My Bestest Boy

[labblab]

Although I can hardly believe it is true, on Monday it will be five years since we released Barkis (8-10-04). In some ways it seems like such a short time. In other ways, so much has happened between then and now. This will be the third tribute that I have written for my boy. The first was posted on the old "ezboard" and was lost to a cruel hacker. The second was lost along with the closure of our former home, cc.net. But here I am again, because Barkis deserves to be remembered and honored. He was my bestest boy, and always will remain so in my heart.

In writing my first two tributes, I remember how important it felt to me that the words should be "just right." There was a healing that came with putting my thoughts into sentences. But now, with the passage of time, the words are starting to drift away and what seems most important to me are simply the feelings themselves. How dear he was to me, and how special.

Our lives are now filled with the joy of our two girls, Peg and Luna. They would never have come to us had it not been for our loss of Barkis. So that is the good that came out of our sorrow. And for the most part, my sad memories are outnumbered by the sweet and happy ones. Especially on his birthdays, when I remember how he looked as a puppy and how excited we were when we saw him for the very first time. He was our little "rocket" dog, so healthy and so happy and so proud and so beautiful.

But when the first of August rolls around, it is hard for my memories not to drift back to that final weekend when he was failing. The worry and the tears. And the last walks and hugs, and the final rides in his beloved Barkmobile. We were so lucky that we had the chance to tell him how much we loved him. But it was so hard to let him go. I had not known that it could hurt so much, and that I would miss him so deeply.

At some point over the next few days, I will pick up his collar and put it in my pocket. And I'll head over to his favorite lake and walk around it just like we did so many times together. And I'll call his name, and in my mind's eye, I'll see him running to me once again, so healthy and so happy. Just me and my bestest boy, together again and always.

We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?
And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.

Author Unknown

In loving memory of my sweet Barkis, today and everyday ~
Marianne

[Harley PoMMom]

Marianne,

Your tribute to your sweet Barkis is beautiful and it is easy for one to see how special he was and how much he was loved, thank you for sharing your story with us.

I am glad to see that the happy and sweet times have outnumbered the sad ones...so I guess the adage is true that time heals all wounds...but I guess it does not close them entirely...so when you decide to take that walk with Barkis's collar in your pocket, I pray that Mother Nature gives you the most grand, gorgeous day she can muster for your special day with your sweet Barkis.

Love and hugs.
Lori

[Dollydog]

Marianne,
I'm glad you keep his memory alive for us and have posted this tribute to Barkis. We'll be walking with you on that walk around the lake....
Jo-Ann & Lady

[MiniSchnauzerMom]

Marianne,

Your tribute to Barkis warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I did not have the pleasure of becoming acquainted with your little "rocket dog" but I did have an opportunity to view his pictures at our former home.

Holding his collar, speaking his name and walking with him in spirit around the lake - what a beautiful way to honor and remember your bestest boy!

Many Hugs,
Louise

[mytil]

Oh Marianne,

Still the tears are there and I know the warmth of the memories are glowing strong and also making you smile. It does not matter how long it has been because the bond you have with him will be forever and there is always a very special place in your heart only for him. He is watching over you two and your girls.

The poem is one of my favorites and brings everything home. Barkis is with you and always will be walking on your walks, jumping in the lake and running through the tall grass and the soft breeze that surrounds you are his kisses.

My heart and tears are with you my friend
Always In Loving Memory of a very special boy,
T.

[BestBuddy]

Marianne,
Such a beautiful tribute to Barkis. Love never dies, memories live forever.
Jenny

[sunimist]

Dear Marianne,

How beautiful and touching. Words won't come, but emotion is overwhelming as I read your words about precious Barkis. We who knew him loved him dearly and miss him so much still.

God bless you, my friend, and may peace and wonderful memories dwell in your heart.

Lots of love...Shelba and Suni

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Marianne,

Thank you for bringing Barkis to our new home. It's where your Bestest Boy belongs and I am honored to share in your memories of him.

The "right" words and sentence structures aren't important when love is guiding the heart and hand because what you feel comes shining through regardless. Your never-ending love for Barkis is obvious in every key-stroke, making this tribute "just right".

When you take your walk around the lake, know that many souls are with you - standing quietly, offering love and support should you need it, our silent tears falling with yours.

