New to this - Jake has passed

[Joan2517]

That's how I am about Lena, Barb. I think of her all day long, whether consciously or just in the back of my mind. There's always a memory or a thought; I'm always telling Sibbie, Lena did this or Lena never did that....it's always "before or after Lee". At first I cried so much I couldn't believe I still had tears. I still have those days; sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Anything sad will make me start.

All I can say is that it does eventually get easier. At first that made me feel terrible. Was I forgetting her? Didn't I still love her?? I will never forget her, ever. And I will always love her, always. It's not that I don't miss her. I'm just getting used to missing her; it's always there.

[labblab]

Hey Barb,

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the chance to check out any of the resources listed here, but maybe you’d find some thoughts or suggestions that might bring some comfort. Included on the thread below are websites that offer written materials, leads on finding support groups, and even online grief support chats.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/show...You-re-Hurting

The most important thing is for you to know that you never need to bear your grief alone! We are always here for you, and perhaps one of these links will connect you to even more folks who understand and care. Regardless, we are here for you, anytime you want to talk. Promise!

Marianne

[Jakester]

Joan, that is exactly how I feel. I think it will become part of my life and I will get used to it.

Marianne, thank you for the resources. I have read through quite a bit and they are quite helpful.

Thank you for your support.

Talk soon, Barb

[labblab]

Hi Barb! Thinking of you and Robin and sweet Jake today, and wanted to pop in to say hello. I was just now visiting our K9C memorial thread and was struck by Jake’s photo once again. What a handsome boy, with such beautiful soulful eyes! He looks so sweet and fluffy in that photo that I just wanted to reach out and hug him. Since I can’t do that, though, I’ll reach out and give you a big cyber-hug instead. I know you miss your precious boy a million times over. Every second of every day, he is missed.

Always, always, always in loving memory ~
Marianne

[Jakester]

Marianne thank you for thinking of us. You are so right, we miss Jake every second of every day. His big brown eyes told us so many things over the years. He will forever be in our hearts.

And I want to give you a big cyber-hug as well, for all of your advice and support and for all your thoughtful posts. Robin and I were actually talking the other day about how this site and its members are so helpful. We are grateful.

Talk to you again soon.
Barb

[Jakester]

Well it's been 6 months and 5 days since Jake passed. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime and sometimes it feels like yesterday. We are still devastated and still miss him more and more each day. He was everything to us.

What Tina posted about her dog Jasper's passing at the 6th month mark is exactly how I feel about Jake. He was our everything and life is empty without him. We cry every day for him. We just miss him so much.

I guess what Joan said in one of her posts is true - you get used to living with the pain and hurt of losing your baby (or something to that effect ). Little by little we'll get used to the hurt but we'll never get over it.

Barb[/QUOTE]

[Joan2517]

You never stop missing them...you just get used to it. I still cry Barb, and tomorrow it's 2 years 7 months.

[labblab]

Hey there Barb. Huge hugs to both you and Robin!

I recently read an article by a woman who had lost her husband in an accident at any early age. Coincidentally, his name was Jake! She talked about the way in which her grief is both a pain and oddly, also a relief. That in the midst of her tears come the moments during which she still feels most connected to him. I thought about that a lot and realized how true that was for me, too, especially during the early days when I was grieving most acutely for my Cushdog, Barkis. My tears felt like my final true deep connection with him, when I still felt closest to his spirit. I actually started feeling guilty during times that I didn’t cry. I felt as though I was betraying him and our connection when I tried to find a bit of joy elsewhere. So in a totally weird way, times when I was crying and times when I wasn’t crying were both a relief and a pain, all at once.

I honestly don’t know how long I would have struggled with that see-saw had our new puppy Peg not entered our lives. But she needed me, and I needed her, and my attention and focus shifted out of necessity. She ended up saving me from my deep well of pain. I’m absolutely not suggesting that you and Robin should consider adding a new family member right now, or ever if that doesn’t feel right to you. But what I’m hoping to tell you is that I think grief, and ultimately comfort, can blindside us in so many unexpected ways. And most importantly, if a day finally arrives when you no longer feel quite as tearful, you are not being disloyal to Jake and all that he will continue to mean to you. It does mean that your connection is shifting, and that shift is truly bittersweet. Or at least it was for me. It does hurt me to think that my raw emotional connection to Barkis is different now. But I also know that our deepest heartstrings are forever connected. As are yours and Jake’s. There will always be times of tears, but you will not be betraying him by also smiling again, even if only briefly. You will not be betraying him when the time comes that you start to peek forward again. It just means that you still have more life to live, and more paths to travel. That day may still be quite a ways in the future. But when it does come, you’ll still be carrying Jake right along with you every step of the way, no matter where the path may lead. Forever in your heart.

[Joan2517]

Always and forever...

[Jakester]

Hello again

Just wanted to pop in and say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You have been so kind and so supportive and we are thankful for all the info we received.

Jake's been gone for 8 months now. We still miss him every second, every minute, every day and I'm sure we we will never stop missing him. But we cherish the 9 years we had with him and he will always be in our hearts - forever. Jake's birthday is on Monday the 24th and he would have been 10. Going to be a hard day but we will carry on.

Hugs
Barb