In Loving Memory of Koda

[Kodasmom]

Hi,I am new here,but I have been reading on this site for months now.
Sadly, our cushings baby names Koda,passed away on July 25th,2012 from heart failure due to the effects of his cushings. He was only 6yrs 7 months old.Koda was diagnosed about 2 yrs ago with low thyriod and then cushings shortly after. He also suffered from seizures from 1 yr old.
He was on Vetroyl for 2 yrs and even though it helped some of his issues, his heart grew large. On July 24th, he has a few seizures, as he always did every few months only.We knew he usually slept the day after seizures and panted, but this time, it took a very horrible turn...
The morning of July 25th at 7 am, I woke up to him panting heavy.He took his pills, ate a full meal, but the panting continued. I thought is was just the after effects of epilepsy and took him in to my vet, figuring he may need some extra vallium to calm his system down.As we arrived at vet office,
Koda's breathing got worse there and sounded likehe had congested lungs.
They took him back, put him on IV and oxygen, Xrayed him.
The vet then came in and brought me to be with him,as she told me his heart was failing,super enlarged and he couldnt breathe.I begged her "please don't let my dog die, we will do whatever it takes." she told us that nothing could fix Koda;s heart and she barely could find his pulse on his leg. I called my husband to cab up to the vets and he was crying, I was crying and in denial...
We said our goodbyes and held him as she put him into his eternal sleep,right there still on the xray table.I remember the heart monitor went from beep,beep to one long tone, and then he was gone....
We had to do it then, as he was starting to choke and we did NOT want him to suffer...I was in complete shock and grief stricken as we carried him out of the clinic and brought him home to bury him on my parents farm...where he loves being. We came home to an empty dogless home and still can't deal with it.
He was my first dog as an adult, and Im 43 now. I was his main caregiver with all his health issues and we NEVER left him alone. One of us always watched him day and night. Its been 2 weeks tomorrow and I am very sad still. I can still smell him in our home, and the spot where he used to lay is now empty.I know he is at the bridge, but we still miss his presence sooo much.
Thank you for listening.When I am ready, I will send a pic to the In loving memory forum.He was a shih tzu/terrier,grey and very cute.

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your loss but I am very glad you decided to share Koda's story with us and hope you will allow us to comfort you in some small way.

It sounds like Koda was dearly loved and well cared for - what a wonderful life he must have had with you and your hubby! Please don't let guilt have any space in your mind - it is obvious that you did all you could for him and when nothing more could be done, you then gave him the greatest gift of all - freedom from a failing body.

Today, your sweet boy is looking down on you with so much love and gratitude in his heart, which is now strong and healthy once again. He was met by so many of our babies who have gone before and with them, he will wait until the day when your job here is done and he is once again in your arms, never to be parted.

When you are ready, we would love to hear stories of Koda's life with you. Feel free to open a new thread as a memorial to Koda where you can share your memories and we can help you celebrate his life.

I have added Koda's name to the 2012 In Loving Memory thread and we will be more than happy to upload a photo into the 2012 album. Just send it to k9cushings@gmail.com and we will take care of that for you.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Tasha, and our Angels, Ruby and Crystal

[mamisaffron]

hi
I am so sorry to hear about Koda. It never gets any easier when we loose our fur babies. I had a Cushings Chow girl Mami and she passed away on Thursday Aug 2nd. She was doing so well on her treatment and was looking fantastic as all her fur had grown back. Sadly on Thursday evening she had a massive Gastric Torsion and she was screaming in pain. We rushed her to the emergency vets and he examined her and gave her pain relief. Her stomach was completely twisted and huge. Her risks for an succesful operation were small and we made the heartrending decision to let her go to sleep. We did not want her to suffer any more, our other Chow girl Maddie keeps looking for her and we are all depressed. I know in time things will improve but for the moment its so hard.
I will put a photo of Mami on here when my spirits have lifted. Tale care xx

[molly muffin]

What a horrible day to have found we've lost two of our precious ones.

They are so dear to us and we miss them so much when they go.

Hugs and more hugs and a few tears too,

Sharlene

[labblab]

I, too, am so sorry for your loss but very grateful that you have shared Koda's story with us. You will see that I have taken the liberty of moving your reply in order to start a brand new thread that is Koda's alone. This way, you can always return here to find it, and our members will be able to post to you directly.

