New To Forum - Keesh has crossed over

[Junior's Mom]

Hi Judi, I hope Keesh is still improving. He sure is a wonder isn't he.
I can't remember what tests you have had done on him, but has a pitched nerve been ruled out.
With the way he gets better and worse, it sounds like something coming and going in the central nervous system. He seems to do well in the water, maybe because the weight is off him, and everything flows freely then?
Anyways, I love hearing his stories, so I'm just throwing an idea out there.
Tracey

[spdd]

duplicate posting deleted

[spdd]

Hi guys... we've had a couple of good days, but there have been so many people in and out of here, Keesh can't help but feel good cause he absolutely loves company. When someone arrives he goes to his toy box and brings them a treasure when they are still at the door. He's done that for years. He even does it to me if I have to go out for a bit. It's his way of saying welcome.

Tracey.... about 3 years ago a vet said that they believe the myelin in Keesh's spine was interrupted, it was a guess on their part after an x-ray so that's when they started the Metacam. Not that the Metacam would help much, but possibly relieve symptoms at the time that Keesh was showing. Therapist has found about 3 lumps on the spine, so I'm sure that's creating issues but he trudges on.

Patti. - we had a thunderstorm yesterday but nothing too major. Keesh did have hydrotherapy yesterday, and I was going to stop them as his next sessions need to be paid for, but he loves it soooo much, I'm going to pay for another 5. The little guy doesn't get too much excitement during the week with just the 2 of us, but his focus when he's swimming is unbelievable. The therapist said she has 5-6 yr old dogs that don't do as well as him.
The house isn't sold, but it's not officially on the market yet. The word is out, but I really can't list it for about another month maybe. So much work to do and it's just me doing it. I've pitched a lot of stuff though, and continue to, I have a dumpster in a bag in my driveway. I haven't got a clue where I'm going yet, I've looked everywhere from Elliott Lake to the east coast. It all depends on what I get for the house then I'll make my final decisions.

I have to admit I am completely exhausted, probably more so then I've ever been in my life. I chalk it up to my age and the amount of work that is being done. I have to stop and take breaks which annoys me cause once I get started I like to finish before any interruptions. Oh well, life goes on... just don't know where to yet - LOL

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
You are good at planning so that will help a lot. That is so cute about Keesh bringing his treasure to everyone to greet them. I am glad you are doing some more sessions with the hydrotherapy. It probably feels so good for him to have the pressure off his back for a while, and the warm water helps. He probably looks forward to that enjoyment. Sorry you have to do all this stuff yourself, if I lived closer I would pitch in and help you. We had another doozey of a storm last nite. Tipper is really struggling. Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
Just checking in on you miraculous man. How is he doing these last few days? What has your weather been like? WE have frost and real cool weather and the furnace is on again! Have a good weekend
Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
Hope you are having a good weekend, and that Keesh is still doing ok. Just thinking of you two and all you both have been thru. Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
How is Keesh? I hope things are going better for you this week. Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
You are probably busy with your house and all, but just a little check to see how Keesh is doing? Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Ahhh Patti. You never cease to amaze me. All that's going on with you too and yet you still post on my thread. You're a sweetheart.

Well mah boy has lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks. He wears his vest now all the time to prevent face plants when walking as his front legs give out every once in awhile. His back legs he drags his toes a little all the time now. He is still enthusiastic, loves his walks and of course his swimming still. My miracle boy has his last outing at 6 at nite and sleeps right through the night until 5 or 6 in the morning. Lazy for sure, but at least I get some sleep now. No peeing or accidents, however I cannot now deviate at all with his food. It is strictly his rollover and kibble. Chicken, beef or anything including cheese gives him the runs almost immediately. He still takes Previcox every other day and I know it's starting to bother him as he eats a lot of grass when he gets the chance. However, - it does have to be freshly mowed... :)
I picked up another batch of pills yesterday for him and they wanted to run routine blood work on him as it's due. I refused as I just don't want to know, period. We are in a steady, slow but sure decline without a lot of drama and I prefer to keep it that way. He really has bad gingivitis but there is nothing I can do at this point. Anesthetic is out of the question at this stage, I just won't put him through it, and am terrified something might happen plus if he did make it through it, it would take him weeks to get over it, and that kind of time is too precious to waste. So far there is no head shaking or turning of the head, and he still has a healthy appetite, so I'm going to just let things run their course. He's happy, mobile and as good as gold, so why rock the boat.
He is now 14 years and 8 months old with a constitution that would put almost any animal to shame. Even though this break up has been hard and getting ready to sell has taken it's toll on me, the one great thing about all of this, mah boy and I are getting one on one time each and everyday all day now. We are joined at the hip 24-7, and that's a good thing.

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
It is so hard to hear about Keesh. He has been nothing short of miraculous. You have done everything humanly possible to help him. I totally understand about no more testing. I know you would rather he be happy and the best quality of life possible for him. This is one of life's most trying times. You best friend and buddy, who loves you when no one else does, is failing. Please give Keesh hugs and kisses from Tipper and I. I am truly sorry, and wish I had the power to change it. Blessings
Patti

[Junior's Mom]

I'm so glad to hear you and Keesh are still having fun Judi. Enjoy the moments, as they are precious.
Tracey

[molly muffin]

Yay Judi and Keesh.

I'm glad that you two are still having good days together and that you have been able to adapt his vest to every day use to help protect him. It is what it is and I understand that there just comes that point when it has to be about enjoying the life that is left and not about running back and forth to the vets and tests all the time. That makes sense. To me anyhow it does.

You have had a real rough time and I am hoping that the summer is going to be a really good one for you both.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

Hi Judy:
Just thinking of you and Keesh. Any bites on the house yet? I hope you two are enjoying a bit of summer. Sharlene said there was a tornado near you. We had one about 7 miles away a few nites ago. Hope you two are well. Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Hi Patti. The house isn't listed yet, but will be very shortly I hope. It would be nice to sell it privately. I've been cleaning rugs, have people coming in hopefully next week to replace the carpeting on the stairs, as I've ordered it, and a crew coming to re-do the front walkway and trim a huge overgrown oriental willow hedge I have next to the fence. It's just too big for me to do.
The tornado passed through last week and 100 homes were damaged or destroyed. It was about 2 minutes away tornado time that is, and I was prepared to hit the basement and drag Keesh down there with me, but there were only sheets of water and high wind. Very lucky to have missed us. My business I sold and all that had to be packed up and inventoried, so it's been a busy time.
Keesh is still hanging in, although in the last few days, his back end just collapses. Most times he can get himself back up, but a couple of times he needed help, yet he will still climb up the stairs at night for bed. No accidents and healthy appetite still, so my little wonder dog continues to thrive and until his time is here, the house won't be going up for sale. It's a good thing though, cause I'm beyond exhausted these days and just cannot get the energy to do what needs to be done.

[Trish]

HI Judi

Phew that was a close call with the tornado, glad it missed. Your poor community though, sounds like it would have been a major cleanup. Not nice and so scary.

Keesh just keeps on boxing on, his spirit is indomitable!! If health was measured in pluckiness he would be zooming along, glad you are getting to spend time together through all this upheaval in your life.

Nice to see you xxx

[goldengirl88]

Hi Judi:
I am glad you did not have tornado damage and that you and Keesh were safe. It is good you are staying in the house for now as Keesh does not need the stress of moving. I am glad he is still rallying and eating well. Will you retire now, or go on to something else? I am happy to hear from you always. Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Won't be retiring any time soon. Still doing planning and florals for events, however I do have to put that on hold for the time being.

I still read the threads of those I know, so I keep up to date with what is going on here.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I just finished the day off by locking myself out of the house - LOL

[Trish]

Arrgghhh locking yourself out the house! Don't ya hate that!

I was just at the vet and when we left my damn car door opener beeper thingamy would not work! My own fault, it has been a bit dodgy on occasion last month or so but would always eventually open the door!

So there is me and Flynn, out on the street outside the vets, can't get in the car!! Luckily the car dealership was only a couple of blocks down the road so we walked down and they changed the battery!! Embarrassing :o They were nice and let him come inside where they all came to pet him! :)

Have a nice evening Judi! x

[spdd]

I just acted the dumb blonde part, the neighbour got his ladder and climbed up on the garage roof. I had a window open, but unfortunately we had to rip the screen to get in. I tried that window once and I couldn't fit - LOL - but he did. Difference between female and male anatomy for sure. Dog welcomed him with open arms as he came down the stairs to open the front door and let me in... obviously Keesh isn't much protection now that I'm alone in the house. He LOVES everyone, no matter who they are or what direction of the house they approach him.

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
You need to stop running around working and write a book. You are too funny, and I would buy it!! I hope you leave a window or something cracked to get into or hide a key outside under a rock. I am happy that you are both ok and getting along that is what counts! Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Either I'm losing it or Keesh grew wings. I was outside on a ladder changing a light bulb and Keesh was on the lawn. Low and behold a #$%^ rabbit was right there on my front lawn so I chased it away.. or so I thought. This thing is fearless. It's mate I found dead at the side of my house with literally a skeleton left. The cats in the neighbourhood had a feast in my yard. That's another story all on it's own when I discovered that, ( literally pushed the gas lawn mower into the fence and ran cause it looked like a dinosaur skeleton) (a kodak moment for sure ) anyway I came inside for a second to grab a broom to sweep the moths away that had accumulated in the outside light. ( No wonder it kept blowing bulbs LOL) -and then saw the rabbit run across the road when I got back outside. I couldn't find Keesh anywhere, searched under the hedge, went across the street to where the rabbit went, and then panic set in. All I could think about was a semi-senile dog off wandering. I came inside and there was the little bugger at the door looking at me wondering what the hell all the ruckus was about and where had I been. I do NOT have a clue how that dog made it across the lawn, especially up the walkway and stairs and into the house on not only his own steam, but even got into the house without me passing him. It was literally seconds I was inside the house and very hard to miss him coming in. Does living alone cause these moments?? !! LOL - cause that's 2 in 2 days something out of the ordinary has happened.
We couldn't go swimming today, got him all geared up and then we couldn't go in the water. Keesh has an anal wart :eek: and it was bleeding so we had to cancel. Never a dull moment !

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
You are really having some strange happenings there! Keesh has his Mojoe back!! He is the come back kid. Too bad he could not swim. I bet he looks forward to that. Darn wort, is there some way to get rid of it? Does it bleed often? What a nuisance for that baby boy. Bad weather here, Tipper is in the closet and thunder and lightening like every few seconds, and sheets of rain. Stay safe. Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Hi Patti... the vet said it wasn't an issue when she saw it. I don't think it's changed, but it could have been my fault. I clean his back end before we head out for swimming and I could have possibly rubbed too hard. This is the first time I've noticed it bleed. The therapist wanted to call the vet immediately - and I'm thinking sheesh, it's just a wart. I'll keep an eye on it the next couple of days. It stopped almost immediately, and it actually could have been the therapist that did it, cause she cleans his rear end too. Another kodak moment. He sees anything that resembles a wipe or paper towel coming towards him and it's an immediate sit down completely on his bum with his hind legs stretched out under his belly.:D
It's overcast with a slight drizzle here, but no storms. Hope your storms pass quickly for Tippers sake.

