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BestBuddy
12-29-2009, 08:52 PM
There are still times when the sadness is still so intense. I didn't grieve openly and pretended all was okay with those few people I told about Buddy's death. I even dropped his name from my signature just so I could keep his memory to myself. The people I work with only found out by accident months later by accident because I just couldn't bear to have people tell me they were sorry knowing they really had no idea how much he meant to me. Things were just getting back to normal when we lost Nelson.

Life goes on and Luke and Joey are a real joy, hard work sometimes but certainly worth it. Phoebe is doing ok but next month she will be 18 so I have to give her extra loving every day.

The days are flying by and in a few weeks it will be the first anniversary of Buddy crossing the bridge. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times a whole lifetime ago. I have finally disposed of the vial of insulin in the fridge and am planning on taking the syringes to the vet to be given to someone who needs them.

So thinking back on 2009 I will be glad to see the end of it and hope that 2010 is a happier year.

Jenny

littleone1
12-29-2009, 09:13 PM
Jenny, I understand what you are saying. I feel the same way since I lost my husband. Sometimes it does feel like it was yesterday, and at other times it feels like it was so long ago. Thank God for our furbabies that have helped us get through the sad times.

Take care. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

sunimist
12-29-2009, 09:20 PM
Dear Jenny. (((Hugs))).

So thinking back on 2009 I will be glad to see the end of it and hope that 2010 is a happier year. I agree with you and pray we all have happier times ahead in 2010.

Thinking of you with love,

Shelba and Suni

Squirt's Mom
12-30-2009, 10:49 AM
Dear Jenny,

When I think of Buddy, I always think of white feathers drifting down, a thing of beauty, of peace and hope.

Hugs and love,
Leslie

Carol G
12-30-2009, 11:31 AM
Jenny,

I very much understand -- you are in my thoughts. I agree, I am glad to see the end of this year.

Carol

k9diabetes
12-30-2009, 12:27 PM
Hi Jenny,

I still have four vials of insulin in the refrigerator almost a year and a half later and I think they will stay there for a long time. It's a little daily reminder of Chris and most of the time I find it comforting.

I happened to talk to the vet who let Chris go yesterday - probably the first time I've spoken to her since that day... and I have been in tears off and on ever since. We didn't talk about Chris but she is tied to him now always and to that last moment. I have always been grateful for her sensitivity and regard for Chris. And she was calling to ask us to help someone else whose dog has diabetes.

I love Jack with all my heart and I miss Chris desperately. I miss him at times when he and Jack are alike and at times when he and Jack are very different... I just miss him.

Sometimes it's easier and sometimes it's harder. I don't know if that balance will eventually shift more toward easier. It did after years and years with my cat Gandy, who grew up with me when I was first on my own as an adult. But it took a long long time to get to that point. Multiple years. The first year I couldn't talk about her to anyone without bursting into tears.

Natalie

forscooter
12-30-2009, 03:56 PM
(((((((((((bighugebuddyhugs))))))))))))

Love ya, Beth

ventilate
12-30-2009, 06:39 PM
Jenny; I know exactly what you mean about not telling people as they dont understand how much these friends mean to us. I was surprised at my work, my girlfriend told my co workers and I got so many sincere hugs, emails from them and from the ICU staff. I guess they did understand more than I gave them credit for. I guess If I loved my dog that much they can probably love theirs that much as well, and understood how much I was hurting.
As Natalie said some days are easier some are harder. They leave such a vacant place in our hearts. Today I cried again when Kenai came up on the couch and cuddled in like Nike did. I know the raw pain goes away but the ache in my heart does not.
Hope 2010 is better for all of us.
Hugs from Me, Kenai and forever my giant angel Nike

Roxee's Dad
12-30-2009, 06:55 PM
Dear Jenny,

I read your post yesterday and wanted to respond but the tears started flowing and was at a total loss for words. I know, because of the place I am in, there are no real words of comfort for me, you Leslie, Glynda, Shelba, Beth, Carol, Bettina, Sharon, Steph, Natalie and so many others I can't name right now. The comfort I get is knowing I can share my feelings here in this group with others who totally understand the way I / we feel and knowing someone else really cares.

I think it was Marcela who has a tag line ""Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened" I think this rings so true for me and many of us.

I can only echo what Beth has posted...(bighugebuddyhugs)

Dollydog
12-30-2009, 08:29 PM
Have just come online after more than a week offline....thanks for this thread Jenny. Insulin had to leave our fridge and go into Lady's part of the kitchen cupboard as the fridge doors are open while it's unplugged. We're travelling right now.
I still remember going on the internet last January in the public library in Elko, NV and reading of Buddy's passing. The people around me were very compassionate with my tears....I read about Mia's passing at the same time.:(
Take care,
Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel

mytil
12-31-2009, 05:52 AM
Dearest Jen,

There is no time line for grieving Jen. I still cry over my Mytilda and Clancy, even after all these years. The anniversary dates are the hardest.

It is very difficult for a lot to understand the incredible bond one has, especially with our soul doggies and the pain there is when they leave us.

I will light a candle for your sweet Buddy and give a gift to our shelter in his name.

((((((hugs))))))
Terry

clydetheboosmom
12-31-2009, 10:53 AM
You are in my thoughts again, always...

Lynne, Clyde & Bailey

labblab
12-31-2009, 12:54 PM
Dear Jenny,

I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you, too. This time of year can be so hard, especially when it marks first anniversaries and beginning a new year without a loved one. But I think that cleaning away the diabetic supplies marks a huge step for you. I am STILL not quite there yet -- I still have a bottle of Barkis' thyroid meds tucked away in the back of the medicine closet. Every time I make the move to throw it out, something stops me. So I guess I am just not ready. In so many ways, my pain over him has finally lessened over these years. But then, something small and silly like that just brings it all back again in waves.

