Dear Cathrine, you are not crazy. Right after Apollo died I had to move my mother. I tried to hold it in as the tears would slip out. I could not wit to get home be alone and grieve. For months, I would cry for no reason. I hated going home because Apollo wasn't there. You are going through the stages of grief. Let out the feelings. It is normal. You lost your best friend, companion, confident. So why would not feel the way you are. That is why you are here. To be comforted, loved , reassured. We have all been there.
Love Sonja