[molly muffin]

Well Judi, you certainly do have exciting things going on over there.

Keesh is just amazing in what he can do when he wants to I think. He just has you wrapped around his paw. LOL Just kidding (i've seen him lose his backend, it's for real), he is pretty amazing though.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
Oh poor Keesh, he is just like Tipper, as soon as you get a wipe in your hand Tipper shows her teeth at you!. What is it with these dogs they don't want their bums or feet touched? Hope his wort clears up. Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Hi Judi:
I am building an Ark down here so if you and Keesh want aboard let me know!! Nothing but storms and rain, our yard is a lake. The dogs are up to their you know whats to go potty. Hope you are having it better up there. Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
Hey where is my comic relief today?? What are you two up to now? Hope that wart healed enough for Keesh to go swimming. My dog can take a swim right out in the yard there is so much water!! Blessings
patti

[goldengirl88]

Hi Judi:
I hope all is well and that Keesh has resumed swimming?? We are having rain again, but I am at least glad it is not storming. This has been a really bad summer with all this rain, we have so many mosquitoes here, how about you? I know when I went to Ontario as a child they had some big enough to carry you away!! Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Hi Patti.. Keesh won't have his first swim now until Thurday, therapist took a few days off. He's doing just about the same. Seems to get skinnier every day, but as determined as ever. Still up the stairs at night for bed with me helping him in his harness... that's mah boy.
It's been hot and muggy here, so I'm staying indoors and just about have the house ready to list. Another 2-3 days if my energy is there and then it's on the market.
Glad you are having a few good days with your little troopers. Take care Patti...promise I'll think of something funny soon, I'm just too exhausted these last few days.

[goldengirl88]

Judi:
That's ok no need to worry about posting. Just do what you have to to get your house listed. I bet you are worn out! Take so time to realax when you finish. Maybe a mini vacation with Keesh?? Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Hey Judi, Hope the worst of the house stuff will be over with soon and you'll have some real "me" time for you and Keesh.

Just know we're thinking of you gf!

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[spdd]

You guys are all soooooooo sweet. What a great bunch on here.

[Meg_Elizabeth]

You guys are all soooooooo sweet. What a great bunch on here.

That's why we're here... We're all in this together :)

[goldengirl88]

Hi Judi:
Hope you are getting all your last minute touches to the house finished so you can try and enjoy part of the summer with Keesh the wonder dog. Blessings
Patti

[spdd]

Well real estate agent will be here next week to take the series of pics and it will officially be on the market. I can't ever remember being so exhausted, every bone in my body aches and so help me I will never, ever get put in this position ever again. Still have to tear up and lay the front walkway properly but most of the other big stuff is done. Karma doesn't apply to me, cause no one helped, and I am finding it really difficult to tend to Keesh's needs when all this is going on, plus I'm selling it myself through Comfree, so the real problems are just beginning such as removing runners that look like crap when someone comes to see the house and keeping Keesh out of the way somehow.
Anyway.... enough about me. Keesh is hanging in, still walking 3 times a day and climbing the stairs. He is going to outlast me, hands down. Started up our very last series of 5 therapy swims which will take us into August, then unfortunately I just cannot pay for them anymore. Looking to move to Elliot Lake possibly or west of Peterborough for those Ontario folk that know the area. Anyway still popping in to see how everyone is doing.... take care guys and your furbabies, I'll write again in a few weeks.

[molly muffin]

Yikes Judy, you don't like the snow and ice! I admit Elliot Lake is pretty and all, but for a gal who is not all that fond of winter, that area gets hit pretty good!

I know you must be exhausted. Hopefully you'll get a buyer quickly.

Keesh, well, he's like the energizer bunny, just keeps on going. I am going to go into shock if anything ever happens to him!

You take care of yourself. No good getting run down!

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Judi,

How are things in your world? I think of you and Keesh daily.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[spdd]

Hi Leslie and the rest of the gang. I am finally done with getting the house ready and it is officially up for sale. Bittersweet to say the least.

My wonder boy is doing well. He has dropped though another 3 pounds so he is down to 55 lbs. I am really hoping that it's his 3 walks a day and his swimming that is keeping him slim, but that would be wishful thinking on my part. I had to adjust his harness a few days back so thought I'd check his weight.... rather saddened me a bit.

I help him up and down the stairs, but just 2 days ago, I ran upstairs for something re real estate and didn't block the stairs, then I heard this noise. Thought he might be trying to get up the stairs, but he fooled me. He was already more then half way up and when he saw me stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to go back down. Amazing is what he is.

I am taking him on Tuesday to get his little bum wart checked. I think it is now a cyst, but haven't a clue what they can do about it. It doesn't bother him however I can't clean his rear end to go swimming without causing some small amount of bleeding, so better see if anything can be done.

I love him to pieces, but if he doesn't keep his mouth shut he could clear a room or rooms. Don't know if it's his organs or his teeth, but either way he can't have anesthetic so I have to live with "old smeller." The weirdest thing is though, as soon as he hits that warm salt water for his swim therapy, his breath is fine, even the therapist lets him give her loads of kisses, and there isn't a vet anywhere that can tell us why that happens, however that's what leads me to believe it's his organs and not so much his teeth. Soon as he gets out very shortly after about 15 minutes the smell is back. Don't know which end is worse. :eek:

His appetite is still good, but cannot waiver the least in any of his food or it sets off the runs. Guess his poor old tummy can't handle anything different anymore.

I do pop in here once in awhile.... but still find it difficult to read so many of your fur babies issues right now. I know I'm on borrowed time with "mah boy" and want to stay as positive as I possibly can at present.

[addy]

Sending lots of love to you both. Staying positive is important for you and Keesh, thanks for checking and letting us know you are both ok.

Sorry about your house being officially "for sale". I know that bittersweet feeling too.:o:o:o

Love the fact Keesh is still swimming.:D:D:D

[molly muffin]

Yes, I agree, trying to be as positive as possible is the best thing that you can do, not just for Keesh but for yourself too. There is just an awful lot going on in your life these days.

Sending big hugs to you and a belly rub and ear rub to Keesh
Sharlene and molly muffin

[spdd]

Had Keesh's growth removed yesterday. It was ulcerated. They just froze his little butt and took it off. They didn't call it a cyst nor wart, just a growth. I did NOT have it sent out for analysis. He has 2 stitches that can be removed in 2 weeks or will dissolve in about a month. No antibiotics but a cream that needs to be applied 2-3 times a day.

He has dropped another pound in less then a week. Down now to 54 lbs.

[doxiesrock912]

Judicial,
I have never heard of such a thing as swimming affecting the smell of breath. Could he be ingesting some of the water? What a mystery!

Dogs get all kinds of lumps and growths as they age. I'm glad that they could remove it without much trouble.

I know all about moving and house improvements etc. I also know how it is when no one helps!

[molly muffin]

Awww, glad you had the growth removed so it didn't end up causing him any problems.

At least he is losing slowly so that is good news.

Hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[spdd]

Well "mah boy" is skinnier and scrawnier then ever, keep tightening his harness, but his constitution is unwavering. Eats like a champ, walks 3-4 times a day, interested in everyone and everything and does his nightly 10-12 hour sleep. His hip bones are sticking out, yet it's hard to tell with all his fur.
Yesterday he couldn't find me, I thought he saw me go to the basement. Again, all on his own he plodded up the main stairs to the second floor looking for his Mommy, no slipping, sliding or stopping, and still every night up the stairs he goes to bed.
Stitches never bothered him a bit, so I'm just going to let them dissolve and tomorrow it's back to swimming for his last 3 sessions.
No luck selling the house, so everything is still in limbo which is pretty stressful and I find myself losing it at times, but guess that's to be expected. So we plod along here and enjoy each day as it comes, and to think over a year ago, they not only misdiagnosed him but wanted to put him down.

[molly muffin]

Amazing isn't it. Here you are a year later and here Keesh is too. Still doing his thing. He's a pretty amazing boy and you're pretty amazing too.

Drat on not selling the house yet. :( I know you want this whole episode over with. Hopfully it will go soon!

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[spdd]

Just catching everyone up.
Keesh is now down to 51 lbs. He's skin and bone literally. He goes to sit down and the bones on each side of his tail are sticking out so badly not only does his hair stick straight out, but you can hear the thud when he sits. His hip bones are also sticking out just above his tail. Now after saying that, he still goes for 3 walks a day, climbs the stairs with help, eats well and does his daily constitutional regularly and without issues. I was feeding him cottage cheese as a treat but it gives him the runs, so we stick strictly to his kibble, roll and some chicken or beef thrown in. Hydro therapist said to try a scrambled egg as well, but I haven't done that yet. He still is swimming once a week and no change in hearing, eyesight or enthusiasm. Sleeps 10-12 hours a night without an accidents, so I really am blessed.
The house has a conditional offer on it, with move out in about a month. It has been an horrendous 5 months to say the least.
There are so many new people on here, I say welcome to you, and it's unfortunate really that there are so many new members, cause that means their babies all have issues.
I will keep in touch as always, as "mah boy" continues on this journey of his.

[molly muffin]

Hi Judi! Great to hear from you! So Keesh keeps on being the wonder dog. Just keeps on trucking. That is wonderful. He sounds like he's doing pretty darn good over all even.

Hope the house goes through with the sell. Any idea yet where you will head off to after that? Please remember that you hate the cold and driving in snow and ice is not for you. LOL

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Junior's Mom]

Hi Judi, glad to hear Keesh is still doing well. I don't know if this is an issue with him, but one of my dogs kept losing weight. She was always pretty hyper, but after major changes in the household, she became more on edge. She was getting skinnier each month that passed. I was giving her the highest calorie, high quality kibble I could find. She went from 42lbs, down to 34lbs, even though she was eating more than her 55lb Mom. I had her checked for worms many times, and her bloodwork showed no abnormalities. Apart from the weight loss, she was perfectly healthy. She started getting so stressed when I was at work, that she would pant a puddle, and crap all over the floor. I discussed stress and anxiety being the issue, with the vet. We decided to try her on clomicalm. Within 2 weeks, she was no longer leaving a huge mess, and she had gained back 4 lbs. She is still on it, and has gained back all the weight she lost.
Perhaps, it's stress that is affecting Keesh? Just a thought for you.

[spdd]

Hi... there may be a little stress I am passing on to him unknowingly, but he is with me really 24-7. I can't even use the washroom without him making sure I'm where I'm supposed to be - LOL - I think it is just muscle wasting in his old age, but we have just under a month until he's 15....:D- I am going to try a little more fat in his diet and see if that works... it certainly does for me!!!!!:eek:

[doxiesrock912]

Hi Judi and Keesh,
He is truly amazing! Another treat to try is canned pumpkin from the baking aisle. Daisy loved it and it won't cause the runs. :-) Frozen green beans are fun too.