Given the time zone difference, I believe you guys are hours ahead of us and have already launched into the New Year. So thank you from this side of the world for being our 2010 pioneers! And my best wishes to you always ~

Many (((hugs))),
Marianne

corgipallie
12-31-2009, 02:18 PM
I haven't been on here lately because I am having such a hard time without Pallie right now. Christmas was really bad. New Years is bitter sweet. 2009 is the last year Pallie and I had together and part of me doesn't want to let go. But I know that's not possible so I have to hold onto her instead as 2010 gets here. So Pallie and I will enter 2010 together, just like we've always entered a new year. She may not be here to celebrate with me, but I know she's here and watching over me. She would want me to welcome in 2010 with lots of love for Apollo and Gypsy and all our Cush-Pups.

Dollydog
01-14-2010, 09:10 AM
Hi Jenny,
Was thinking of you last night and wondering what the actual date was last year. These are the times when I really miss the old forum as I can't go back and check.
Take care,
(((Hugs)))
Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel :)

labblab
01-14-2010, 09:20 AM
Jo-Ann, thanks so much for posting your note, because I've just gone to look at our memorial thread for last year (Remembering All Who Have Left Us - 2009) (http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132) -- and I see that Buddy's angel anniversary was yesterday...January 13th. It is so true that we have lost so much from the old site, but thankfully, the "Remembering" threads were saved. :o

Special thoughts are being beamed to you, Jen.

Always in loving memory of your sweet Buddy,
Marianne

Harley PoMMom
01-14-2010, 10:02 AM
Dear Jenny,

Remembering sweet Buddy and sending big hugs your way.

With much love,
Lori

BestBuddy
01-14-2010, 03:58 PM
Thanks guys.

I think I have been in denial that Buddy's anniversary was just about here. I guess I was being a bit like an ostrich and burying my head in the sand, sort of like it's not really there if I can't see it.

Guess what, January 13 was just like January 12 and will probably be just like all the other days around it. Not really sure what I expected.

Now that 12 months have been and gone I can reflect on it and say that I still miss my Buddy. Life is so different, I even sometimes miss the commitment to feeding/insulin injections. I miss the special bond we had.

I also want to mention that Nelson who passed away several months after Bud has also left a big hole. Nelson seemed to be always taking second place because of Buddy's health issues and even his death was when the old site was lost so he disappeared without fuss and fanfare. I just wanted to say that although Nelson seemed to be forgotten he certainly is missed in my life.

Jenny

lulusmom
01-14-2010, 04:25 PM
Oh Jenny, I wish I could put into words what the phrase "my heart goes out to you" means coming from me. I trip over my words, type, delete, type delete and throw up my hands in disgust. Isn't it ironic that I, the motor mouth, is ever at a loss for words? I'm just not good at consoling people online but if you were here or I there, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'd have you wrapped up in great big old bear hug and we'd be blubbering all over each other.

I'm honored to run in the same circle with you here on k9c or anywhere else because it's people like you that wears your heart on your sleeve for all to see just how much you love your dogs and our dogs. I think all of our k9c family has a sleeve decorated that way. We willingly subject ourselves over and over again to the pain of losing our beloved furbabies, knowing or at least knowing that the odds are that we will outlive them. I can't imagine not sharing my life with a dog...I mean dogs...many dogs.

It's been a while since I've shared one of my favorite poems or whatever you want to call it and remembering Buddy and Nelson is a great time to share it again.


Fragile Circle
"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."


Irving Townsend.


((Warm and consoling cyber hugs))
G.

acushdogsmom
01-14-2010, 04:56 PM
Oh Jenny - I don't even have the words to tell you what I want to say, except I guess that I can say that I totally understand everything you said (still feeling those feelings myself, too) and I couldn't have said everything that Glynda replied to you any better than she said.

(((BIG GIANT HUGS)))

Roxee's Dad
01-14-2010, 06:28 PM
Hugs.....tears......sadness. If only love could build a stairway to heaven.

maggiebeagle
01-14-2010, 07:31 PM
I'll be lighting a candle in rembrance of both of your babies.
I keep telling my husband I have a beagle-sized hole in my heart but don't think he fully understands because Maggie wasn't "his" dog.
Virginia and Angel Maggie

Sabre's Mum
01-15-2010, 04:03 PM
Jenny

I am always lost for words at these moments ... but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and sending you hugs from across the Tasman.

Angela, Sabre and Flynn

littleone1
01-15-2010, 04:16 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you Jenny. I know this is not an easy time for you.

Franklin'sMum
01-16-2010, 05:07 AM
Jenny,

I am so sorry for the pain you feel. Thinking of you, and sending HUGE hugs to you. You're in my prayers,

Jane xxoo
________
WENDIE 99 (http://www.lovelywendie99.com/)

Carol G
01-16-2010, 12:20 PM
Jenny,

You are in my thoughts. I too wish I knew what to say or do that would give you comfort. All I can say is that I understand.

Carol & Atty Cat and always Winnie & McGill

bkdice
01-17-2010, 06:17 PM
while each day shouldn't be any different, i know it can be. anniversaries, holidays, birthdays... these are all tough. i hit the 6 month mark yesterday, and it was a tough one. i imagine the 12 month mark is also very difficult.

i know time heals wounds, but it takes a lot of it when they are deep. all we can do is take it one step at a time.

my thoughts are with you....

bettina

frijole
01-17-2010, 06:55 PM
Dearest Jen, Keeping you in my thoughts and sending warm hugs your way. Take care and know we understand. Love, Kim and girls