Hugs to you, my friend,
Leslie and the girls

[lleigh]

Marianne,

Oh, that was just beautiful. Anyone reading it will surely feel the love you shared with your special boy. Isn't it grand that we get that opportunity? I am smiling and tearing with the memories of my precious Lucy right now. Hardly seems possible it's been seven months.

Lyn

[gpgscott]

Dear Marianne and Barkis,

You are both joined through the ages by your devotion to each other.

What a lucky pair you are.

Scott

[frijole]

:( Big Gulp. Thanks for sharing Marianne. Hugs, Kim

[Smileyspeople]

A great tribute to Barkis, and a greater tribute to his very articulate human friends. Thanks for sending it out to the rest of us! Love, hugs and sniffy-kisses.

Dorothy, Peter, Smiley and the rest of our pack.

[acushdogsmom]

Thank you so much Marianne, for posting your wonderful tribute to Barkis.

It had to have been difficult for you to write, but it feels good having Barkis talked about here again. More like home, if you know what I mean. :)

many (((hugs)))

P.S. I always thought that Barkis was one of the best names ever! :D

[forscooter]

P.S. I always thought that Barkis was one of the best names ever!

Me too!

Marianne,

I came to know you after your life with Barkis, well that was my first thought. And then I had to think, nooooo, I FEEL like I was with you with Barkis....along the way all that time....which can only mean one thing. That's that Barkis lives on so strongly in your heart and through your life that he is still here, ever-present, ever-watching, a guardian angel to all the pups here and on the old board.

When I first came to the old site, I would see your avatar and it always made me smile. That big huge grin of his...the love so apparent in his eyes. The stories of him brought me comfort. And you always giving me strength and hope and inspiration and above all, faith in not only dealing with Cushing's but with life in general.

How I wish I could blink my eyes and bring him back to you....how I wish I had that kind of power. Yet I know that the spirit he had was such a powerful one that he is beside you. Love knows no boundaries...there is no way to hold it...so it must continue its flow back and forth.

The poem you love so much has long ago become my favorite. When Scoobie passed, I read it over and over and over again.

Barkis belongs here along with all of the others who have paved the way and made it possible for people like me to survive this horrid disease.

You are my friend, my source of strength and comfort....and I wish you the comfort you have given be returned in the memory and life and love you share with your special boy....

Love ya....and huge hugs!!!!!!!!
Beth, Bailey and always Scoobie

[ladysmom06]

Dear Marianne,

Thinking of you and your bestest boy today. What a beautiful tribute you wrote for Barkis - thanks for sharing it. The tears are flowing like they always do whenever I read a tribute to these special angels. I agree with Cushy and Beth - one of the best names ever. Hugs to you.

[Roxee's Dad]

Marianne,
This is truely a beautiful tribute to Barkis. It's easy to see how much you loved him and he loved you.

[labblab]

I just want to thank you all SO much for your kind words. They are truly such a help and a comfort.

Spirit Barkis and I have not yet taken our lake walk. We will go soon. And when we do, I'll tell him how his aunties and uncles here are lending me their support and thinking of him fondly. He'll flap his ears and wag his tail and off we'll go...and he'll be thanking you all, too...:o

With (((hugs))) of gratitude,
Marianne

[labblab]

My bestest boy! How is it possible that another year has come and gone? It was also a Monday evening six years ago that we lay beside you and loved on you and pretended that we didn’t know what the morning would bring or the decision we would have to face. I don’t know how your dad and I made it through that Tuesday. But you were so brave, always. Always. And you have always been our bestest boy.

At the moment of release, we told you to run back to the mountains. And as luck would have it, that is where I am this evening. Back at your mountain vacation home. I know your spirit has visited me so many times in so many places. But after checking in with your dad in the morning, I hope you’ll run back out here to the mountains tomorrow. I hope you’ll lay next to me and your grandmother after you’ve sniffed around the yard and raised your face to the sun and the breeze. Just for a few moments before you’re off again to help with all the new ones who are arriving at the Bridge. I love you, Barkis. Always my bestest boy and forever in my heart.

In loving memory today and every day ~
Your mom

[SachiMom]

Marianne,

I really thought I could read Barkis' tribute this time without crying. How wrong I was. Six years have passed, but the love and memory are strong. I remember the agony you were going through like it was yesterday. Yet it is you who gives us all such comfort with your caring words. I don't have the words, but know that my heart is with you and always will be.

Thank you for honoring Barkis by helping so many others on K9C.
It is the bestest tribute for the Bestest Boy.