[spdd]

Hi Valerie. . I tried canned plain pumpkin and he wouldn't go near it, but you know Keesh's so called educated palate-it has to have a certain texture or he won't go near it. i.e absolutely no gravy or liquid of any kind in his kibble... LOL - he's too much. I will try the frozen green beans... he just might eat them. I'll let you know.
Got a place today to move to, and finally have something to look forward to. All should be much calmer around here now.

[spdd]

Happy Birthday to "mah boy" the wonder dog.... he is officially 15 yrs old, and hangin in. :):):):)

[Squirt's Mom]

:cool::cool::cool: Happy 15th Birthday, Keesh! :cool::cool::cool:

[molly muffin]

Omg. Keesh is the wonder dog! Happy Birthday Keesh. Belly robs and tickles all over!

Hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[Budsters Mom]

Oh what a guy! The Happiest of Birthdays Keesh! :p:p:p:):):):D:D:D

[My sweet Ginger]

How sweet!! The happiest birthday to you, Keesh! :D;):p:cool::):D:p;):cool::)

[addy]

My hopes for the BIGGEST, BESTEST BIRTHDAY EVER

[apollo6]

Happy Birthday, Keesh,you deserve the biggest dogie cake!
Sonja,Apollo
:D

[spdd]

This morning in 1/2 hour "mah boy" will cross over. I will write further when I can get my act together.

[labblab]

Oh Judi, I am so sorry. From this moment on, you and Keesh will be in my heart and my thoughts today. You both have your family here, right beside you, throughout every moment and in all places.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

With tears in our eyes and love in our hearts, we are right by your side, sweetie, holding both you and Keesh as tightly as we can.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Judi, we love you and Keesh so dearly. Stay strong and I hope knowing that he will be no longer in pain will comfort you in some way.
He truly has fought as long as he could with everything he has in him for you and him both.
Good bye, sweet Keesh. Gentle hugs and lots of kisses. Song.

[Junior's Mom]

Oh Judi, I'm so sorry to hear this. Keesh is a wonder dog, and we have all been lucky to have known him, through you.
He is forever grateful, for all the love you have shown him.
Tracey

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I am so sorry. It is just so final but I think your wonder dog knows how much you love him. hugs, Judi

[spdd]

At 9:15 "mah boy" crossed over...... the saddest thing I have ever done in my life.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Judi,

Sweet friend, I know your anguish right now but know your boy is free thanks to your love. Free from all his pain, free to be as he was meant to be. You have given him the greatest gift possible and I know he is so very grateful as he prances into the Rainbow Fields. You are a wonderful mom, Judi.

Please stay close; you have had a hard year with many losses, sweetie. We will be here anytime you need to talk.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Fox and all our Angels

[My sweet Ginger]

Im so sorry, Judi. I'm so sorry. Many hugs, Song.

[lulusmom]

Judi, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I so hope you can find some comfort and strength from the love of family and friends during this very difficult time. We'll always be here for you, Judi, and we will always honor Keesh's memory.

Godspeed handsome boy.

Glynda

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Judi,

I am so sorry to hear of Keesh's passing. :o He was such a trooper through it all. He has been welcomed by many fur Angels at the bridge. The wil watch out for him now.

Fly free sweet boy, fly free!

[pansywags]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You were so lucky to find each other.

[spdd]

I'm a blubbering mess. Just hated to see his name on the memory board. The vet in this new town was sooooo cold, when I asked her what happens next she literally said " just wait and I'll tell you." He had only seen her twice since we moved here 3 weeks ago, for acupuncture which actually I think made him worse.

I moved his things out of eyesight, and took the blanket out of the car, but it was just him and I for so long.... I really ache.

[Renee]

:( :(

I hate these posts. It's never, ever easy saying goodbye. And, a heartless vet is such a slap in the face.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sail on Keesh.

[addy]

What to say, how to say it, I never know, the hurt and pain is so real. I know it was just the two of you which makes it harder.

I am so, so very sorry. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, I think, that is right.

I am just so dang sorry.

[spdd]

I am going to go and get "mah boy" on Monday morning and take him personally to the cremation center. I can see him one more time and then witness the cremation as well as bring him home at the same time. If I left him where he is now, they wouldn't even come and get him until next Thursday, and that thought just destroys me.

[molly muffin]

Oh no Judi! I just now saw this. I'm a blubbering mess right along with you. :(

It isn't often on here that we get the honor of actually meeting and knowing the pups and people and when we do, well, it's really is an honor to have met the wonder dog Keesh.
I am so very very sorry that he has passed as he has the spirit of 10 keesh hounds and was just beautiful.
You and he kept going like the team you were. So many times, we though oh no, only for him to rebound, through your love and determination. You are and were the best mom ever to and for him.

Sending you lots of love, support and hugs, I know your heart is broken into a million pieces today.

love,

[Woodydog]

I'm so sorry Judi, I never know what to say in times like this but know you are in my thoughts

Run free 'mah boy' Keesh

[Trish]

Oh no Judi, so very sorry to read this news this morning. Keesh was surely the wonder dog, bouncing back time and time again. Such a strong boy, I have loved reading all the stories about him and greatly admired his and your determination to live a happy dog-worthy life, I hope you know you did good by him Judi. I am glad you will be able to bring him home, if we ever meet that vet is the street we will kick his butt good and proper so angry to read about his insensitivity, truly sucks in all ways.

Big hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dixie'sMom]

I am so sorry for your loss. It's never easy letting them go. I hope you take some comfort in knowing he is waiting for you at the bridge and you will be together again one day. I'll be keeping you close to my heart and in my prayers.

[spdd]

As the day progressed, I am actually getting worse. It is easier for me to pack up from this place then to unpack. Even though we were both here only 2 1/2 weeks and he settled in nicely, I don't want to stay here, and will look for somewhere else without the memories. He was glued to my side for months as I couldn't leave him alone, and being here now is just too much without him.
You can't help but feel a sense of betrayal especially this morning when he was excited to go in the car and I let him hang his head out the window for the last time. He was down to 47 pounds this morning but alert and still enthused about things. His body was just failing him terribly and he never would have survived even another walk in this snow and cold we have now. I'm lost completely as he was all I had and we went through the roughest times together only for me to lose him so quickly after our move. I donated his harness before I left the vets office, but kept his leash. I will ask for a paw print on Monday and will have his favorite treats (canine carry outs) and his blanket with him when cremated.
He never ceased to amaze though. Just got a new vehicle a week ago and I had to lift him in and out. It was no easy feat for him but somehow he managed 3 times to crawl into the front seat and when I came back to the car, there he was sitting as proud as could be in the drivers seat once and in the passenger seat twice. I have no idea how he managed it, but he did. That was "mah boy"showing once again what a wonder dog he was.

[jas77450]

I am new here and didn't know your Keech but I know the pain and am soooo sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers.

[molly muffin]

Judi. Hugs. I wish there was something to say to help.

Have you thought about taking some time andaybe going down to Florida or something?

Keesh was the wonder dog. Awesome on fact.

Hugs

[Robert]

So sorry for your loss. Keesh is looking down and I'm sure grateful you freed him. He is also with some mighty fine company including my tom and tam.

[mytil]

I am so very sorry to read of your loss. It is very hard to let them go. The ties that bind us will never be broken.

We will always remember your boy here.
((((hugs))))
Terry

[spdd]

Normal people don't kill - and because I had him put down I can't get over the horrendous feeling I killed something I loved deeply. That is what is eating me up and reduces me to a crying wreck. The betrayal I am feeling I'm sure will send me over the edge. He didn't know that was his last car ride or his last meal. I used to have dreams that I couldn't find Keesh, or he was lost and I'd wake up with tears over the stupid dream then look to see him laying beside me. Last night I woke up and he wasn't there, and won't ever be again. With the shape I am in, I think I'm going to have to have grief counselling. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had someone around, but there is nobody here at all, and I'm trying to cope but doing a terrible job of it.

[Squirt's Mom]

aw Judi, my heart breaks for you. What you are feeling is perfectly normal but if you think you need help, by all means get it. You just lost your baby yesterday and there is no pain in the world like that, none. :( It seemed all I could after Squirt left was cry and scream, just throw my head back and scream. I woke up screaming over and over, tears having soaked my pillow. When I could get out of bed I just roamed the house with no purpose or thought, just crying and wanting my Sweet Bebe back in my arms one more time, one more.

I know that feeling of betrayal as well. Logically there is no way Squirt could have held on, her little body was done and could take no more....but a part of me still thinks I killed her, I took her out of this life on my terms not hers, that I stole time from her, that I denied her one more sunrise. But that is not true of either of us - we didn't do our babies wrong, Judi, even tho it sure feels that way. I couldn't let her starve to death and that is what would have happened. You couldn't have let Keesh keep going, his body failing by the minute. We spared them from days full of suffering, honey.

Now it is up to us to carry this unbelievable anguish fueled by a love that can never be repeated. One of our old members who recently passed herself posted this after her baby Crossed and I have held on to it with an iron fist, reading it over and over.

"On this side of The Bridge, time is painful, but it gives me a chance to live and love on."

And she did, fighting cancer herself, Jeanne lived and loved on. I tell myself to be as strong as Jeanne and I will make it to another day. So far, I have and you will too.

But today is still so very, very raw for you. Grieve as you need, Judi, and know you are not alone, not for one second. At rare moments you will feel us surrounding you, holding your head to our shoulder, gentle hands holding yours, our tears mingling as one.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[labblab]

Dear Judi,

My heart aches upon reading your post this morning. I want to repeat some words to you that I had written some time ago to another dear member who felt tortured by the same self-questioning. Here they are...

I am a frequent victim of the "What if's," myself, and know how much pain the self-doubts can bring. However, I'm hoping that with time, you may come to believe that *not* releasing Keesh would have been just as much an intervention as peacefully sending him off. In nature, a sick and compromised animal would not survive and the death might be a cruel one. It is our tender care that allows the sick and the aged to continue on, far beyond the time they would have survived on their own in the wild. So that is actually an intervention too, in it's own right. For that reason, I do believe we owe it to our furbabies to weigh the good days and bad days, the pain and the comfort. When the scales have tipped too far, we have been granted the grace to trade one intervention for another. I do not believe you killed Keesh. I believe you stopped unnaturally prolonging his life in the face of all his losses. On that last morning and during that final car ride, he had no knowledge nor fear of what was to come. You shielded him from that pain and instead bore the pain yourself. During every moment of Keesh's life, you held him in loving care. Including the moment of passage when his spirit was released. You granted him peace in that moment, and that was the final gift that was in your ability to bestow.

Marianne

[addy]

Oh Judi, just know we all care so much and understand. When I lost Zoe, I just wanted to leave this house, go as far away as I could, take my Koko and start new. The only thing that kept me going those first months was the picture in my head of moving to an old brownstone building downtown in our old neighborhood and how Koko and I would ride in the elevator and go to the park across the street.

But you dont have a Koko and I cant imagine how hard it must be for you to be alone now in a new place with Keesh.

Funny thing- Judi- is now nine months later, we went to see that old brownstone, it was nothing like I remembered from years ago and it is now hard to picture living there.

