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corgipallie
10-09-2009, 12:20 PM
It's been 2 months and a few days -- or exactly 9 weeks today that I lost my girl. And now I'm just now being able to write this, barely.

I am right now sitting in my hotel room in Aspen CO on a beautiful fall day. The sky is the color blue that you can only see from this high up in the mountains at 8,000 feet. The air is cool an crisp and the remaining Aspen trees are shimmering their bright yellow leaves.

I am here for other reasons and have been coming here the same weekend for the last 10 years. I have seen a lot of friends who I only see once a year -- many who knew that Pallie crossed the bridge and others who did not. They asked about her and I had to tell them the sad news. I also have close friends here who I don't see very often and knew what we had (and always will have). I am lucky to have such a rock of support while I'm on vacation.

Between 2002-2005 I lived here.
The park right across the street outside my hotel window was the park that Pallie and I would play soccer in. Aspen is a dog town and I took her to work with me every day for 3 years. We would only get an hour out of the office, but we had a few of our favorite parks, rivers to play in during the summer, and we always found the right place to play in the snow. I look out at the park across the street and I wish Pallie and I were playing soccer again there. I could tell you every place she peed, she pooped, she went with me into the bank, the drug store, clothing stores -- Aspen is the dog town of all dog towns. And yet, my dog isn't here anymore. I made the decision to move and I knew it was the last time she would be here. The first year I came back after moving was hard because I was sad she wasn't with me, but she was safe back home in TN. Now, she's not here or in TN. She's just in my heart and my soul.

Aspen was only here home for 3 years, but we came here many weekends when I lived in Colorado Springs too. We would hop in the car and drive up to the mountains and hike or just drive around, and sometimes just walk in the wildflowers. There are a lot of memories here and it was a special place for both of us. There are some places that I just can't go to while I'm here. But I am going to go for a little walk soon so Pallie can return to Aspen. This afternoon, I am having lunch with the vet who treated Pallie for 3 years here, before any signs of Cushings were known. She's a brilliant vet and wonderful person and I look forward to seeing her.

Pallie came into my life just weeks before my 20th birthday when I needed her the most. I still need her. I will always need her. I guess she knew that I would be ok if she crossed the bridge and I will be. I am taking it one corgi step at a time. I made my promises to her and I will never ever ever break those promises.

So as I sit here crying in my hotel room, writing this and looking out the window at the park and the surrounding mountains, I feel more at a loss than ever. I feel more lonely than ever and the pain hurts more than ever.

I knew this trip was going to be difficult, but I had to do it. Pallie couldn't come back unless I did and so we are here together for a few days in the beautiful mountains where there is a spirit entirely of its own. I am going to go into the trees and find some peace and healing and know that Pallie is with me always. I'll let you know how it goes.

With much love to you all,
Steph and Pallie
(March 17, 1997-August 7, 2009)

Roxee's Dad
10-09-2009, 12:45 PM
Hi Steph,
Thanks so much for sharing your thought's and wonderful memories of Pallie. The heartbreak is very painfull, I hope you find some bit of peace while you are walking along the paths and thinking of Sweet Pallie and holding her close to your heart.

Today, I am sharing in your tears, you and Pallie will be in my thoughts today. I am so sure, she is watching very closely over you today.

Squirt's Mom
10-09-2009, 01:05 PM
Dearest Stephanie,

Your beautiful words and the heart behind them has brought me to tears once again. I know your pain is still raw, especially there, having to tell the sad story to those who didn't know in a place that was and is so special to you and Pallie. It is my fervent wish that you will find some measure of peace in the mountains you love so much. As you take your walks in places once shared with your sweet hero, know that many here walk with you both, shedding our own tears in honor of Pallie.

Love and hugs to you my sweet friend,
Leslie and the girls

forscooter
10-09-2009, 02:04 PM
She's just in my heart and my soul.

Where she belongs....where she always was and always will remain...

I know this journey is a painful, bittersweet one, Steph. You have come full circle. I know you know Pallie is with you always...but I hope, that in the midst of your pain, you can feel how much love remains...and that you find, even in the middle of that pain, the joy, the love, and the comfort that you both so willingly gave back and forth to one another so many times and in so many ways.

I hope you find Pallie in every leaf, every blade of grass, every passing cloud and feel her warmth in every ray of sun....she surrounds you.

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK (to help you on your journey)....

