotel, I think.

We are painting the whole house two shades of gray and refreshing the white woodwork. I hope that appeals to the masses!

[Squirt's Mom]

OH remembered something I learned when I last had so much mucous - fruit helps a lot. Eat as much as you can tolerate, skins when possible like grapes, apples, etc.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Was told Mucinos(not sure of the spelling) helps with mucus. We are so similar. I am slowing down also,having a harder time keeping up,and trying to work until we close the store. Have my own issues with health. Plan next year to sell our townhouse.
In memory of Zoe:
(Those we love don't go away,they walk beside us every day. Unseen,unheard,but always near,stilled loved,still missed and very dear.)
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[labblab]

Good morning, Addy! You are on my mind today, and I just want you to know that warm thoughts and sunny spring breezes are flowing your way from me. :)

I hope you are feeling much better by now! ;)

Love, Marianne

[Harley PoMMom]

I have asthma and had that bronchitis along with a severe sinus infection a month or so ago. :eek: It was miserable :(:mad: I fought it for a good 2 weeks and than made a appointment with my ear/nose/throat specialist. She put me on Dulera (I am on Aerospan for my asthma), the Dulera replaced my Aerospan until the bronchitis was gone. I felt the difference in my lungs the first day with the Dulera. Hope you are feeling better soon.

[Trish]

Addy, Addy, Addy!! It's Friday... and a super dooper GOOD FRIDAY, which means I am not at work :D:D:D:DHope you get the day off too :D:D:D:D

If you are still sick I hope you have seen a respiratory specialist young lady!!

Hoping you and Koko are getting out and about now your weather has been warming up, been checking your weather and your regularly above zero now! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee, hopefully that will help your chest too.

Big hugs... I am not going to be able to make Vegas after all so we will have to plan some other meet up, some day, some time... you better believe I am going to visit ONE DAY! xxxxxx

[addy]

Hi Dear Friends,

Thank you for checking in on me. I have been pretty sick with a nasty virus that caused asthmatic bronchitis. Then one of my bosses also had it:eek:

The painter was here for 10 days and the plaster dust and paint fumes caused me further problems. I am still coughing but started my Singulair and am trying to cut back on the albuterol and will switch over to my Advair once I can cope with less albuterol. What a mess:o:o

The house looks good, we painted it two shades of gray and the project just snowballed into a bigger one than we original intended.

Koko Puff fell in love with Mark the painter and there were a few days I thought he was going home with him to be his dog:rolleyes::rolleyes:
Two timer is what I almost called Koko Puff.:):):):) I mean what the heck happened to Mama's boy????

All of this has left me exhausted and I have not been able to catch up with any of you.

Hopefully I will not be so tired. I had to keep going up and down the stairs, moving all of our stuff out of the way so he could paint while I was sick. We still dont have the house put back together.

Happy Spring everyone and I hope to catch up soon.

[Budsters Mom]

AWWW Addy, I got your messsage. I am so sorry to hear that you are still feeling so poorly.:o What's this with our little Koko Puff being a traitor?;) Rest as much as you are able and don't worry about us here.

Big hugs and tons of love and healing energy headed your way,
Kathy

[scoora]

Take care of yourself Addy.
Hope you feel better real soon.

[apollo6]

Take care of yourself. Koko how could you do that to your Mom!
Our lives are so simular.
Love always
Sonja

[addy]

Darling Zoe, I celebrated your birthday yesterday by staying home from work, painting woodwork and loving you. It was bittersweet my love. Earlier in the week we had a warm day so Koko and I were outside. He sat on the iron bench as you did while I happily dug in the flower bed. I saw a siver object and l could not beieve my eyes. It was the silver earring I had lost in the bed that second summer you and I spent together over eight years ago.

I have dug in that flower bed a thousand times and could not figure out why suddeny that earring would surface. I took it as a sign from you, something lost, something found.

The house looks very pretty and I still find things of yours. The realtor will do our listing up May. 1st.

I am having a hard time with it. The house has never looked this good, I have worked so hard. Most of all, I won't have your spirit joined to mine, here in this house we both loved.

Daddy says he loves you and misses his girl and we told Jim how you healed Daddy's Carpel Tunnel so he did not need surgery, our little licker cured her Daddy.

We love you darling, baby girl. Happy birthday.

All our love mama, daddy and Kokomo too

[molly muffin]

Happy belated birthday Zoe

Addy it is good to see you again. Sounds like you have been very busy with getting the house ready to sell. Have you decided where you will move to yet?

How is the bronchitis and asthma? I hope you are feeling better and no linger problems from the concussion either.

Big hugs. We have missed you.