And somehow, now, I instead am having a hard time thinking about leaving this home, the home I shared with my little girl.

I guess the reason I share these thoughts with you is to say sometimes how we feel right after a loss, changes. Maybe that is why grief counseling suggest not making any major changes after experiencing the death of a loved one.

As for the betrayed part, I know we can tell you that isn't true. It may take you awhile though, to come to terms with it. Maybe every time you start those thoughts, distract yourself from them.

My heart goes out to you, Judi. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[labblab]

I think what Addy just wrote to you is so wise. It is so true -- "knowing" something in your head doesn't necessarily change your feelings at all. Even after what I wrote to you above, there are still days when I feel as though I somehow tricked my beloved Barkis on the morning that we took him to his final vet visit. That I let him down. That we didn't try hard enough to save him. But Addy's wisdom is so true. Over time, the balance can change as can the feelings.

I think grief counseling can be a really good idea. Especially a support group might be a help; meeting with some other folks who are also hurting right now. If you are interested, here's a link to a thread here that might give you some help in finding a group.

Where to Find Help When You're Hurting (http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171)

Marianne

[Tina]

Judi,
I am so sorry and so incredibly sad to read about Keesh. I couldn't even bring myself to post last night after I read the news. And now tears are streaming down my face again this morning as I read your latest post. Your words about Keesh not knowing that it was his last car ride, or his last meal just brought me back immediately to losing my Dakota almost 7 years ago. I vividly remember thinking those exact same things, word for word. Those thoughts bothered me so much, I almost couldn't get past them. But with time, I came to the frame of mind where, as painful as it was, I was grateful that she didn't know or have to worry about those things. The crushing burden was on me, and she was spared that.

And like you, I was all alone. No family in town, and no friends who really understood or could help. Facing the most horrible decision and absolutely the most horrible day of my life completely and utterly alone. I wish I had some words for you that would help ease the pain, or some insight on how I made it. I honestly don't know how I made it through. But somehow I did. And you will too. I want you to know that I totally and completely understand how you feel. I know that everybody handles things and grieves differently, but just from what you've posted so far, I feel like we are quite similar Judi. I will share that I did end up going to a pet loss support group several months later, which did help a lot. Right now everything is so raw, but you might consider something like that when you feel up to it. I found mine through our local Humane Society, and the facilitator was a licensed mental health practitioner who specialized in grief and loss, including pet loss.

Since joining this forum and making friends here, I have often thought that I wish I would have been a part of something like this way back when I lost my girl. It would have helped so much. I know I would not have felt so isolated and all alone. Just the fact of knowing that there are other people just like me, whose pets are their life, and who completely understand the devastation of the loss. I believe that the support available here is unmatched. We are all here for you Judi. Even though you feel it, you are not alone. My heart is breaking for you, I understand how devastating this is. I am so sorry for your loss. You took such wonderful care of Keesh and always did what was best for him at all times. And you have done what was right for him now by giving him peace. Huge supportive hugs for you.

Tina xo

[jas77450]

Judi, my heart goes out to you! I am struggling with the exact same thoughts as I put my Cosmo down on Oct 3, a little over a month ago.
The last car ride...what if...woulda, shoulda, coulda. But one member reminded me that if things were done differently the outcome may have been worse. I couldn't bear watching him starve and decline like he was. There was no hope of him getting better, his time had come. Another said "my head told me one thing but my heart told me another". They were so right, out hearts never want to let them go but out of our love for them we don't want them to suffer so we make the heart wrenching decision to release them from their pain and suffering. It's still hard as I cried reliving all of it after reading your post. The first weeks were the hardest. While it is still hard, I am starting to remember him in his wellness and not just that horrible last month. Everything is so raw for you, being alone I'm sure makes it even harder. I can't imagine going through it alone but we are all here for you, holding your hand, walking through this with you.
In that final act of love, you did what was best for your precious Keesh.
Sending love and prayers, Jenny

[spdd]

I'm just wondering if any of you got physically sick to your stomach. I think part of this is the way not only I was treated, but Keesh as well. He was left on the floor, and that completely broke me. I can't get that image out of my mind. I try to eat, but can't, took a gravol, but I'm sick to my stomach. I have grieved before about people, but never got physically sick.

[labblab]

My Cushpup, Barkis, was my first dog and the only dog I've lost so far. When he died, there was a rawness and intensity to my grief that I have never experienced before or since. It was different than my grief over beloved humans in my life. It is hard to explain, and not something I even try to explain to very many people outside of our family here. I'm afraid most people would think there is something very wrong with a person who grieves more over her dog than her human family and dearest friends.

But the grief was different and I physically ached. I think a big part is because my relationship with Barkis was just pure love. There were absolutely no complications like there are with humans. And he was such a comfort to me whenever anything else was wrong in my life. When he died, I didn't have my Barkis to hold and hug to give me comfort. I had no place to put my grief other than to turn it inward and oh, how it hurt. I felt desperate from it hurting so much.

This is an awful day for you, Judi. And sadly, I know there will be more awful days to come. But please just keep coming back and talking to us. Our eyes and ears are different from Keesh's, but we will do our very best to understand in the way that humans do. We will do our very best to help now that he is gone.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Yes, I did and still do when I think of that last morning and how badly the shots hurt her. It wasn't from lack of compassion but that her little veins were in such bad shape. If she had been mistreated in any way, oh how much that would hurt me now. I am so so sorry you and Keesh weren't shown the compassion and respect you both deserved, Judi, just so sorry.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Judi, I'm so heart broken and crying for you and sweet Keesh.
I'm just astounded and disgusted with your new vet for her total lack of sensitiveness especially as someone who took an oath to care for and respect animals. I don't know what will make you feel better over this hurt. What an unfortunate turn of event that was so heartlessly thrown at you in your most vulnerable moments. I know you are hurting so much about the way sweet Keesh was treated with no amount of respect by your vet and I'm so sorry that it happened the way it did. I will never understand minds of those.

[addy]

In the beginning, I could not get the images of Zoe's final last day out of my mind. The images played over and over again, haunting and hurting. Every part of me hurt, I had a pain in my chest, it was awful Judi.

I think the horror, no matter how it plays out, is still a horror for us and yes it can make us physically ill.

I am so sorry those last hours were so hard and that the clinic was so uncaring. Yet, even had they been caring, I think you would still feel physically ill.

How could you not? Keesh was your life and his memory will always be your life.

I started a memory chest for Zoe after I picked up her ashes. Maybe starting a memory chest for Keesh, a place for him to come home to will help you.

I did not feel better until Zoe came home, until I brought her ashes home.

This pain and loss is so new for you. We all grieve differently. Just know we are here to talk to you and to love and understand.

[spdd]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I think and hope that seeing him again on Monday although I'm sure he won't look good, will help me a little. Depending on the time they give me with him, I will clip his hair, brush him hopefully and have a couple of his favorite treats put in with his ashes. I just got told they will give him to me in a garbage bag... I sure hope that isn't the case, cause they left him on the floor as if he was. I went hysterical a couple of hours ago and called his daddy to share what I feel were the horrible details. At the end of the conversation all I could say was " my poor boy." then I just crumpled. I also think you are right in saying that once I have him home with me, I will hopefully feel a little better.

[Dixie'sMom]

Judi,I have a story to tell you but I will have to come back tonight to do it. My kids and grands are here and just ran to the store for a moment and I was just popping in for a moment. I did want to tell you right away, that YES, it is normal to feel physically ill and you are going thru some shock, which is a physical reaction as well as some post traumatic stress symptoms. Hang in there honey and if you have a good doctor who could prescribe you a mild antidepressant or sedative to get you thru these tough days, there is no shame in that. Hugs and prayers coming your way and I'll be back later tonight.

[addy]

No shame at all if you need a sedative and don't be afraid to ask if you have a doctor whom you can talk to.

I'm glad you were able to share your feelings. I hope that helped a bit.

We are all so different so it is hard to know what to expect during the grieving process. I hope seeing Keesh again and combing him and getting him ready will help you. I know another member brought her beloved pup home before the cremation.

Right now I am trying to smile, picturing your boy swimming away; how Keesh loved to swim. I was always so happy when you would write about his swim therapy and how much Keesh enjoyed it and did not seem in pain.

hugs

[labblab]

Oh Judi, I believe I understand why it feels important to you to see Keesh on Monday and to take care of him one last time. But I am very worried that it is not a good idea. It would have been very different if you had been able to take him directly home with you yesterday. But his body will not be the same on Monday. They will have had to preserve it over the weekend and under these circumstances his body must be in a bag and it will be different. As hard as it was for you to see him as you left him on Friday, I think it will be much, much worse for you on Monday. I am afraid it is an image that will ruin your memory of Keesh.

I feel certain you can hand deliver any treats or special items to the people who will be cremating him, and they will make sure they are included when his body is prepared. But with the passage of these days over the weekend, I really hope you will allow Keesh's body to be transferred directly from the vet. I know of your yearning to hold him and touch him just one more time. But he is no longer there, Judi. His spirit is flying free.

Marianne

[My sweet Ginger]

'I just got told they will give him to me in a garbage bag... I sure hope that isn't the case, cause they left him on the floor as if he was.'

I sure hope that isn't the case but I wouldn't be so surprised if they do.
Bring Keesh's favorite blanket with you on Mon. morning and request at the front desk that someone bring Keesh to you in his blanket in a room where you can spend some time with him alone, just you and Keesh, one more time. Take your time with Keesh as long as you want even if you end up having to pay for the room.
Maybe there's a chance that they will learn about what being respectful is by your action and they will show the least amount of respect to someone next time.
Please, be kind to yourself and well as that's what Keesh would want for you and know that you can always talk to us, when you are sad, happy and hurt and angry. We will laugh and cry along with you. You are not alone Judi. We will always be here when you need somebody. Big hugs, Song.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

Hi Judi, I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I'm also very worried about you on Monday. He may very well be in a bag. Not from any disrespect, that is just what they do.

When we had my Mom cremated my Dad didn't want any special container so she came home in a little cardboard box.

I really hope you can find a way to focus on the happy times with Keesh. your last minutes of him were grueling and heart wrenching for you. But think how they must have been for him. You were there. He could smell you and feel your touch. He went to sleep knowing you were there loving him. He doesn't know or remember anything else. And that's how it should be.

you gave him the gift of no more pain and no possible excrutiating pain by making the tough choice you did. You know we had to do the same thing on Monday with my Jenny and even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done i'm at peace because she was in pain.

Tami from the diabetes forum had posted a thought process she used when her sweet Sydney was failing. Name 3 things that bring your dog joy and ask if he or she can still do them. Jenny was down to 1, eating, and being in pain and unable to handle the cold, my choice was made. The day I started thinking about it was the first day she really showed pain so I felt like that was my sign.