When we love our babies so deeply, the pain feels overwhelming. I hope it may give you some comfort to come back and share more stories about Koda and the life you all shared. It will be our privilege to read them, and to share in honoring all that he has meant to you -- and always will.

Sending you many hugs, always in loving memory of your baby boy ~
Marianne

[mytil]

I am so very, very sorry to read about your Koda. My heart is with you and your husband.

Please do stay with us.
((((hugs))))
Terry

[Bo's Mom]

Our heartfelt condolences sent to you and your husband. Angel Koda will always be remembered and the memories will always fill your heart.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I would love to see his picture and it sounds like he brought you a lot of joy. So very sorry about your loss. I don't think he could have had more love from any other family. hugs, Judi

[Kodasmom]

Thank you all so much. This is the first support that I have reached out for. We went to visit Koda's final resting spot at moms yesterday..I still can't stop crying. I loved him so much, is all and I feel so empty.
I know he is finally pain free and he can now run and jump again in heaven..something he could not do for a while now.

[molly muffin]

Oh Hon Super Big HUGS.

We are all here for you, any time you want to share stories of Koda, have a cry or even a smile. They are a gift to us poor humans, that's the truth and they are never here with us long enough.

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[jmac]

I am so sorry to hear about Koda. I am in tears after reading your post. I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. As hard as it was for you, you did what HE needed you to do and you let him go without a struggle. He is free of pain now and breathing easily.

It sounds like you gave Koda a wonderful life and I'm sure he knew how much you cared about him. Thank you for sharing with us. We are always here if you want to talk more about him. I hope your memories will bring you some peace.

Julie & Hannah

[Kodasmom]

Hi all, I am still here,but barely. I have had such an awful time with my loss.We tried to go camping before my teen daughter starts school, but it was too hard with no dog. I am having some better days, but not many.
I am trying to scan and load pics of my Koda but our printer/scanner is giving me grief. My son will try this week.
My heart goes completely out to all who have had a loss. If you can, could anyone please let me know how you are coping? I am starting to feel like it will NEVER end. Still crying on most days. Maybe it's just me.
Thanks again for all the support here, take care.

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Sweety,

I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you. I lost my boy, Harley, a year and half ago and it still hurts...but not as much. The sad memories are now being replaced with happy ones and in time I believe this will happen to you also, but it does take time.

Talking to people that understand how you are feeling is a good start at mending the hole you feel in your heart so please know we are here for you and do truly understand.

Sending huge and loving hugs to you, Lori

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, honey, I know how you feel. I still at times cry for those babies I lost years ago and very often for the one I lost 2 years ago. But that is ok. And it's certainly ok for you to still feel the raw, ripping pain of losing your precious Koda so recently. In fact, it is perfectly normal. Those tears that fall, that awful weight in your chest that makes the next breath so difficult to draw in, that knife-sharp stab in your gut are all expressions of your love for Koda. And as strange as it may sound, we are the lucky ones who get to feel such depth of pain because that means we are capable of feeling such an incredible depth of love for our babies...and not everyone can feel that love.

They say time heals all wounds but I have found that isn't true. Some wounds will never heal. But time does give us a chance to learn to live with the pain, to hold to those memories that bring a smile. As the days and weeks pass, you will also find a memory that makes you smile through your tears and you will find that moment just a tiny bit easier to bear. As more memories bring more smiles, those bearable moments will start to string together until one day you laugh out loud remembering something Koda did. Time will bring this to you...to all of us who love so deeply.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[labblab]

Oh, my heart goes out to you, too! And I remain very grateful that you've come back to talk with us once again. Many people in the world might not understand the depth of your connection with Koda or the pain of your loss. But we do. I promise you, we do.

I was absolutely unprepared for the grief I felt when I lost my Cushpup. My heart suffered more for him than for any other family death I had experienced. I think it was partly because he had been my comfort through so many OTHER losses and difficult times. He was always by my side and our connection was so pure and uncomplicated. All he asked for was my love; all he wanted was to be near me. When he died, the pain of my physical separation from him was overwhelming. Fortunately, over time, the pain that I felt each day did lessen. But it took time, and the healing came in small steps.