Love

[Budsters Mom]

Sorry, I'm late too! Happy Belated Birthday Zo-Zo! Is there any cake left?;)

We miss you Addy! Sending you tons of love and healing energy. I hope you're better!

Hugs,
Kathy

[addy]

Darling Zoe,

Tuesday we sign the papers to put our beloved Knollwood up for sale.
The realtor said nice things about Knollwood, how unique and lovely it is and that I am selling an experience more than a house. I told her how lovely it looks on Memorial Day.

You have been by my side every step of the way Zozo but tonight I needed to come here to you.

It is harder than I thought, this last tie to you, to let it go.
I can't stop the tears from falling.

Always by my side, forever in my heart my darling. I can't seem to see through the tears to type.

L

[mytil]

Dearest Addy,

This is so hard and I am sure your little pup is watching over you and saying it is okay Mom, it is not the place, it is the love that filled it and you can take it all with you.

(((hugs)))
Terry

[Squirt's Mom]

I can imagine how very difficult it is to leave that home. In my minds eye, I see all those places Squirt stood, and walked, and rolled, and on and on and on...and to leave those places would be so very hard to do. But, oh, sweet Addy, your precious girl is with you no matter where you lay your head. Those memories of Knollwood will grow more cherished and shining as time passes. Nothing can take that away from you.

Sending you many hugs and strengthening energies as you face this change to your world, one that I am sure will be positive and bring you much joy.
Leslie

[molly muffin]

Zoe lives in your heart I know that you know that. It doesn't make leaving the place she loved any easier. You love it too there and it is just damn hard this moving on stuff. Maven though you know you want to do it. Are taking steps to do what needs to be done. Emotions often ignore those practicalities.

We've had discussions about selling the house and downsizing too this year. I was surprised I think at how emotional that made me to even discuss it and I still have Molly. But if I didn't. I think it would be even harder to face.

Love.

[apollo6]

Dear sweet Addy
Zoey will always be with you. There is no easy way to get through this. This home is part of Zoey.But when you leave remember Zoey will go with you. She will be in your heart and soul.
Next year we will sell our place,the place Apollo grow up in, and I know it is going to be hard.
Hugs Sonja,Apollo and little Ariel

[addy]

My darling Zoe,

Little Bella is coming to you tonight, I kissed her head and told her to fly high and free, to run to you. I shared my favorite memory of the two of you with her mom and dad. Now don't go bossing her around right away, give the pug a break as she is tired from fighting a good fight.

It is the end of an era, Zoz, both of you gone. I was not expecting her turn for the worse.

Koko did not know her, she was your play date, never his.

Still love my best girl, it is just so hard to look back, Zoe, too hard to remember two heads in the oatmeal bowl or beautiful face at the door

Loving you forever, never forgotten, always by my side

[Trish]

Sorry to read about Bella, loss of a granddog so hard too, especially with those links to the past, big hugs for you all xxx

[apollo6]

May sweet Bella rest in peace. Zoe you take Google care of her.
Sonja,Apollo, Karma, Ariel

[addy]

Thank you, Bella is at peace. She was a good dog and I was happy I was able to share part of my life with her. I can still see her as a puppy, coming to the office for the first time.

I am sure Zoe is bossing her around as usual and Bella is allowing her to. They were about the same height, she was a big pug!

Goodness, Zoe I kept thinking how there would have been no way you were ever able to go to the Delafield Hotel:rolleyes:

But that is ok, we always had Zoe Sundays and papa and I still talk about all those traveling Sunday's, taking rides in the car to find a new place for you to explore.

You always had to be the co pilot and it was the only time I was able to have you on my lap.

Love you forever

[Allison]

Sorry for your loss of Bella. Your description of her as a puppy, coming to the office for the first time, brought back memories of my own beloved dogs who have passed too. Hugs.

[addy]

Dearest Zoe,

It is October and you are on my mind a lot these days. Koko is fine and loves our new townnhouse. I don't think you would have cared much for it.

Zoe, you were such a huge part of me, so like me. It was like God took part of me and wrapped it up into a little, beautiful dog package.
I looked into your eyes and we shared our souls.

I know I cannot turn back the clock yet I long for just an hour of our lives together before you got sick.

There are no reminders of you here now, not in this new place. We call it the townhouse, we never call it home. It is ok for now. Home will always be that low slung pink stone ranch that glowed with love and happiness in the twilight, holding out its safe harbor to me with your beautiful face at the door.

Love you and miss you just as much today as ever.

Mama

[Budsters Mom]

Zoe will always be a huge part of you Addy. Our souls definitely intertwine with theirs. That will never change. She is with all of you, no matter where you are or what you're doing.

