View Full Version : Dear Zorro (Toby's older brother)

09-01-2010, 01:17 PM
Hi all: This is Toby's mum (9 yo Yorkie, about to start Vetoryl, really scared thread). I will be posting about Toby soon; we are changing his dose as per recommendations of this list and Also Dechra. But I am off today with a back spasm. I was reading all the old post's about Toby to review, when I came across the very nice invitation to post on the "In Loving Memory" Site. So here is my letter to Zorro, Toby's older brother, gone to the bridge December 21, 2009. Thanks to all for giving me this opportunity to honor Toby's older brother and to share Zorro's love.

Well Zorro, it's almost 8 months since your passing. The heart never forgets. Never-no matter how much distraction the brain tries to provide. I mourn you most, I notice, the third week of every month. I think this is because you left me the third week of December, more precisely on December 21, 2009. Now, I go about my daily routines thinking of so many different things--caring for the other animals, working on my artist bears, getting to work on time, and going to vet appointments with Toby. I try to work on loving and helping those around me, just as you taught me. It seems I am always "busy" doing something. Yet at times in the midst of all this I feel a yearning, an unsettled feeling of sorrow and loss, an aching so deep I cannot find the bottom of it. And then it all floods back into my mind--the day I helped you leave this earth; the sad, sad day of your euthanasia.

Mama Ran, my grandmother--having come into my life many years after her death you did not have the privilege of knowing her-- taught me many of her Cherokee beliefs. When a great spirit dies, she says, there is a hole in the earth. The earth is not the same until the hole closes over. A great spirit cannot leave the earth, she said, without the earth having time to prepare for this before it happens. When such a spirit surrenders itself, the universe is ready to accept it back and then the healing of the earth begins; the dying is the beginning of the healing. She told me that the world is changed by the death of every Great Spirit, and that the world does not take death lightly because it feels the shudders of those who were connected to this spirit when the spirit leaves its body. Zorro, I feel all animals are great spirits because of the light they bring to earth. I truly believe they are sent by God to help keep humans on a path of compassion and love, and I know that I have been changed for the better by every animal I have had the privilege of caring for in this lifetime. Still, the hole in my heart has not closed; I must wait.

I want to thank you for calling to my spirit the night following your death. The dream was so powerful, explaining to me that you felt no fear, you were happy, and that what I perceived as darkness was only the outer edge of light....that you were on your way to the light, and that helpful, gentle souls waited for you to arrive. When I went to you in the dream you greeted me in way you did as a young, healthy dog--jumping up on your back legs to place your paws on my knees. And when I released you from this place where you seemed somehow to wait for me you ran out into the darkness joyfully and with great confidence. You put your flat little nose to the ground and snuffed up the new scents with gusto and happiness--your beautiful plumed tail wagged frantically back and forth as you followed on the path to the lighter areas beyond the shadowed area I found you in.

A small dog joined you on the path--on earth, I knew, he had been very, very loved. He looked at you with intelligence, compassion, and great love; In the dream it was conveyed to me that he had been waiting for you. It was then I noticed that you moved without the stiffness of the arthritis that caused you so much pain in your later years. Your gait was smooth, with far reaching stride and great "drive." You seemed so "vital"--your body was that of a strong adult dog perhaps 2 or 3 years old as you wiggled and crossed happily back and forth across a path I could barely make out in the shadows. With your nose still on the ground you followed your new friend as I watched. It was conveyed to me by the small dog that I could not follow you. I understood that there was a huge chasm between the gentle onlookers in the distance who reached out their arms to you and myself ,and that under no circumstances would I be permitted to go further.

Upon awakening I felt so happy for you , although even now the pain of missing you has diminished only slightly. I want you to know that I still feel your spirit trying to pull me forward, to inspire and heal; I understand that you have not "given up" on me, and I am very, very grateful for this.

I feel so honored that the Universe brought us together in this lifetime. You loved everyone, even people I was not fond of--loved them divinely and without reservation, unconditionally and without limit. And they could not help but love you back. Your generosity of spirit taught me how far behind you I am in my ability to love. To honor your life, I work on this daily.

Thank you for working with me, for trying to help me to become a more perfect channel for God's love.

I will find you someday, I know, at the feet of God. My name has been written next to yours in the Book of Life; we are eternally bound. And I have no doubt that you will remember our time together on earth. I will drop to my knees and open my arms. I will call your name as I did so many years ago. You will look up into the face of our Father, silently ask for permission to come to me and He will nod his consent. I will thank God with all my heart, catch you in my arms and hold you forever.

With all my Love,
Your guardian on Earth

Roxee's Dad
09-01-2010, 01:30 PM
Dear Linda,

That was beautiful and inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing.

Squirt's Mom
09-01-2010, 04:31 PM
How beautifully you captured the magic of our babies, Linda. As mere humans we can only hope to love as purely as our small, furry companions do.

Thank you for sharing with us.

Leslie and the girls - always

09-02-2010, 10:34 AM
Dear Linda,

Thank you so much for your reply on my thread about my beloved Barkis, and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful tribute to Zorro. The words of wisdom and healing that were handed down to you by your Mama Ran are so poignant and beautiful...and your own love for all creatures shines through in every sentence.

I am so glad that Zorro now has a place of honor here amongst our other loved ones. But I am so sorry for the pain of his loss to you. I do believe that the spirits of our precious ones remain forever alive in the people and places that they loved best, and that belief brings me a measure of comfort. But that does not change the aching wish to be able to physically hold and love them just one more time...

In the meantime, I trust that Zorro and Barkis and all our other animal companions and teachers are patiently awaiting the time of our own passage. The time when we shall be reunited once again and forever.

With many hugs, always in loving memory of your sweet boy ~
Marianne (forever Barkis and Peg's and Luna's mom)