View Full Version : A Bit of Humor

10-01-2009, 01:41 PM
A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.'

10-01-2009, 02:07 PM
hahahahaha I love it!

10-01-2009, 05:12 PM
A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?
The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question. 'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'


'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'

And the blonde entered Heaven...

Worse ... you’re now singing it to yourselff .....

10-01-2009, 11:38 PM
My husband is whistling and laughing at the same time. Thanks for the comic relief.

10-02-2009, 10:05 AM
That talking dog joke is the best dog joke I've ever heard.


03-28-2011, 07:57 AM
I wasn't sure on where or how to share this funny, and I do apologize for tmi, but I felt compelled to share it with you all.

This morning as I am doing the usual rituals in sending the kids off to school, suddenly I hear my 6 year old running all over the house yelling "Princess your butt smells so good". LMAO (pardon my French), and I just bursted into laughter and thinking "she's right", haaaaaaaa, as twisted as that may sound to some, but this the beauty of it coming from a childs mouth, and well now you all know even more how loved that Princess is in this household.

Have a great day all and love ya all and your stinky fur Butts--haaaaaa.


03-29-2011, 11:48 AM

Now we all know you are seriously weird!:eek: lol

Linda x

03-29-2011, 11:56 AM
Haaaaaaa Linda,
So true. Amazing the effect these pups have on us huh. Never in a million years would that have come out of my mouth 20 years ago. LOL. Hope you are well.

love ya lots. Xo Jeanette

Squirt's Mom
03-29-2011, 01:02 PM
Yup, seriously weird...which means you fit right in! :p

03-29-2011, 04:36 PM
I think the "weird" ones here are the real "normal" ones compared to the rest of the world--dog lovers rule, and that's taking all the good and the bad in them as well.

warmest regards to you and the babes

Xo Jeanette

Casey's Mom
03-30-2011, 11:19 PM
Well said Jeanette!!