I don't know when it will get easier. I am still waiting for that to happen.:o I know that Koko has stepped up and I'm so proud of him for that! Our sweet little boy. What a treasure and a blessing.:p I'm sure that having him with you helps, just like having Rosie saved me, but I realize that it's not the same and will never be so. Our precious heart dogs can never be replaced and really shouldn't be. They were our perfect fit and life feels empty without them.

We will get through this together dear one, like so many others here. Know how much Zoe will always love you.

Big hugs,
Kathy

[Bailey's Mom]

Dear Addy-

I understand exactly how you feel.
I will say that I think I have had two heart dogs. It can happen.
I am sure it is making it much harder since you had to move. Life moves on.....we must move with it. :)

Love,
Sus

[addy]

Thank you both for your kind words. Koko has indeed stepped up to the plate. We sold him short Inthink a s he always hung back and allowed Zoe to take center stage.

He is much smarter than we knew and has blossomed into the perfect dog we can take anywhere. He loves to jump up into my arms so he can give me a quick kiss on the ear.

Zoe would be very proud of her little brother, I know, as she taught him well.

I am very thankful I have him.

I had two heart cats. I think Zoe will always be my one and only.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
It is bitter sweet to think about beautiful,brave Zoe. May you be reminded of the good memories. It just is so different know. A part of you is gone with Zoe, and a part of Zoe will always be with you.
I can't believe it has been over a year since Zoe past, 3 years for my boy Apollo, my one and only.
Love Sonja,Apollo,Karma, Ariel

[molly muffin]

I get a lump in my throat just thinking of Zoe and your beautiful connection to each other. Koko is a special little guy too and I am so glad you have each other.

Home is where the heart is and Zoe is in your heart, so wherever you are, she is there too, always lighting your world with a memory.

Big hugs Addy. I think I just really hate change and a loss is one of the biggest changes of all.

love ya

[mypuppy]

Oh Sweet Addy,
Your words of love for your Zoe brought me many tears. Some happy some sad because I know where you are coming from...everyone here who has loved and lost a beloved furbaby knows how much it hurts. You and your baby had each others hearts, love and souls. Nothing can ever break that beautiful, cherished and treasured bond.

Thinking of you with a smile and some tight hugs OOOOO.
Love you and Zoe!
Xo Jeanette

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending love and huge hugs, dear Addy.

[addy]

I know you all understand and thank you for that. What would I have done without all of you?

That thought makes me cry. But enough of tears. Thank you all so much for rembering my little girl.

[addy]

Happy Thanksgiving, baby girl. I hope you are chasing rainbows and eating lots of turkey. Two years ago today was the start of the decline. I thought the pain would be less this year but find that terrible ache in my heart.

So in honor of you, feisty darling, I put on my brave face and will celebrate you and all of our Thanksgivings.

Lol, Zozo, it is beyond weird this year and I cant even find a basket for the dinner rolls, I must have given them all away.

But in spite of the newness and strangeness, I count my blessings, my best darling.Your beautiful memory and Our love and bond being one of them.

The rhythm of life continues, just that we now dance to a different beat. Time goes by so quickly, how the dance will change again.

Love you more than I can ever express, my baby girl. Thank you for playing beauty parlor with me and for loving your bows.

Daddy and Koko love you too. Koko is the "popular dog" the kitten next store loves him, the older dog two doors down loves him too, it is so funny. thank you for teaching him so well, my brave girl, always in charge and correcting bad behavior.

Koko won't dance to Golden Oldies, only you.

Forever
Mom

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
The holidays remind even more how much we miss them, the rituals we only did with them. Every time I see a dog that looks like Zoe, I gulp and think about her. Our beautiful brave Zoe. Always loved always missed.
Sonja,Apollo,Karma, Ariel

[addy]

Merry Christmas my darling. If memories were presents wrapped in beautiful paper and ribbons, I would have many under the tree.Miss you so very much, little girl,

Daddy needs you to lick his back to cure him. Remember how you cured his carpel tunnel by licking his wrist everyday?
He didn't need surgery, only your love and healing tongue.

Koko has a case of the itches, I'm hoping it is a lone flea bite, it has been so warm it does not even feel like Christmas.

Kate is finally home, our world traveler. You loved her so. One of the few people you didn't try to bite:rolleyes:

Oh my Zoe, thank you for being my soulmate, love you forever, the pain of losing you overwhelms sometimes to this day.

Have to go my darling.

Love you for eternity

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs!!!))))))))))

[apollo6]

In loving memory of Zoe.
Sonja,Apollo

[Allison]

Hugs! As the years pass the holidays become more bittersweet. In the space of only two years, my husband and I have lost three pets. Yet our household is full once again, alive with our toy poodle and three cats. We mourn and we celebrate. May you have a blessed 2016.