Luv & Hugs ~ Mary Ann

[sunimist]

Barkis will forever be a part of our hearts. We love you "bestest boy".
Sending warm hugs and love to you, Marianne.

[BestBuddy]

Marianne,

It is one of those bittersweet moments where we remember with love and laughter but then know that they are no longer here. The years come and go but Barkis is still a part of you.

Jenny

[lleigh]

Marianne,

I did not know Barkis in life but I feel I know him in spirit. I imagine that's what so many of us really want here - a place to share our memories so they keep on giving. The anniversaries, however difficult to get through, also remind us how very fortunate we were to have had these blessings in our lives. Thank you for sharing him again. I just know in my heart Barkis and my little Lucy have become best friends!

Lyn

[maggiesmomma]

My dear, sweet friend...I am here to remember your boy with you as we have done for the past 6 years. I can't believe it....and as I sit here trying to type through my tears, I can picture you and Barkis in the mountains together. Do you have the "girls" with you? I'm sure it is beautiful there and a good place to reflect about your "bestest boy".

As I have every year, I will light a candle for Barkis tonight right next the the candle I still light every night for my Maggie. I just know that they are great friends and will be looking down on us tonight.

Take care, dear one...and I will "see" you in December.

Love,
Jeanie

[Roxee's Dad]

Marianne,
I didn't have the honor of knowing Barkis but I share in your sadness and honor his memory with you.

[frijole]

Marianne - if he was yours he was the bestest. Reaching out and sending love on this anniversary. Kim

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Marianne,

There is no doubt Barkis is with you there in your mountain retreat. A part of him remains with you and his dad at all times, showering you with his love and the promise that one day you will all be together once again.

Many hugs and much love,
Leslie

[Harley PoMMom]

Dear Marianne,

Sending big hugs and love your way. Lori

[clydetheboosmom]

Love you. Thank you.

[mytil]

My biggest ((((((hugs))))) coming your way Marianne!

T.

[apollo6]

What a beautifl tribute to your bestest boy.

[marie adams]

Oh Marianne,

It is a beautiful tribute--with tears in my eyes as I type this. I have used the word "bestest" for decades and it truly describes our loved ones furred or not!!!:D:D

Best to you always!!!:):)

[zoesmom]

Marianne,

I really thought I could read Barkis' tribute this time without crying. How wrong I was.
Luv & Hugs ~ Mary Ann

I thought I could, too. But no, not possible. I'm still trying to work up the strength to write something for my Zo in this section. But I can't do that yet, either. Memories still 'dog' me at every turn, as I'm sure they do for you with Barkis. Wish I could have known him. But I do know that he was one special "bestest" boy. Sue

[forscooter]

I'm sorry I missed this Marianne....sending you lots of hugs and love...Barkis' sweet face was one of the first I saw many years ago, and even though he was gone, his happy face somehow made me feel better...his legacy lives on still...
(((((((hugs)))))))))
Beth

[bkdice]

Marianne,

It's so touching to me that your heart is still filled with such love and memories of the boy you loved so dear, 6 years later. It's also comforting to know that time cannot take such love and memories away.

I know my reply is late, but wishing you peace and bended grass during this time.

[Tobias]

Hi Marianne: I am just spending some time on the site today , reading tributes. Everything is in slow motion--I am having a "reverie" day of remembering my Zorro (finally I have a place in my heart to put the memories where they are safe) and reading other tributes on the site. Honestly, the image of you walking around the lake with a collar in your pocket just brought me to tears. But they are healing tears, and I thank you. Toby, my Cushings boy, is gradually being increased to reach the lower target post stim value as recommended by Dechra and also this helpful site. Many blessings to you; how perfectly you captured the experience of grieving an animal. Linda

[SavingSimon]

Dear Marianne,
I am still crying from reading your beautiful words, and feeling the love and the pain with you. Thank you for sharing the blessings that came from the loss as well. It is so hard for me to function, much less write when I have lost a dog, (as someone who does rescue I have lost far too many) but I hope that I have the courage and strength when my "bestest boy" is gone to write something worthy of him, as you have done more than three times. One thing that this board, that I often fear to visit, and yet leave feeling much different, uplifted by the support of the group, and often uplifted the most by the person who has suffered the loss - one thing that it does for me is encourage me to make more and better special memories in this time that Simon and I, and the rest of my pack are blessed with. Thank you so much for posting this.
Love and hugs,
Dena, Simon, and pack