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View Full Version : contemplating as we near the end



gummysmurf
12-22-2012, 09:04 AM
It occurs to me that there is no way to itemize all the joy and the years of laughter that characterize and embody Baxter. He is truly a singular and special dog, no doubt about it. He has an intelligence and awareness in his eyes that is apparent when he interacts with people or observes the world around him. There was no one that knew him that failed to be won over by his good manners and gentle nature. People marvelled at the way he would sit and wait at the top of the stairs, unrestrained by leash and not tempted to leave the vicinity and explore or chase after passing people, dogs, or squirrels. But that is Baxter. He was born with this innate sense of decorum, no training was needed with him.

He made himself understood without being able to speak a word. His eyes were the most expressive that I've ever seen. They conveyed eagerness, anticipation, boredom, disappointment, all in a look. Baxter was always able to get my attention. When he needed to go out in the middle of the night he would climb on top of me and walk around on my body until I roused. Then he would dash to the door and look at me, clearly stating his intentions. Another technique he employed was a cold nose thrust in my face or jabbing my leg. And when I spoke, he understood in turn.

"You want to go outside? You want some chicken? You want to go to the park? It's bath time Baxter." These were common phrases he understood immediately. But what was surprising were the subtle things he picked up on. For example, when I'd say something like "Do you want to see Stephen?" He'd wait, and watch the door, and anticipate the arrival, sometimes for hours. He knew that Stephen would be there, sometime.

Right now as I write this Baxter just walked up to me and gave me a look. "Hurry up," he's telling me. "I'm tired of being ignored and want to go outside."

"Wait a minute," I say, "I'm writing a story about you." I pat the couch beside me and he hops up and sits, this 83 pound dog with his butt resting on my leg. He's waiting, but it's clear from his posture and the reluctance with which he moves that he's not happy about it. And so it's time to stop writing and go out and get moving and enjoy the day.

mytil
12-22-2012, 09:29 AM
Big ((((hugs)))) coming your way.
Terry

Irena
12-28-2012, 01:38 PM
Hi Baxter and Baxter's mom,

We (Max the Boxer and Max's mom) just wanted to send you some sloppy Boxer love and let you know that you are in our thoughts. I know you are enjoying your time with Baxter to its fullest. We wish you many chicken bites, baths, park visits, nub wiggles and silly noises. Most importantly, we wish you copious amounts of Boxer goofiness.

Some years ago, we were discussing what a Boxer's voice might sound like if they could speak. While I thought his seriousness meant that his voice would be dignified like Morgan Freeman's, most of my family thought that Max's goofy tendencies meant that his voice is squeaky like Mike Tyson's.

When I'm having a tough time, I imagine my boy interrupting his lip-flapping snorefest to ask me for some chicken in a squeaky voice.


With that said, we send you the strength not only to live through the days ahead, but the strength to smile. After all, the clown that is Boxer wouldn't want it any other way.

Hugs,

Irena and Max

Squirt's Mom
12-30-2012, 10:53 AM
This is such a difficult yet beautiful time. It's as if we and they are laid bare, our Souls exposed and blended, looking through joined eyes into the beyond, and into the past. We stand at the Gate with them and if we look closely, we can see the Beauty they approach; if we listen we can hear the Song that calls to them ever so lovingly. And if we are strong enough, we can add our voice to the Song, bathing them in our love they carry with them always.

I hear your Song and know that Baxter does as well.

Hugs,
Leslie

labblab
12-30-2012, 11:24 AM
Amen, Leslie. I believe in this truth you have written, and this gift you have given us all. Amen.

Marianne

molly muffin
12-30-2012, 12:03 PM
Leslie! I don't think anyone could have put it any better than you just did.

Irena, what a great thought. The voice of a boxer. Goofiness and yet seriousness. Couldn't be more true.

Sharlene

gummysmurf
01-10-2013, 10:13 PM
There is a gentleman named Randy Barr who, for a donation to his favorite charity, will customize a song for your dog. This is Baxter's.

http://www.gummysmurf.com/2013/01/10/baxters-song/

milosmom
01-10-2013, 10:59 PM
such a beautiful tribute to your furbaby baxter !!! my tears are rolling down my cheeks both joyous and sadness combined...outstanding truly !!! patty (milo)meka xoxox

apollo6
01-14-2013, 09:47 PM
what a beautiful tribute.
Wrap yourself in Baxter's love and memories. It is not easy.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

gummysmurf
01-18-2013, 05:45 PM
Thank you…
For making sure I never had to eat the crusts of my sandwiches.

For peering over my shoulder and blowing bad breath into my face while I was driving.

For sticking your head out the car window and letting your jowls flap in the wind.

For following me from room to room.

For leaving me farts that smell like chicken.