I hope you can share some of your happy Keesh memories. We all grieve in our own way but try to remember that no matter how awful you felt, what you saw, how cold the vet was, Keesh remembered you, his rock, there with him as he slipped into a pain free sleep.

big hugs and understanding. Judi

[Dixie'sMom]

Judi, I'm back and want to share a story with you But before I start, I just want to say that I hope it helps somewhat to see the group rally around you during this time of grief. They don't just sympathize with you, they actually feel your pain because they have lived it. You can tell through their writing that they have lived it. And, as someone else said, they got through it and you will too. But no, it's not easy. There are 2 stories that I could tell you but I've decided to share the most recent one which I have not discussed with anyone but my children and a few close friends.

About 6 years ago I developed a very rare autoimmune disease. During the diagnosis process and first year of treatment I was able to work, although with much difficulty. The day came that I was unable to work any longer and I went out on long-term disability. I lived in a house with a large yard and full basement and it became beyond my ability to keep the yard up and the house clean. (I'm divorced so no hubby to help). My washer and dryer was in the basement and I also became unable to navigate the stairs. So I moved into a nice, but somewhat older, much smaller place where the yard work is done for me. I still have a huge yard for the grandkids and pups (on leash only, no fence). It is also financially easier on me since I live on disability pay. (Now through Social Security). It was devastating and a long and grueling process losing my independence, my salary as a network administrator and, in general, my whole identity. But the most painful thing of all was that I had 3 dogs, whereas, I now only have 2. I was able to bring my 2 small girls with me but I could not bring my shepherd mix, Tucker. Long story short, Tucker went to my brothers to live on a 60 acre farm where he could run free. I felt like I had failed him, but felt that they could give him a life that was a dog's dream. Due to a serious rift (and I mean really, really serious), my family has become fractured and divided and I no longer felt comfortable going to visit Tucker unless no one was home. I did visit as often as I could, with their knowledge, but as I cannot drive anymore, it was at times a long stretch between visits, but I never stopped thinking about him or caring about him for a moment. And I never stopped feeling like I had failed him because he couldn't come with us. You know, people post all these facebook things about how adopting a pet is forever and you should never move and not take your pet, etc. And those things really, really hurt, but those people have never had to live in survival mode so they really don't know what they would do and wouldn't do.

This past summer, I had the overwhelming urge to take Tucker a sack of dog food. It nagged me for about 10 days and I kept trying to shake it because if I had taken a bag of dog food up there, it would have been misconstrued as to my motives. Like I doubted their ability to care for him properly or some such as that. At about the 10 day mark, my sister in law called me to tell me that Tucker had died and they weren't sure what happened to him. That he had been eating sticks and dirt and just didn't wake up that morning. She said he had been depressed and wondered if he had grieved himself to death over us. I said all of the proper things like "Thank you for caring for him as long as you did", "Thanks for calling, etc." I didn't ask any questions which again, would have been misconstrued and they would have immediately jumped to the conclusion that I think they did something wrong when they were only trying to help me and Tucker, blah, blah, blah..

I am haunted every single day by what happened to my precious Tucker who was a beautiful, gentle giant who never even growled at a living soul or another animal. He honestly was the most gentle animal I have ever encountered in my life. And I'm devastated by the possibility that with their new St. Bernard, my dog may have starved to death. He was so nonaggressive, that he would not have eaten one bite of food unless he felt it was ok. Haunted. I believe I will forever be haunted that I failed this precious soul who never wanted anything from anyone but to be loved. I keep telling myself that he probably had a darn stick in his gut, but that doesn't comfort me any, because if they had just called me when he started not feeling good, the money would have been there to get him to the vet and treated and possibly saved his life. I don't believe he grieved himself to death. I believe he was sick or starving. IF only, IF only, IF ONLY....

So yes, honey. We all understand the gut wrenching agony that you are feeling and we truly will stick by you until you feel better. I think bringing Keesh's ashes home will help you. My friend lost her husband and she takes his ashes everywhere she goes with her. In the car, out to eat, vacations, etc. In restaurants, Rick's urn sits right in the middle of the table. So you do what brings you peace and comfort and know that others here are right by your side and we believe you did the right thing and made no mistakes. Your shitty vet - yeah, there's a special place for folks like him in hell. But you did everything you could and then some and you acted out of pure love for your boy. Keesh loves you and is proud of you and is waiting just over the bridge. One day you will be together again.

[molly muffin]

{{{Judi}}} I think it is very natural to feel physically ill at not only the treatment of you and Keesh, but the loss itself which is completely devastating. The two of you were a pair that's for sure and had an amazing bond. I know I saw it. There isn't anything that you wouldn't and didn't do to make his life as great as possible and make no mistake it was pretty darn great.
A grief group would probably be a good idea and a stop at the GP's to get something to help you get some rest wouldn't be too much either.
I didn't even get out of bed for 2 days, other than to go to the bathroom and then back to bed after Tasha passed. It wasn't just the loss of her, which was devastating enough, it was also the loss of the entire life we lived together since she was 6 weeks old. The travel, the fun, the walks, the escape artist, who was once brought home in the back seat of a cop car. That dog was my everything, her and my cat Tipsy, they passed within months of each other. It was terrible. Sick, throwing up, crying endlessly, been there.
Every time I read one of your posts, I just cry, because my heart hurts for you so much. Words won't make it all better, but they will let you know that there are people out here in this big wide world who care about you, who care about Keesh and the loss you are going through.

big hugs and love my friend

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,
I'm crying hard as I read this! I am so so sorry, and I know how it feels to not want to stay in the last place where Keesh was as we bought a house and were literally standing in the front doorway when the specialist called to say that Daisy Mae suddenly passed. I can still remember screaming/crying after they asked if I wanted them to continue CPR and I had to make that heartbreaking decision.

Tell Keesh to watch out for Miss Daisy because she doesn't realized that she's small.

Be grateful that Keesh was still himself right until the end.

Hugs!!!

[spdd]

Yesterday I tried to busy myself, went to the hardware store to buy a furnace filter and walked around like a zombie. Cried all the way home. I spoke to my son and he agrees that me taking Keesh to the crematorium is not possibly a good idea, but I think I have prepared myself for what shape he will be in. It honestly doesn't matter how he looks, I just get to be with him one more time, even though I know he's actually not there. I will post about the experience for those interested in a couple of days.
I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful you all are. I haven't posted much in the last few months as I knew Keesh's time was coming quicker then I wanted, and I was selfish trying to avoid all issues pertaining to other people's babies problems as I figured I had enough of my own. I regret that now. Everyday with Keesh since July 2013 when they wanted to put him down was a huge bonus, and I know that.... but you wish there had been more.... however reality is that he did live very long for a dog his size, and he did have the best life ever. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and the genuine care and love that is portrayed on this forum. I've never heard or met of a greater group of people and I mean that sincerely.

[My sweet Ginger]

Big hugs with many tears. Song.

[spdd]

Just went to the candles page to light a candle.... lost it again, but what a great way to pay tribute to our babies. If interested it's under JK

[addy]

I'm glad you found the candle tributes. It is so comforting to light a candle and reflect.

How are things going today? Did you maange to get some sleep?

[spdd]

I took a couple of generic gravol last night about 1 1/2 hours apart with a cup of tea and was able to get some sleep. This morning I was really bad, but seem to be doing ok this afternoon and evening. Just like everyone else the emotions come flooding all of a sudden and you are a crying wreck. After tomorrow things will settle down a bit and hopefully I can start to reflect on good times and not the last few days memories.

[molly muffin]

I very much hope that is true. Every day will be a different day, emotions and grief, well, they all have their own time tables and way of popping out when least expected.

Sending you hugs and know that I am thinking of you and Keesh,

[Spiceysmum]

So sorry to hear about Keesh, my thoughts are with you today.
Linda

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,
don't rush it. Everyone grieves differently but in order to heal, you must go through the whole process. I still am but it does get better and over time, the good memories are more abundant than those near the end.

Hugs.

[mytil]

Judi,

My heart is certainly with you. I completely understand you wanting to pick up Keesh and drive him - I did the same as it was something I needed to do. I did have someone go with me for the support I knew I was going to need - hopefully you will have someone with you as well.

Please stay with us.
Terry

[spdd]

I just put his blanket, treat ball, teddy, duck and tennis ball in the car for his last ride in Mommy's car.
Shattered doesn't even come close as to what I feel right now.

[addy]

thinking of you on this very hard day

[Squirt's Mom]

Many hugs, dear lady. You are not alone today, remember that. We are all right there with you every second of the day. If you need us, reach out, any time.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Judi, I can only imagine how you feel this morning.
Our Keesh won't be cold and all alone anymore surrounded by his Teddy, duck, treat ball and tennis ball in his warm blanket.
How many times do we hear many members saying they want to see their baby one more time? It will do your heart good, Judi even though it's Keesh that isn't carrying his spirit anymore. RIP Keesh. We love you and miss you.
Many hugs, Song.

[labblab]

Me too, I'm here too. Holding you both in my thoughts, and hoping so much that this day will bring you some peace, Judi.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Thinking of you, Judi. (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) )

[Tina]

Me too Judi, thinking of you and Keesh. Big Hugs...

Tina

[molly muffin]

Right here Judi, checking in to see how you are doing.

hugs

[My sweet Ginger]

Thinking about you and Keesh in tears. I'm so sorry, Judi.
We are all around you, you are not alone. Hugs, Song.

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,

I understand completely!!!!

We also picked Daisy up and held a funeral service that night at my father's home. I just couldn't leave her at Cornell.
I let the cats be with her so that they would know what happened. It is important for other pets to have closure too.

I do not regret bringing her back home and holding her.

Love and hugs.

[Robert]

Thinking of and praying for you and Keesh

[Dixie'sMom]

I'm here too Judi. Thinking of you and Keesh and sending prayers of comfort and peace your way.

[spdd]

"Mah boy" is home. This cremation center for animals was absolutely fabulous and they treated Keesh as if they were the only pet that was ever there. I did get to see him after I asked them to make sure he was ok.. and it was the most peaceful, darling baby boy I will always remember. Far, far better then the memory left with me on Friday. He had his treat ball, duck, tennis ball and teddy with him at the very end. If anyone wants to know the details, feel free to pm me or ask away. They even had a pillow for him.... he looked as if he had just gone to sleep. I know there will be more rough days ahead, but this was one of the best decisions I made even though I was 2nd guessing myself in my grief. Even the bed they provided for him looked so comfortable. He even looked younger.....
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, emails and messages in the last few days. I so very much appreciate the bond you have shown me and the genuine care that is portrayed. What a marvellous bunch you guys are. Keesh and I both love you all for being so genuine and thoughtful.

[labblab]

Judi, I am flooded with gratitude for your experience today. Now I can start breathing again, myself, and I can fill my own mind's eye with these images of peace and comfort.

Thank you so very much for coming right back to tell us. It means the world to your and Keesh's family here.

Continuing hugs to you, Judi.
Marianne

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Judi, my eyes are all red and puffy from crying over you and sweet Keesh today but right now I'm crying for a different reason. I'm just so relieved that your horrible last memory of of Keesh from last Fri. has been replaced by today's loving, caring and respectable treatment by the very caring people at the cremation center. I'm so glad you got to see him looking as good and peaceful as he did today.
I think a part of the reason I get so emotional over Keesh's passing and your heart wrenching grief is that I'm subconsciously thinking about what's to come in our way with my baby who will be 15 on Dec. 23rd.