Love ya, and sending so many hugs across the miles....Beth

labblab
10-09-2009, 02:19 PM
Dear Steph,

I am transported by your words, and I feel as though I am seeing the sky and the park and the mountains through yours and Pallie's eyes. I have spent golden days in Aspen, too, and my old memories flood back to me as they now join your own. I know that bluest of skies, and clearest of air, and spirit of the mountains. And I know the pain and the missing and the wish to be able to return to a perfect place and time. Oh, if only it could happen for you today! But even though your walk will be very different this time, I hope and pray that you will still feel Pallie's spirit within you and alongside you. That the memories will sustain you, and at the same time carry you onward. I hope that you may see an eagle fly above you, or that you will feel that incredibly warm sun on your face, or that the aspen will shimmer and dance for you and Pallie. You've brought her back home, Steph. And now, she'll really never have to leave again. Because her spirit is healthy and free, and can come and go between Aspen and TN and everywhere that you may ever be. She can shimmer and dance, too. And she will always be shining. And she will always be with you -- whenever you call her, whenever you need her -- she will be there.

Many (((hugs))) to you, Steph, in celebration of Pallie and your lives together -- always ~
Marianne

Dollydog
10-09-2009, 02:40 PM
Dear Steph,
I'm thinking of you this afternoon and hoping you're having lunch right now as I read this. Aspen sounds like a little piece of heaven on earth.
The others have said everything so eloquently. Once again your courage is helping me to get through the pain and loneliness of not having my special buddy right beside me, close enough to touch.

With much love and hugs to you and Pallie,
Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel

Harley PoMMom
10-09-2009, 03:19 PM
Dearest Steph,

You and Pallie's bond was indeed a special one and one so unique and full of love that it can not be broken, even by her passing. Her spirit will always live on in your heart and soul, and like Beth has said, right where it belongs.

Oh Steph, I hope your walk today is a peaceful one, and I hope it is warm enough so that you may show Pallie's paw tattoo on your foot and then I hope the sun comes out to shine soft rays of light on it for you.

We are here for you Steph, and we love you...always.

Love and ((((Hugs)))) and in loving memory of sweet Pallie.
Lori

BestBuddy
10-09-2009, 05:38 PM
Hi Steph,

This was another one of those firsts that you had to have without Pallie. Enjoy the time and the memories with Pallie spent in that special place and cry or laugh, whichever you feel like doing at the time. You know there will be more of these first but each time the pain gets a little softer and the memories happier.

Jenny

sunimist
10-09-2009, 10:38 PM
Dear Steph,

I also felt like I was walking those paths with you today. Can't explain it, but it seemed so real to me as I could feel the closeness and presence of you and Pallie. You have been in my thoughts and prayers all day and for some unknown reason, I have felt the presence of Misty more today than ever before.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and hugs,

Shelba

mytil
10-10-2009, 05:54 AM
Dearest Steph,

I am sending you (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

T.

gpgscott
10-10-2009, 08:25 PM
Steph, and Pallie,

I am so glad that you can find a home here and talk to us about the things that mean so much to you.

I like the others am seeing the clear blue sky and the bright yellow leafs through your post.

I hope this visit brings relief to you, you deserve it. Pallie has not left you, she, as you know is part of you.

God's blessings to you, Pallie, and us all.

Scott

bkdice
10-15-2009, 01:45 PM
Steph... I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I know you know I can relate very well.

Your words are beautiful and so delicately illustrate the bond you shared with your girl. It will never be broken.

I like to think of the line from the Princess Bride where Wesley says "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."

corgipallie
10-15-2009, 11:18 PM
Bettina, that quote really touched me. Thank you.

And thank you all for the comments and support. I just got back from Colorado and also California. I am exhausted and need sleep (AND have to work tomorrow), so I will post more and what I learned about myself, Pallie, and healing, etc. when I can think clearly.

I love you all
Steph

corgipallie
10-19-2009, 07:45 PM
I am not really in a sappy moment kind of state right now, but my trip to CO and then to CA was great. I spent a lot of time in the woods where I could hear the heartbeat of the earth (paraphrased off a sign I saw in Muir Woods), hugged a few trees (yes, literally. I channeled my inner hippie), and I know life goes on. Nature goes on. The circle goes on. Everything is a continuance, even the loss of my Pallie. She will continue in my heart and my heart is still beating because of her. I can continue down my path with her making my heart beat (and the tattoo on my foot helps too!). She's not lost-- I know exactly where she is. Her body may be gone, and of course I'd do anything to have just a few more seconds with her, but her spirit is right where it has always been.