[apollo6]

Remembering our sweet brave Zoe. Tomorrow it will be the day, Feb 23,2014 that Zoe passed. Always in our heart,and minds. My dear warrior sister,Addy, thinking about you .
Love Sonja, Apollo

[addy]

Thank you dear sister. It has been up and down with emotions. I tried very hard to tell my brave, strong darling that I would honor her memory with happy thoughts, many endearing memories but an overall sense of loss started a few weeks ago, something I can't get rid of.

Remember, my darling how Koko would hide from the vacuum cleaner and you would attack it?

Remember, my darling how Koko needed help solving his puzzle and you grabbed it, banged it against the stove then tossed it in the air- puzzle solved?

Remember my darling, how daddy would sing "how Zoe comes marching home" to you while you so determinedly pulled him down the street while I trailed behind with Koko?

Remember our chicken walks, our special time just you and me and sometimes the deer would follow us?

Remember beauty parlor and red bows with your red velvet coat?

Remember clicker training and all the tricks you would throw at me?

Remember my laughter at your antics?

Remember my undying love and devotion?

Remember me and what we shared and I will always remember you.

Never to be forgotten, always dearly loved, my very special Zoe, the most beautiful dog I had ever seen.

The most beautiful dog I love and always will with all my heart and soul.

We celebrate your life and remember, beautiful face at the door.

[molly muffin]

Remember dancing through the house to the oldies. :).
Zoe will always be special to us all but to none more than you our dear Addy.
You and koko and your hubby and mom and Zoe are all family to us and we treasure you.

[Harley PoMMom]

Joining you in honoring your sweet girl ~ In loving memory of Zoe

[Joan2517]

Beautifully said...wonderful memories.

[apollo6]

Zoe was a strong beautiful soul. She will always be in your heart and soul. Love Sonja,Apollo.
The lose never goes away. Some days are filled with loving memories others with sadness and that is okay. It makes us realize the mark they left on our heart.

[addy]

Thank you dear family, our pups are all so special. It is wonderful to know they are all remembered here.

In loving memory to all we have lost.

[addy]

Well Baby girl, stopped by because I am missing you for another birthday. I miss the cards Daddy would buy for me, signing your name , always saying happy birthday to the best mommy.

Grammy is coming too to celebrate 92 years of living. Watch down from heaven and join us for the party.

There has been an angel with me the last year, guiding the way, I think it might be you. Mamas brave, strong darling yet so insecure and vulnerable.

We are off to another adventure next month. We will be able to go to your favorite park along the river, it is five minutes from the new condo.

What I miss the most is our chicken walks, that special time outside, talking, just you and me. Two years and I still hold you close, cherish every memory, loving you always.

Spring is early this year and my thoughts go to the Zoe sweater they designed and named after you. You were beautiful in that yellow sweater. You wore it in the Spring.

The most beautiful dog I have ever seen, my precious Zoe.

Love you forever,
Mama

[Budsters Mom]

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADDY!!! :p:p:p

[apollo6]

Happy Birthday sweet Addy. May sweet Zoe be with you in spirit today.
Love always
Sonja, Apollo

[addy]

A www, thanks for the birthday wishes, it was a good day.
Sure did miss my girl, though, guess I always will.

[addy]

Sweet girl, I did not forget your birthday, daddy, Koko and I had a quiet remberance. We are moving next week and you would love the new place, it has sidewalks and lots of places to smell and a full view door just like home for dog tv.

Your trunk is still packed and will be placed in the den so you will be close by. Daddy and I talk about you all the time, my darling, you are always in our hearts and minds.

I love you very much and miss you every day of my life. Not sure when this gets easier as I can't even see what I am typing through the tears and it has been two years.

Remember me and I will remember you, Zoe, the most beautiful dog I had ever seen

[Bailey's Mom]

Oh how I wish I could wave a wand and all the pain would be no more! Zoe was so lucky to have had you for a Mom. I'm sure Koko misses her as well. I don't have an answer for when the pain stops, but I can tell you it gets less frequent. Palmer and Peaches continue to warm my heart. I don't know they will ever be pain free memories for me.

I saw the cutest dog/puppy yesterday. 5 month. Australian Labrador I think she said....although it definitely had some poodle in it. Such a sweetheart. I could easily bring home another dog.....if I could.

Thoughts are with you, Addy. Enjoy the new memories you are building.

Love,
Sus

[apollo6]

Dear sweet Addy
Zoe was bigger than life and she will always be in your life. Just yesterday we both said how much we miss our Apollo, and Karma and yes the tears came. Zoe will always be with you, our little warrior princess.
The loss will always be there.
Love Sonja,Apollo, Karma