lulusmom
08-20-2010, 12:00 PM
I can’t afford a cashmere sweater, so I glued cat hair to an old T-shirt.
I’ve taken up scrapbooking. So far, I’ve filled three books with “People Who Annoy Me.”
I believe that nothing ever gets so bad that I can’t make it a little worse.
Speed dating is nothing new to me. Most of my relationships have lasted less than five minutes.
The big summer movies are a great way to sit in the dark next to people you wouldn’t want to see in the light.
To fathers everywhere, we salute you! But we’re still not going to pull your finger.
I hate to see a paradise spoiled. So I never wear a thong.
Let’s be clear, a “party” where a stranger tries to sell you stuff is not a party.
I’ve already got a hybrid car…..half junk, half crap!
August….that time of year when you can use your mailbox as a microwave oven.
I saw something really exciting during one of those fishing shows the other day. It was a commercial.
The last time I laughed at a summer comedy was when I tripped an usher.
My sun block is 100% effective. It’s called a house.
The last guy I went out with had a lot in common with the tires on my car: he was bald, unbalanced and full of hot air.
Artificial sweetener is like a hug from a mannequin.
Trust me. Tight-fit jeans and loose-fit skin are one bad combination.
A man is like an orange, He’s gotta be really good to be worth the trouble.
Wouldn’t you pay just about anything for a telemarketer’s home phone number?
Summertime and the livin’ is easy! Unfortunately, so is the sweatin’ like a pig and breakin’ out in nasty rashes.
Baseball season is in full swing! Kind of like me in a halter top.
With the price of a car wash, I’m leavin’ the top down and takin’ the laundry.
Summer lemonade stands are fine if you want your kids to grow up to be bartenders.
Sandals are nature’s way of protecting your feet while sharing the smell with others.
I’ve taken up scrapbooking. So far, I’ve filled three books with “People Who Annoy Me.”
I believe that nothing ever gets so bad that I can’t make it a little worse.
Speed dating is nothing new to me. Most of my relationships have lasted less than five minutes.
The big summer movies are a great way to sit in the dark next to people you wouldn’t want to see in the light.
To fathers everywhere, we salute you! But we’re still not going to pull your finger.
I hate to see a paradise spoiled. So I never wear a thong.
Let’s be clear, a “party” where a stranger tries to sell you stuff is not a party.
I’ve already got a hybrid car…..half junk, half crap!
August….that time of year when you can use your mailbox as a microwave oven.
I saw something really exciting during one of those fishing shows the other day. It was a commercial.
The last time I laughed at a summer comedy was when I tripped an usher.
My sun block is 100% effective. It’s called a house.
The last guy I went out with had a lot in common with the tires on my car: he was bald, unbalanced and full of hot air.
Artificial sweetener is like a hug from a mannequin.
Trust me. Tight-fit jeans and loose-fit skin are one bad combination.
A man is like an orange, He’s gotta be really good to be worth the trouble.
Wouldn’t you pay just about anything for a telemarketer’s home phone number?
Summertime and the livin’ is easy! Unfortunately, so is the sweatin’ like a pig and breakin’ out in nasty rashes.
Baseball season is in full swing! Kind of like me in a halter top.
With the price of a car wash, I’m leavin’ the top down and takin’ the laundry.
Summer lemonade stands are fine if you want your kids to grow up to be bartenders.
Sandals are nature’s way of protecting your feet while sharing the smell with others.