It has been just one month since you lost Koda. Do not be hard on yourself, and do not wonder whether it is "just you." You are in very good company here, because we all understand how much this hurts. For each one of us, the healing path takes its own course. For me, I believe I cried every day for four months until the day arrived when my husband and I opened our home and hearts to a new puppy. In no way do I offer that out as the solution for you -- it may be a long time, if ever, before you choose to become a doggie parent again. But for me, that is what changed the course of my grief. I didn't miss my sweet boy any less, but my days had purpose once again and my heart began to expand and embrace another sweet soul.

For you, the healing journey may be totally different. But most importantly, please know that your grief is normal and something that we all understand here. I think having the chance to talk about my boy with others who understood was the one thing that helped me the most. That is why this forum is so special and so important to me. I knew that I could come here any time, day or night, and write about my memories and my pain and I would be heard and people would understand. So please, please feel free to come back at any time to share more memories of Koda -- both the good times and the hard times.

Also, please take a look at this thread: http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171. It lists other websites that are devoted to helping parents during their time of grief and loss. Other members have told us that these sites have helped to bring them comfort, too.

I look forward to being able to see Koda's sweet face. So don't give up on those pictures, OK? And I will be watching for any stories that you may wish to share. In the meantime, I am sending you many hugs from across the miles.

Always in loving memory of your sweet boy,
Marianne

[mytil]

We are all here for you. Please do be kind to yourself as there is no time limit to grieving. It may take a long time as you try to sort out your life without Koda beside you. It took me a very long time when I lost my Mytilda years ago and to this day I still miss her.

I think the bond is so tremendous it will never be severed.

I look forward to seeing those photos of Koda.
((((hugs))))
Terry

[Bo's Mom]

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
Texas-sized hugs sent to you as you are dealing with such a terrible loss. Know we are all here for you. Can't wait to see those pictures of Koda.

[molly muffin]

It is extremely difficult. Sharing the memories is a good place to start and we are all here to hear any of them you wish to share with us.

I think that we all find what works the best to ease the pain for each of us. It took me a year after my beloved Tasha passed before I was ready to go down that road again and found our Molly.

One thing that Did help, is that Tasha had such a hard time the last year of her life, that when she went, and she too was sent across the rainbow bridge to peace, is that I knew that she was now free of pain and cones and itching and the mortification she exhibited when she had an accident in the house because she couldn't make it outside in time. (that always bothered her, probably more than it did me, I knew she couldn't make it to the door, she didn't know why she couldn't get there)

I still miss her, I will always miss her, but Molly filled that hole in our lives, even though at the time I thought "I'll never do this again, I can't stand to lose them". I still will cry sometimes for Tasha and Tipsy who went within a few months of each other. It's okay though, I cry because I loved them and they were a big part of my life. It is to honor their memories that a few tears are still shed like right now.

One thought on the pictures if you can't get your scanner to work, is to gather a bunch of them together and take them to a place like walmart or a drug store that offers the service and they will put them all on a cd for you.

Please come by often and let us know how you are.

Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[labblab]

Awwwwwwww, I've just been to your new photo album to see your sweet pictures of Koda. What a cutie-pie, and what a dear little boy. Thank you so much for letting us see him!! :) :) :)

Marianne

[molly muffin]

The pictures of Koda are so sweet. Thanks for posting them.
hugs,
Sharlene

[marie adams]

Yes it takes some time to get control of your emotions. I still have moments and it has been a year and half since our Maddie girl left.

I remember coming home and my daughter had cleaned up the towels we had laid out on the rug. We all cried. I know how your felt about the empty home--there wasn't a room in the house that didn't have memories of Maddie.

Time does heal, but you never forget--it just isn't as hard remembering the day you lost them. Maddie was out first dog as an adult too. Never thought you could be that attached and devastated.

I have a new fur baby now who is 17 months and the stress of puppyhood almost drove me nuts. You compare the two and think of what a wonderful dog you lost, but someday this one will be that wonderful dog also--just different.

I was told you will always have your first dog in your heart, but that you will grow another heart for the new one.

Take good care of yourself and it is okay to grieve.

((((HUGS))))