I really appreciate you giving us this update on our sweet Keesh. I hope you can get some much needed rest tonight after a really rough few days for you. Hugs, Song.

[spdd]

I know how you feel about the trepidation of our pets getting older. I could hardly come on here at all knowing his time was approaching so I give you so much credit reading all about others and offering such support when you know yourself that time marches on. Kudos to you.

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh Judi, I am so glad today went so well for you and that you now have memories you can treasure. What lovely people to be so good to him and to you. What a blessing! And thank you for sharing.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I'm so glad it was a good experience. I've been thinking of you and Keesh today.

[My sweet Ginger]

I loved reading about the wondrous things our wonder boy did. Some of the things he did were really wondrous to me and how about his swimming? I'm so glad you took him for swimming as long as you did.
He sounded like really enjoyed his swimming. All those stories warmed my heart so much each time I read them.

Well, Ginger doesn't do a lot so I don't have many stories to tell except for that one time when she came upstairs all by herself feeling as weak and unstable as she was. I still don't know how she managed it without falling. I think she was driven by her sheer determination to be with me. I almost had a heart attack when I saw her upstairs when she should be downstairs. Around that time I was actually thinking about removing the dog gate that was at the bottom of the stairs thinking there's no way she can come upstairs on her own anymore so yes, the gate is still there today.

I wish I had more in-depth knowledge on cushings because I can find time in my retirement but sadly I don't so I try be helpful where I can with my very limited experience that only comes from caring for Ginger. Im so thankful for many of our dedicated and very knowledgeable and experienced admins and members guiding us all when we need help and advice that have to come from real experiences and not only from the text books.

[addy]

Dont sell yourself short,Song.;);):):):)

Judi, I peeked in during work and was so happy to read hat everything turned out for you and that good memories can erase those awful ones and I hope today can help you find some peace.

I know my mind has a better image now. I know it seems odd to think we are so affected by humans and dogs we have never met but we are. When one of us falls, we all fall. It has always been that way here on the forum.

Thank goodness we all have this very special place to come to,no matter what.

Big hugs.

[My sweet Ginger]

Addy, you know I wasn't and you also know you are one of THEM!;):D

Isn't that the truth tho that we feel such strong pain and hurt in times like this when we don't even really know each other or the pups?

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,

I am so thankful that today went so well! They obviously truly understand our bond with our furbabies.

Cornell had a separate room for grieving parents and they had Daisy wrapped in the blanket that I first brought her there in. She too looked relaxed and as if she were napping.

Hugs!

[Dixie'sMom]

Like the others, I am just so thankful and thrilled that you got to spend some quality, peaceful time with your boy. And I'm so glad to hear the crematorium was respectful and caring with both of you. Like Marianne, I signed a big breath of relief and I just know going forward you can grieve without the trauma of the vet's office hanging over your head. I will still be keeping you in my prayers and keeping you and your boy close to my heart.

Song - You are a jewel and don't ever doubt it for a second!

[molly muffin]

Song - You are a jewel and don't ever doubt it for a second!

I second that Song! :) We are family, through good times and bad. :)

hugs Judi, I hope tonight is better for you with Keesh home where he belongs.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Judi-
I came across your thread by reading another and have just looked at all your albums and learned of your loss. I am so sorry. I've had to put three dogs down, in my lifetime, and it just never gets any easier. I understand and know the pain you are feeling. It sounds like you had some wonderful last moments with Keesh yesterday at the crematorium. I'm thinking of you and sending along a hug.

-Susan

[mytil]

Judi,

I am so very glad you have that treasured moment when you could say good bye and bring him home. The one I went to was just as wonderful and gracious --- the staff even cried with me. Thank you for coming back and letting us know.

For me, I did this too because it was at the very least something I could do for my boy as I could do nothing for Clancy during his last days, it was just his time.

These coming days will be very rough - we are all here.
Terry

[spdd]

Thank you again everyone for your sincere caring. Today is a little rough, even though I was feeling a little better last night. This weather doesn't help (10 inches of snow and still blowing and coming down) plus being so completely isolated. Cant go anywhere or do anything. I am planning though to head south in a few days and get away from it all. Hopefully that will put me in a better frame of mind.

[molly muffin]

Oh Judi, I am so glad that you are going to head south and get away from this horrible cold, snowy weather. You should stay through winter, then come back. It won't be easier when you walk in that front door, but it will at least have given you some time to grief without being stuck inside.

Maybe you should move down here nearer to me. hehehehe

Thinking of you.
hugs and love

[spdd]

I think I may anything is better then this town. The only thing I enjoy are all the horse and buggies that the Mennonites have, but even then a horse tied to the rails at the local Home Hardware, looked at me on Sunday as if to say "wow, you look rough." I kid you not, there were 5 people in the parking lot and the horse looked directly at me... kinda funny when I think of it. Don't know what I was thinking when I chose this place, didn't do my homework. It's an hours drive to anywhere to shop other then groceries, and that can be difficult when I only allowed 16,000 km per year on my new leased suv. Not to mention their veterinarian completely stinks.

[mcdavis]

Judi,
I'm so very sorry to read of the sad loss of your boy and the awful treatment from the vets. I was so relieved to read that the pet crematorium showed such compassion - it really makes such a difference when people show their understanding for your feelings and respect for our pets.

[Dixie'sMom]

I think a change of scenery for you is a great idea if you can pull it off. I couldn't help but giggle at the horse comment. ha! You gotta love animals.

Thinking of you and sending warm hugs!

[addy]

Horses know people, so you must be in rough shape.

Being isolated in deep snow is just not good. Southward bound, here you come.

Big hugs,

[molly muffin]

Yep, horses do know people and can be very emphatic just like dogs. I use to always go riding on my horse with my dog beside us when I was bummed out.
He seem to know when I felt blue and would spend forever just nuzzling my shoulder and being near me. So, yep, you might have been singled out that day.

huggers

[spdd]

My new furniture arrived today and it sent me into a tailspin. Keesh was with me when I went shopping for this stuff and he had a great walk in Guelph where I bought this. Man everything is a reminder. I just went to my mail box for the first time since he left. Another reminder of when I used to take him to pick up the mail.

I am leaving on Saturday for Florida, and apart from the actual car I'm driving, there shouldn't be these pop up memories so often. I had a dream last nite that it was all a big mistake and he went into the bathroom and decided he wanted to get into the toilet. He never even drank from the toilet, so not sure where that came from other then something to do with all his swimming possibly. I don't have dreams interpreted, but it was a huge disappointment when I woke up and faced reality.

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,
I know. Many things remind me of Daisy Mae. It is hard, but over time, there will be more good memories to bring back your smile. I promise.

Soak in the sun for all of us who are freezing already please. :)

[addy]

After my forever cat died, for years I dreamed he was just lost all that time and then we found him. Strange how our inner thoughts come out in dreams.

Tel, me,tell me if you can which city in Florida might you be visiting? Hubby and I have been looking at so many cities to retire too so that is why I ask:);)

[spdd]

I have spent lots of time in the Madeira Beach area. I love it and St Pete's as well. The gulf coast draws me, however my sister loves Lakeland now more then Fort Myers where she used to spend a lot of time. I am doing a wedding in St Augustine Dec 30, so I can tell you about it when I get back but I understand the parking is horrendous and it is expensive.

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,
paying for parking all of the time sucks. Downtown Greenwich was like that so we did our best to only go after hours when the meters weren't being checked.

Always having to be conscious of how much time is left on the meter takes the enjoyment out of spending time shopping.

I've vacationed in PA and remember the Amish food being phenomenal and I also enjoyed watching the horse and buggies. Like you. I would not like the conveniences being so far away.

I hope that you find the perfect place to stay.

[molly muffin]

At least there won't be blowing snow!!! Drive safe! It'll be a doozy getting out of the snow areas I bet, so take it slow. I'm assuming you are driving down?

hugs!

[addy]

Thanks Judi- I;'l check those cities out on line.

Drive safe and we'll be thinking of you. Especially here in cold and snowy Wisconsin- ahhhh the Gulf waters are so warm and they have lots of girlie drinks too.

I'll close my eyes and picture you on the beach, warm surf and sand and a really good girlie drink- maybe a plastic dolphin and an umbrella in it!!!

[Trish]

Hi Judi

Pleased to read you are heading south for the winter!! Well a bit of it anyway, are Canadians allowed to just move and work in the US being such close neighbours or do you have to get visas?? Hope you get out of the snow OK!! Eek, sounds dicey where you are with all of that snow so safe travels. Big hugs for you xxxx

[spdd]

Canadians can go as often as they want to the U.S. providing over the year they do no accumulate enough days to make up 7 months. I believe but not sure they changed it recently to 7 months up from 6. We can go across with a valid drivers licence, but I always have a passport, it's more convenient, usually doesn't raise any flags, and I need it if I go on cruises.
Now if I could just get out of my driveway with all the snow... I'll be heading out tomorrow I think, however now they say freezing rain for tomorrow, so it may be Sunday.

[Squirt's Mom]

Another member from Canada is headed south this week, too. She is coming down I-65. I'll get her travel info in case ya'll can meet up along the way. We really need another k9c Gathering!

[My sweet Ginger]

Another K9C gathering? When and where was the last one and how did it go?

[Squirt's Mom]

It was in Show Low, AZ when I went to pick up Trinket.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2573&highlight=gathering

[spdd]

It's been 2 weeks today I lost "mah boy" and at times it seems like it was just a moment ago. I didn't notice until my drive down south that there were nose prints on the back window and almost had to pull over. Yesterday I was taking some pics for my business, put the card into my computer and up popped pictures of Keesh on his last day with me. Another crying jag. I actually am completely dreading returning home after the new year to my empty place. For over 15 years I had him to come home to... now the place will be completely empty. I also noticed the front dash had a couple of slobber marks on it. Somehow my wonder boy had managed to climb into the front seat 3 times in a week as I was trying to get settled in my new place.. Proud as a peacock he was, but was stuck in the seats until I rescued him. I still ache for him terribly. I know nothing is going to bring him back and I just have to get a grip but this process is taking a toll for sure.

[molly muffin]

It's those little reminders that tug so hard at the heart strings. The big ones just give a great big yank.

Sending big hugs!

[spdd]

I avoid the pet aisle in stores like the plague.

[Dixie'sMom]

Awwww... those little nose prints. You're doing good Judi even though it may not feel like it to you. One day at a time...

[Trish]

Those little reminders do tug at your heart don't they, hoping the change of scenery warms your heart a little Judi, and the sad days slowly become outnumbered by days of peace in the knowledge you went above and beyond in caring for Keesh and giving him so much love and fun in his life xxxx

[spdd]

Well I'm at my destination and just stood along the dark beach and listened to the Gulf of Mexico in the dark. Right over my head and this early in the evening a shooting star flew by and was in direct view in front of me before it disappeared. I'm not one to believe in the supernatural, but I'd like to think that was "mah boy" saying I'm with you Mommy.