I will continue to love corgis the way I loved her. I know no other corgi will ever replace her, nor do I want it to. But I know my life is not complete and I will not smile again until I am loving a corgi the way Pallie taught me how to love. She would want it that way. It's the ultimate honor I think... to say that I loved you soooooooooooooo much that I'm willing to do it all over again. It continues.

I can honestly say everything that I ever needed to know about life, I learned from Pallie. Love, friendship, enjoying the simple things, how to make yourself happy -- all of it is because of her and I will carry that with me forever until I see her again someday. And that someday will come. I have a lot to do in the meantime and I'm hopefully not going anywhere anytime soon, but it's a very powerful feeling knowing I am not afraid because she will be waiting for me.

Steph

forscooter
10-19-2009, 08:34 PM
She's not lost-- I know exactly where she is.


You betcha! Always!

Love ya, Me, the worm-free one

Squirt's Mom
10-20-2009, 11:37 AM
Dearest Steph,

I know how difficult it was to write those words here, to share your thoughts and feelings with us, but I am so glad you were able to do so.


...it's a very powerful feeling knowing I am not afraid because she will be waiting for me.

This statement did me in...and you are so right, sweetie. Pallie is always with you and she will be waiting on you when it's your time to cross the Bridge...which better be decades and decades down the road!

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts,
much love and hugs,
Leslie and the girls

Barney's Mom
10-22-2009, 12:30 PM
It's the ultimate honor I think... to say that I loved you soooooooooooooo much that I'm willing to do it all over again. It continues.
Steph

I think you are so right here. Sending lots of hugs to you and Pallie

Cheryl

Harley PoMMom
10-23-2009, 04:52 PM
I will continue to love corgis the way I loved her. I know no other corgi will ever replace her, nor do I want it to. But I know my life is not complete and I will not smile again until I am loving a corgi the way Pallie taught me how to love. She would want it that way. It's the ultimate honor I think... to say that I loved you soooooooooooooo much that I'm willing to do it all over again. It continues.
Steph

Oh Steph,

Pallie would definitely want you to smile again and I totally agree with you..."it's the ultimate honor."

Love and (((hugs)))
Lori

corgipallie
01-07-2010, 03:00 PM
5 months and feels like yesterday. :(

Harley PoMMom
01-07-2010, 03:47 PM
(((((Hugs)))))

Squirt's Mom
01-07-2010, 05:35 PM
(((((((bigoletearysobbylovinhugs))))))

Roxee's Dad
01-07-2010, 06:08 PM
Dear Steph,
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and Pallie.

maggiebeagle
01-07-2010, 08:00 PM
I'm wishing you peace.
Virginia and Angel Maggie

sunimist
01-07-2010, 09:53 PM
Thinking of you Steph and remembering your beautiful Pallie with love.

(((HUGS)))

Shelba and Suni

BestBuddy
01-07-2010, 11:43 PM
Steph,
My heart is with you. They say time heals all but how long do we have to wait.:confused:
Jenny

Franklin'sMum
01-08-2010, 02:44 AM
(((((HUGS)))))

Jane xx
________
AVANDIA ATTORNEYS (http://www.classactionsettlements.org/lawsuit/avandia/)

mytil
01-08-2010, 06:12 AM
We are all thinking of you Steph, and sending our healing thoughts. I think Jen said it wonderfully -

(((hugs)))
Terry

forscooter
01-08-2010, 05:03 PM
((((((((((((((magicalduckiehugsforever)))))))))))) )))

bkdice
01-10-2010, 11:33 AM
Steph.... I'm sorry I'm just seeing this.... we are so close together on this path... about 3 weeks apart i think.

While it gets easier in some respects, it seems to get harder in others. There is still a disbelief that they are really GONE. I imagine you still have moments that you 'forget' she's gone. And sometimes it can feel like just yesterday you had her, and other times it can feel like a life time ago.

Hang in there... you're not alone.

b

clydetheboosmom
01-10-2010, 10:26 PM
Steph -

I'm thinking of you....

Hugs -

Lynne, Clyde & Bailey

littleone1
01-11-2010, 03:44 AM
Hi Steph,

You are in my thoughts at this time.

Terri

corgipallie
02-06-2010, 06:24 PM
I will wake up tomorrow, being 6 months closer to seeing Pallie again. I can't wait.


