Holidays can be hard...

[Robert]

Can't believe this Xmas will be the second without Boof (tommy)

[labblab]

Hi Robert! I can't believe it has already been this long without Tommy, either. I often say the "firsts" are so hard. And they are. But that doesn't mean there isn't pain with the second and the third and the fourth and the tenth and twentieth... It may not be quite as raw, but the absence forever aches and pulls our hearts backwards to earlier times and precious days when things were oh so very different.

Marianne

[Robert]

Well said Marianne. Guess the difference now is can remember good stuff along with the bad. He was such a sweet gentle soul....and still is

[labblab]

I think that is so true -- the good memories definitely soothe the sharpness of the pain. But this will be my tenth holiday season without my Barkis and in a strange way it is starting to hurt in a different way. I feel like I am drawing farther and farther away in time from our celebrations together and it is like I am losing some piece of the thread of connection. The raw pain early on was so hard, but it bound me to him with such a strength even in his absence. Is it totally crazy to say it makes me sad that the pain is no longer so intense?????

[Robert]

Not at all Marianne. I feel a bit bad because I tend to think of tommy more than Tammy. I miss them both badly but tommy went 12 months after tAm and while tam was a real character tommy was just such a beautiful soul. Everyone remembers and grieves in their own way and that way is right for that person.

[labblab]

Well, Thanksgiving 2014 is now a memory, too. We had a good holiday, taking the girls on the road with us to visit family. Whenever we load up like that, though, I always think of Barkis. He absolutely loved to ride in the car (his car, The Barkmobile ) to ride anywhere. Even if it was just to go get gas, he raced to jump in for the ride. "Me too, me too, me too!!!" I wished he was along with us for this ride...for every ride.

So now we turn to the December holidays. I'm way behind in my decorating, and maybe I just won't push myself as hard this year. For sure we will put up our Christmas tree, though, with all the picture ornaments for every beloved pet who's ever shared our lives. Even though there is sadness in their absence, I love seeing their sweet faces on the tree.

OK, everybody, just remember the door is always wide open here if anybody wants to stop by to talk or to remember during these December days.

[addy]

We are not putting up Zoe's remembrance tree. Even if I could stand it and I cant, I don't want to start locking Koko up in the kitchen or instead worry about him alone the the tree and the birds.

I have not purchased one single present and think I am in major denial over the upcoming holiday.

Mom has taken a turn for the worse since last Sunday. She did so well Thanksgiving and my thoughts now turn back to Zoe and her decline after last Thanksgiving and I keep wondering if Mom has the ability to bounce back one more time or if she will follow Zoe.

I know I should not compare the two but I do.

Thanks for listening.

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I am so sorry about your mom. I wouldn't be able to help comparing the two situations, either. I was really grateful that my mom could go on our Thanksgiving trip with us. I don't think she will be traveling again. She has a lot of discomfort when forced to sit in one position for very long, and now it is finally hampering her general mobility. I know she is failing pretty rapidly now, especially in terms of her heart. I know I should try to prepare myself for what will come, but I just can't go there in my mind. But with every holiday now, I keep thinking "will this be the last one?"

I wish I could find a way to turn my brain off and live in the moment like our doggies do.

Thanks for listening to me, too, Addy.

[addy]

Me too, Marianne, wish I could consistently stay in the moment. I was just reading a blog. The author basically was saying that is ok for traditions to change as our lives change. For some reason I took great comfort in that statement.

I am doing the same thing with my Mom. I was so grateful for the wonderful Thanksgiving we had together.

One day at a time.

Hugs and love.

[labblab]

Oh, I take comfort in that, too, Addy -- about allowing traditions to shift. In a crazy way, I think I've already been tinkering with some small things this year kinda for the sake of practicing. Figuring that if I can get used to making some small changes now, maybe it'll help me cope when those big ones hit. Probably not, but at least it's a strategy . And my big wreath and a bunch of decorations were looking pretty ratty anyway and were due for a change (or were long overdue per hubby...).