[addy]

I totally believe Keesh was saying hi!
Hoping the warm waters of the gulf soothe and help heal.
The warmth and sun will be a tonic.

[Squirt's Mom]

Me, too, Judi. No question in my mind that was a sign from your sweet boy. I hope your winter in the South is enjoyable and you find many reasons to smile and laugh.

[molly muffin]

I agree, Keesh just saying hi mom, love the weather, hated that nasty cold. Lets have a good time down here in the sun.

Hugs,

[spdd]

It's an open invitation. I have this place until the 22nd of December. It has another seperate bedroom and full washroom if anyone wants to come down and visit. Right on the ocean in Madeira Beach. Certainly could use the company.....

[Squirt's Mom]

I wish I could come! Try to relax and enjoy your time on the water. Your sweet boy is watching over you.

[spdd]

Met 2 women on the beach this morning with a 4 month old german shepherd that is training to be a service dog. 2nd time on the beach for this little cutie and she was hilarious. Fascinated with seagulls, throwing sponges in the air and digging furiously until a wave came up and scared her. I had forgotten how much fun a puppy can have. What made her even cuter was 2 things, 1 ear up and the other down, and her name was "Bubbalou" - will see her again tomorrow for the last time.. but she certainly brought many smiles to my face. She has to sit before any affection is shown... I could have ate her, she was so adorable.

[molly muffin]

Awww, puppies are adorable! Are they leaving tomorrow?
Adorable and a butt load of work, getting them trained, need lots of attention, have to go out more often till their bladders are trained and more matured. Gosh, talk about a walk down memory lane. I'm so glad I wasn't working when molly was a youngster, she was a hand full to say the least. LOL Not that she isn't now and doesn't have her moments still. LOL
I bet that did your heart good. I don't know a puppy around that can't lift a shadow from a persons heart.

hugs

[spdd]

I can be such a witch (b) at times so I wrote a letter to the vet in my town. Here is what I said... no response of course from them but I've certainly told enough people about them, and they won't be taking their pets there. I am still a furious when I think about their attitude.

"Now that a little while has gone by, I wanted to write you and tell you what I think of your clinic. First and foremost my dog Keesh had literally been with me 24-7 for 15 plus years, and the way his life ended was beyond anything I could have imagined in my worst nightmare. A table of some sort should have been provided so I could be at eye level with him and hold him until the end. It would have been genuinely compassionate on your part and not be so aloof, especially when I requested someone be with me. I understand you cannot attach yourself to your clients, but in this case, you were completely cold hearted, abrupt, as a matter of fact rude when I asked you what comes next and you said "if you wait a minute I'll tell you." That is beyond rude. I have had that dog diagnosed incorrectly by Orangeville Vet hospital and the Guelph Veterinary hospital, which resulted in almost killing him, and now with your attitude, in my opinion and several others, veterinarians are only money hungry and couldn't care less about the welfare of the animal, never mind the bond between them and their owner. As I have a published article in the local paper just this week you can be guaranteed another article will also be publicized about my experience at your office. If it wasn't for the decency of Gateway and their genuine concern for owners.... this experience would have literally sent me to a doctor. however.... bad publicity will follow for the lack of care and consideration you showed both myself and my dog. Do yourselves a favor and treat people and their pets with decency and respect and show that you are at least human. Frankly I'm completely disgusted, and when I told others what went on... they sure won't be bringing their beloved pets to your practice.

I know that's a bit harsh, but you had to be in my shoes and actually see what went on. Unbelievable... you'd have thought they were talking about and treating something completely inanimate. Terrible, terrible experience on it's own, not to mention the treatment we received. It almost makes me think she was losing the money tree as there wouldn't be anymore acupuncture so lets get this over with and get this woman out of here.... makes me sick.

P.S Darlene... I never saw the puppy again and I know they left the next day.

[My sweet Ginger]

You go girl. Sometimes you just have to get right to the point.

[molly muffin]

Fabulous Judi! I'm very proud of you and I think in this instance, with that letter, you did right by Keesh too, just as you always have.
I have been in your position before, having to let my Tasha go. A table was provided, compassion was offered and the whole thing, as heart breaking as it was, was done with dignity and care. Even the afterwards, which is some cases might be the hardest, that final walk without them.
I cannot even begin to imagine the heart break that having such callousness in that situation would have added to what is already devastating.
So yes, definitely, proud of you!

big hugs! Rock on!

[Trish]

Well that's telling them!!! I hope you let out a big breath full off all those pent up feelings when you hit that send button!! Happy to see Keesh sent a message for up high :) hope your doing lots of beach walks and soaking up the sun! xxx

[spdd]

Have been over on the memorial candle sight a few times. Weeping mess every time, including tonight.

[molly muffin]

{{{HUGS}}} Judi

[addy]

Maybe in the black of the night,sky studded with stars shining brightly, warm sea air enveloping you, pick a star each night, any star that is huge and bright, then talk to your Keesh. Tell him whatever comes to mind for he will listen and as you look up to that star, believe. Believe he can hear you and see you and is with you.

Love and hugs

[apollo6]

Dear Judi, so glad you wrote that letter. Keesh knows. You will not feel whole for a long,long time. Keesh is a part of you,he will always be in your heart. Do not hold back the grief. He was and is your boy. We are here to hold your hand and comfort you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[spdd]

I'm sorry, but I have to leave this forum at least for a little while. I am NOT dealing with this at all very well, and if I'm the same when I get back home, I'm going to have to get some professional help. Everytime I go to the candle page, I'm a wreck, and no matter where I go down here there are just too many reminders. I don't know why I cannot get myself together, it puzzles me, but I cannot go on in this frame of mind. Going home is going to be even worse. I left to try and dull the pain, but it isn't working. The nights are the worst. Christmas isn't happening for me this year, as I will be down here for both it and New Years. I cannot get into the Christmas spirit at all, and that actually scares me as Christmas I always made it very special. Maybe if I wasn't here alone things would be different. I wish I could offer people on here support and I feel badly that I can't contribute more, but trying to deal with this grief is not making me a very supportive person. I was going to print off my thread, but looking back on it even sends me into a tailspin and I just can't do it right now. In all honesty, I'm actually getting pretty sick of myself and the crying. I can't go to the paws swim therapy facebook page either as it tears me apart as well. Even this thread title blows me away now. Guess I need to give myself a slap, face the reality head on and move on... but right now I just can't.

[labblab]

Oh Judi, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, no matter what you decide to do nor how much or how little you are able to post. Absolutely, you need to do what feels healthiest and best for you right now. And you know, you may not even need to wait until you head home to get linked up with a support group or a grief specialist. There may even be a group or a professional in your vacation area that you could stop in and see during this next month. Or barring that, an online grief support group that you could join from anywhere. Maybe there is a link on this thread that can get you started:

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171

For instance, here's a link to a page that lists some pet loss resources in your area of Florida.

http://www.pet-loss.net/resources/FL.shtml

I hope you know how much you are loved here. But I do understand that coming here may feel too hard right now, and linking up with a different group or with a counselor may be a better help to you right now insofar as facing each new day in your life that has now been forever changed. Just know that whether or not you are here writing to us does not matter -- we are always together in spirit and we need no words to confirm the bonds we share.

Sending many, many hugs your way!
Marianne

[addy]

Do what feels best for you. Keesh would want you to heal so you need to do what is best for you. We all care about you but understand and if it is too painful now, then maybe it is better not to log on.

Just know we are always here for you no matter what or when you may need us, ok?

Judi, Zoe has been gone many months now. In the beginning, I came to the forum just like when she was alive. It was what I knew for 4 years. Somewhere around the six month, perhaps, I realized I had to limit coming to the forum because if I logged on every day, I would have horrible flashbacks of her death.

So I have to limit my posts and time now so I can remember her in a positive way.

Point is, do what works for you.

Love you and lots of hugs. I wish you were not alone.

[Squirt's Mom]

aw Judi, this is all still so very fresh and raw...it's only been a few days, ya know. You and Keesh spent so many years together, always side by side, and now that void is present and impossible to fill. I know. :( On top of that your personal life has gone thru total upheaval this year and you never got a chance to grieve for that loss before you had to face Keesh's loss. You have had a great deal on your plate, honey, that you never really got to address. And there is that care-taker thing, too - we devote our every minute, every effort, every thought to helping our babies be the best they can and when that job is taken from us, we are lost - too much time to fill, too many things to let go of that we used to do, just too many changes.

Take all the time you need; seek any and all help you can; and know your family here cares deeply for you and is holding you in our thoughts and prayers, here when you are ready again.

Many hugs, dear lady,
Leslie and the gang

[molly muffin]

Judi, big hugs. Everyone is right, you have to do what is best for you. Grief can't be rushed through, it comes and goes like a tidal wave, sometimes washing over you and then flowing out and leaving you feel drained from trying to stand.
We understand here on the forum how hard this is, and no pressure to be here or to do anything except what is good for you.
This has been a rough year for you in so many ways, so many upheavels and you are trying to get your life together. I know you can do it and joining a group or talking with professionals, may be just the thing. It's like learning a new skill set called coping and baby steps are best when starting out.

you take care of you!
hugs

[labblab]

Judi, just wanted to add that we'll be happy to change your thread title to something that gives you more comfort when you see it again in the future. Just let us know at any time, OK?

[spdd]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your replies. The thread title is ok.... it may in the long run help me to accept this a lot better then I am now.

[Bellabeauty]

Sending you healing energy!!! Much love to you Judi... Thank you for being there for me! HUGS 3>

[Dixie'sMom]

Judi, as the others have said, you do whatever you need to do for yourself. There is no time limit on grief. It takes as long as it takes. Days, months, years... It's a very individual thing. I also think the lonliness is getting to you. I don't know the answer for that, but I believe when the time is right, there is an answer and it will come to you. Hugs and prayers and please know I am thinking of you.

[spdd]

I'm on the move tomorrow going to Lakeland then to St Augutine to do the wedding December 30th. Busy time in the next few days so wanted to pop in and wish all of you

A very Merry Christmas and only the best for the New Year.

I will be thinking of every one of you especially Christmas day, that have lost our babies, and for those that will be enjoying another holiday with their sweeties, please give them an extra hug and kiss from me.

Happy Holidays everyone.

[addy]

Oh Judi- you too Happy Holidays and enjoy St Augustine and the wedding.

Always in our hearts, Judi.

[Squirt's Mom]

The same to you, Judi! As Addy said, you are always in our hearts.

[molly muffin]

Judi, take care of yourself, enjoy the wedding and festivities and yes, Happy Holidays!!!

hugs

[molly muffin]

Thinking of you and Keesh both today.
Wishing you peace this holiday season.

love and hugs

[spdd]

2014 is now coming to a close and a lot of us have suffered so much loss and grief. 2015 will bring even more challenges to us here on the forum as we face the struggle of caring for our pups and for others still trying to cope without our so loved babies.