I love you Pal Pals. I miss you so much every single minute of every single day. My heart hurts but I know that's just you chasing the soccer ball.

I promise.
Love,
Mama

Dollydog
02-06-2010, 07:21 PM
((((((HUGS))))))....one for every month...
Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel :)

forscooter
02-06-2010, 09:02 PM
(((((((((magicalhealingduckiehugs))))))))))))))))) )))

Love you, Beth

bkdice
02-08-2010, 11:50 AM
steph - the 6 month mark was very hard for me. i imagine it's very difficult for you too. my thoughts are with you as you pass yet another milestone.
(((hugs)))

forscooter
03-16-2010, 08:29 PM
Steph,

Thinking of you tonight as we are on the cusp of Pallie's birthday tomorrow...I know it isn't much, I know it can't take your pain, and I know it isn't really even very good...but I did want you to know that I am thinking of you and holding you close...and wanting to remind you how special your girl was to me and my bad boys...I hope you know...

So this is for Pallie:

A few years back I was lost,
But I built a bond without a cost.
I met a friend who could inspire
A love of life, a heart’s desire.

Her smile held a hint of glee,
Her spirit always was born free.
Golden fur and warm brown eyes,
In her life’s tale a hero lies.

I called her our corgihound,
And to her story I was bound.
Fearless, loving, and always bright,
She brought many smiles many a night.

Her mama’s left with only her star,
Where peeks and checks come from afar.
In her soul she will always be,
A part of her mama and a gift to me.

A word, a thought, a single sound
Is what will always be this corgihound.
As her mama misses her so,
Forever will she be her hero.

A brave little girl with the soccer ball,
Run free and play, Pallie…your life is safe here with us all.

Love you Steph....Peace, sweet Pallie,
Beth

corgipallie
03-16-2010, 10:45 PM
Oh Beth, that poem is beautiful!! I am sobbing like a baby. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Pallie is shining on both of us... well, actually, ALL of us. She's just that kind of spirit.

(((((((Palliehugs)))))

Roxee's Dad
03-17-2010, 09:18 AM
Remembering Pallie and her life. (((Hugs)))

corgipallie
03-17-2010, 11:55 AM
13 years ago today, a furball was born in Dripping Springs, TX who changed my life for the better. She taught me how to love life and fight for every last second.
Happy Birthday Pallie! Mama loves you and misses you so much!

Squirt's Mom
03-17-2010, 12:13 PM
Remembering the magic of Pallie's life, the power of love shared, the friends she brought together, the hope she inspired.

Sending much love and many hugs,
Leslie

sunimist
03-17-2010, 02:54 PM
Remembering Pallie with love today. HAPPY HEAVENLY 13th BIRTHDAY SWEET PALLIE!

Thinking of you with love also, Steph.

Shelba and Suni

gpgscott
03-17-2010, 03:53 PM
Thanks for pointing out the anniversary Shelba.

Thinking of you and Pallie both Steph.

Scott

BestBuddy
03-17-2010, 04:41 PM
Steph,

Thinking of you today on Pallie's 13th birthday.

Jenny

Harley PoMMom
03-17-2010, 07:26 PM
Steph,

Thinking of you today, with love, on sweet Pallie's 13th birthday.

Love and (((hugs)))
Lori

zoesmom
03-17-2010, 07:40 PM
Steph - can't forget Pallie today, either. So her 13th birthday was right after Zoe's. Bet they're having a fine celebration. Pallie lives on forever in all of our hearts (well, especially in her bikini. . . in my heart!) Sue

maggiebeagle
03-23-2010, 09:28 AM
I know it was a bittersweet day for you. She was a special girl (and being a native Texan had to make her even more special).

labblab
03-17-2011, 07:09 AM
How is it possible that another year has passed? But here we are, once again celebrating sweet Pallie girl and her life well-lived. Steph, I am hoping that you will stop back by today. But even if not, I know that you celebrate Pallie in your heart and your memories each and every day. Today is a day in which we are proud to join with you.

Happy Birthday, sweet Pallie!!!!!!!!! Always in loving memory of your spirit and your courage ~

And with many special hugs to your mom,
Marianne

bgdavis
03-17-2011, 08:14 AM
Happy Birthday Pallie. Tell Criss Ann 'Hi' for me.

Bonnie and Angel Criss

clydetheboosmom
04-04-2011, 11:03 AM
Steph....many hugs to you, always. Pallie holds a special place both here, and there :)

Lynne, Bailey & Angel Clyde