For racing around like an idiot when I walk through the door to make me forget I’ve had a terrible day.

For letting me wrap my arms around you and cry into your fur when my heart is broken.

For making me the center of your world.

I love you.

labblab
01-18-2013, 06:22 PM
Thank you…
For making sure I never had to eat the crusts of my sandwiches.

For peering over my shoulder and blowing bad breath into my face while I was driving.

For sticking your head out the car window and letting your jowls flap in the wind.

For following me from room to room.

For leaving me farts that smell like chicken.

For racing around like an idiot when I walk through the door to make me forget I’ve had a terrible day.

For letting me wrap my arms around you and cry into your fur when my heart is broken.

For making me the center of your world.

I love you.

And Baxter loves you, too. Baxter loves you dearly, always.

Many hugs,
Marianne

jma1154
01-19-2013, 12:07 PM
OMG, that is so dead on, I am just going to add a few more, hope you don't mind.
Thank you for...

The laughter when I was sad.
Teaching me how to live in the moment.
Scaring the living daylights out of me each morning when you pounced on me to tell me breakfast time!
The water you'd leave all over the kitchen floor and paw prints just inside the backdoor.

But most of all thank you for showing me that God's love in all its glory is real.

For Baxter and Casey, thank you, from mommy.

Squirt's Mom
01-19-2013, 12:24 PM
I love the poem, Irena. As Marianne said, Baxter loves you just as much.

apollo6
01-19-2013, 03:51 PM
dido to all you have written about Baxter. Keep on writing, and holding his love in your heart.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

milosmom
01-19-2013, 11:48 PM
xoxox....is all i got ....how we love our fur babies to the moon and back...(tears rolling down cheeks that are happy and sad

jma1154
01-20-2013, 10:32 AM
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you this morning and hoping the day has met you with some loving memories of Baxter. The only words I can offer is that he is playing, and eating and loving his new found youthfulness once again, and I am sure that he is waiting patiently to show you that he doesn't hurt anymore and he can run and jump and play like he used, he's no longer encumbered by his tired and aging body. He's found his inner puppy again and he loves it. I know that doesn't help the pain of his missing presence but imagine going sleep feeling old and tired and hurting an aching like you have the flu or something and waking up to feel full of life like you were a child again full of energy and exuberance and ready to face the new day. I don't know if that helps you at all, it does me when I think of Casey. I remember how hard it was for her to get up, and I remember how her back legs would shake under her weight, and how she huff and puff when she played down like I did when my back was hurting me and then I picture all the youthfulness she had when she was a puppy. She used to hop up and twist her body in a half circle when it was time to eat and be so rambunctious and so I think of her like that again and think wow you must be feeling good right now.
Anyhow, I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about both of you.
Jill

gummysmurf
02-17-2013, 02:42 AM
Past few days have been unusually painful. Every once in a while I'll think of something and it'll seem like it only happened yesterday, and realizing that it wasn't yesterday and that Baxter is really gone just kind of hits me real sharp. It's weird...I feel as if it's been years sometimes, and sometimes it feels like it just happened. But it's been 6 weeks, and I thought it was about time to face going through his pictures, so I've created some albums if anyone is interested.

Also wrote a "eulogy" about Baxter for an online game I used to play.
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I lost Baxter on January 7th, 2013. I wanted to write something poignant in his memory, so people would know something about him and what a wonderful dog he was. It's not enough to say that he was my best friend or that he loved me unconditionally. That tells you what he was to me, but it doesn't really give you a picture of how exceptional he was. I could tell you things like how, just a few days before he died, even when he was so weak that I couldn't get him to move, that he dragged himself out of bed and lay on the floor outside the bathroom until I was done with my shower. He didn't get up to eat, or drink, or to go outside but he dragged himself outside the bathroom door to be near me.

He was a very gentle dog, even as a puppy. If you've ever been around puppies, then you know that their teeth are like needles and they like to chew, and when they bite they bite hard. But not Baxter. He would gently nibble and it was so cute the way he did it. He was a very quiet dog as well. I think it was years before I heard him bark, and when he did it was a very cautious "woof". And then a pause as if he had to consider it. And then another "woof". He was also a very playful dog. Every day when I came home he would grab a dog toy and race around with it in his mouth while I feinted and pretended to grab at it. Sometimes he would forget that he had a toy in his mouth and go outside that way, hiking his leg and peeing while carrying a stuffed animal.

I put Baxter in the Alizarin Clan arena because even back then I knew that one day he wouldn't be with me, and it would be nice to get to visit him inside of Nexus. I wish I knew a way to describe the essence of Baxter so that you all could know him too, but I'm not that good with words I guess. Just take my word for it - he was the best. When you swing by the arena be sure to tell him that, and that he's a good boy, and that I miss him and think about him every day.