A lot of us didn't want or feel like acknowledging Christmas and certainly face with trepidation another new year, but with all that said
I still want to wish each and everyone of you only the very, very best to you all in 2015.

Happy New Year to all the special people here on K9 cushings forum. I am blessed to know such a wonderful group. I really am and am extremely grateful.

[molly muffin]

All the best in the new year Judi.

It's bloody cold here right now and a storm likely on the way. Ugh. Florida sounds much better.

Hugs

[spdd]

I'm in Kentucky searching forecasts to see what I have to dodge time wise to get home safely.

[doxiesrock912]

Judi,
Just as our relationships with each of our beloved pets is unique - so is our grief.

15 years of love and companionship suddenly gone is surely to set anyone crying. It's been 6 months since Daisy flew and I still have my cryfests. I still haven't brought myself to the point of registering a complaint with the state against her vet who made the misdiagnosis and gave her the shots that sent her into kidney failure, but I will do so very soon.

Your letter is fabulous and they deserve every bit of it and then some!

Take care of yourself and let the grief out, if that means getting help to do so absolutely get counseling. Ask around for recommendations though. Just like vets there are terrible counselors too. Hugs.

[Squirt's Mom]

How are you with heading home? I'm sure this is difficult. Be careful out there and let us hear from you when you can.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

Looks like a lot of bad weather through the mid states and East today.

Be careful driving and let us know you are ok on your trip home. That is one long drive!!!!!

[molly muffin]

Be careful out on the roads. Looks like we are suppose to have rain and snow tomorrow here. So, bad weather and you know that last leg once you enter Canada can be a doozy too up the 401 corridor by London. So, stay safe! pull over, nothing is worth your safety. It can all wait!

hugs

[spdd]

Made it home in record time even with a 45 minute stop at customs to declare some commercial goods. Snowing and blowing now with an ice storm in the forecast. I must be crazy,.... seriously to have come back to this. The car has grown 2 jet engines and a tail fin cause I made it home in 19 hours.

[addy]

Wow talk about a fast ride and through rough weather.
Glad you are home safe and sound. Must seem really cold after sunny Florida. I didn't even leave and I am not a happy camper either:)

Thinking of you

[spdd]

I'm unpacking a few things and picked up a purse. Opened it and there was the bill for Keesh's cremation. "Mah boy" was only 47 pounds when he died, so he lost 18 pounds from his normal, healthy self. He ate the same, so is this all muscle wasting or do you think something else may have been going on? I knew he was getting very skinny, but attitude was always the same. He didn't act sick at all.

[Dixie'sMom]

Judi, I'm so glad you made it home safely. Its cold as whiz here in NC too but nothing compared to what you have in Canada. I hate you have an ice storm on the way. I always worry about the power going out. I hope you have some kind of backup heat just in case.

I think it may be possible Keesh had something else going on. My last kitty (RIP Taffy) had cancer and she lost weight despite having a good appetite. This symptom appeared before the "lump" that led to her diagnosis. She had surgery and had 2 more good years until her cancer returned and she crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

During our grief we always have so many questions that we may never get answers for. But it is that process that gets us to the point that we begin to feel a sense of peace and acceptance with what has happened. I hope you are beginning to feel some peace and think of Keesh and smile even if a few tears roll down your cheeks.

Hugs and Love and please stay warm during the ice storm!

[Squirt's Mom]

I think it's normal to wonder if something else was going on, something we might have missed, something we might could have fixed one more time. Truth is, these are just further signs that you made the right decision for your sweet boy.

[spdd]

Well I'm angry now. I think if hadn't gotten him the acupuncture he would have lasted a little while longer. She said acupuncture would help with any bowel issues that may arise... but as soon as he got 2 treatments, his bowels started. Coincidence maybe and it's easy to blame someone else in your grief, but with her terrible attitude it sure makes me wonder. I left a scathing review on their facebook page and as of this afternoon it was still there. If you are on facebook, look up https://www.facebook.com/pages/North-Wellington-Animal-Hospital/339006879463154?sk=reviews I am under Judi King.

[molly muffin]

We'll never know for sure if anything else was going on with Keesh. Lord knows you ran the tests and did everything you could to try and figure out why he was losing weight and what the problem was. Even so and without all the answers, what you did was give Keesh extra time on this earth with you, when even the vets had given up and it was some pretty darn good times too.
I know that no matter what, you wouldn't exchange that extra time for anything, expect maybe having even longer.
Big Hugs Judi. Keesh was loved and he loved you, that is all there is in the end.

[spdd]

I took pictures of Keesh on his last day. When I can get control of myself, I'll post it to his album. You can see how thin he was getting.

[spdd]

So there is a little white poodle mix that lives on the street called "Buddy." Buddy didn't like Keesh much but I got told it was because he was attacked by bigger dogs and now growls incessantly at a larger dog. Well here's the real ironic part.
I am now a part-time sitter for Buddy as his parents are complete hockey fanatics and attend a game every weekend in their hometown if not 2 games. Buddy stays with me and he does soooooo many things that remind me of Keesh. Snowplowing through the broadloom, whining to get my attention, loud burping after a meal and the list is endless. Bittersweet actually, but I thoroughly enjoy him and of course he is completely spoiled when he is here... he evidently can't wait to get down the street to my house too when they head in this direction. Now here's the clincher.
I met Buddy's dad a few times walking the dogs and one day he was driving by me while walking Keesh, stopped and wanted to introduce his wife to me. I just about fell over.
40 years ago... her and I were the very best of friends and got into more mischief then I could write about. I might say we were pretty hot at the time -(so we were told) LOL- so most mischief was on a weekend specifically a Friday night
I may be terribly lonely here especially without Keesh, but our friendship resumed and it's like we were never apart for all those years, plus I have the added bonus of Buddy every once in awhile so things are once again tolerable. I miss "mah boy" terribly and just to type his name sets me off, but I thought I'd at least update you on this so unexpected meeting.

[mcdavis]

I've been following the story of you and Keesh, even though I haven't commented, however I just had to tell you how pleased I was to read about you finding your friend again after all of these years, and also hearing about your time with Buddy.

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Judi!

Thank you so much for sharing, and that is fantastic that you and your friend have met again and are rekindling that friendship, hmmm I wonder if Keesh had something to do with this.

So, when does the mischief start back up? :)

Hugs, Lori

[Dixie'sMom]

Ahhhh.... Keesh must have known you needed a 2 legged friend nearby. Ya gotta love it when your angels send you a blessing. :)

I look forward to hearing more about the mischief. :D

[spdd]

Do the disco days give you any ideas???? Bee Gees were everywhere !!! A little too young for Woodstock though. Oops, just looked it up.. maybe I wasn't.

Man I'm old !!!! :eek:

[molly muffin]

Hey, now I remember the Bee Gees...oohhh la la that Barry Gibb. ROFL!
That is excellent that you have reconnected with your friend and now have someone to get into trouble with again. hehehehe
Awww, you got a friend in Buddy. I don't blame him a bit, I bet he has a great time at your house!

huggers

[spdd]

Well, a year this Saturday is the anniversary of "mah boy" going to the bridge and honestly I don't think a day, has gone by that tears haven't taken over at one time or another. It has been the toughest year I can remember for many, many reasons.... and all without my best buddy.
Today, I couldn't take the loneliness any longer and off I went to the humane society... and rescued 3 yr. old Simba.... A CAT !!:eek: I just couldn't go and look at dogs... not ready yet, however it will be awhile I guess cause Simba does not like dogs or cats and the criteria was the I didn't have any other pets.
Never owned a cat in my life, but I'm told dogs have a master and cats have a staff...... so hopefully I can manage this cat, not having a clue what I'm supposed to do. He is already spoiled and been in his furever home all of an hour. He's fairly big, 3 yrs. old but I don't have a clue what he weighs. On a sarcastic note, he gets neutered by a vet before I got him and they didn't mark down his weight. I will post a picture in the albums.... so my dear friends here.... go to the album and meet "Simba". I hope he needed me as desperately as I need him. He was surrendered in September and hadn't had a home at all till I took him.

[Squirt's Mom]

I love him and love that you got him!...and can't help but love his color and know Keesh does as well. You will be very happy with Simba in no time and wonder why you never had a cat before!

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Judi, bless your heart for giving this sweet boy a forever loving home!! I have a cat named Alex, I call him Alex the bad cat as he deserves that name!! And yes, he definitely owns me and the house!! Simba is one beautiful boy!!!!

[labblab]

Judi, I've got a huge grin from ear to ear!!! :) :) :)

Inevitably there will be some challenges, but I hope the pluses will be huge ;). Welcome to our family, Simba -- you are one handsome boy!!

(Now I'm wishing I had a kitty again, too!)

[addy]

Omg He is an orange and white:):)

They are awesome, friendly, sweet, think Garfield personality!!!

When I lost my cat of 21 years, I could not get another cat, which is how Zoe came into my life. So I get that.

Judi, you need someone and I know Simba is perfect for you.
I can't wait for more pictures.

[Budsters Mom]

Welcome Simba!!! :D

So happy for you both. Bless you Judi for providing Simba with a forever home. :p

[molly muffin]

What a sweetheart. I bet you two will have a grand time. :)
I'm like Addy, I lost my cat Tipsy and even though I am around rescue cats all the time, I just haven't been able to bring one home. Actually lost my dog and cat both within months, and so we have the molly muffin.

We'll want to hear all about Simba and your adventures.

[spdd]

A year today!!!!! I'm a wreck!!!! I was talking to a cat person in Walmart yesterday as I was getting Simba toys (which he won't play with.) Talked about Keesh and almost had to walk away, so I know how you feel Sharlene about getting another cat. I highly doubt if I'll ever get a dog again. I'd always be comparing.. and that's just not fair. It also would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. I didn't even realize the day Keesh died that it was on the same date. Never even dawned on me till a couple of weeks later.
I feel selfish or self centered especially today, considering what did and is going on in France. My heart goes out to all those involved, and when I get like this, it helps to remind myself just how badly others have it.

[Budsters Mom]

((((((hugs))))))

[Trish]

Hi Judi ... wow time sure flies... cannot believe it has been a year already... your Keesh was such a strong fellow... he has left such an imprint on your heart... I hope you can soon remember him with a smile and the fun times you had xxxx

[spdd]

Popping in to wish all my friends here a wonderful, wonderful Christmas and wishing every one of you nothing but the best in the New Year.

I have discovered I am not a cat person at all, and although this cat is almost a saint, no problems at all, I just cannot bond with it. Another huge mistake I've made. He's a sweetie.... just not for me.

I am looking to find him a great home, I will not surrender him as I couldn't stand to know he was back in a cage again. He needs somebody that is used to cats, and can spend time with him. He came from an active household and I'm just too boring for him.

Anyway this Christmas is looking a whole lot better then last year when I spent it alone. One of these days I will settle down and find joy again in life.

Still miss "mah boy" but life goes on and we all have to look forward to what's around the corner.

Take care everyone... and give all those furbabies a big belly rub from me.

[molly muffin]

Hope you had a good Christmas Judi and have a wonderful new years too.

big hugs!